The hard truth

[mrshambles]

I actually starting talking to a T today. I feel so much better. Here is my thoughts folks. We all have our situations. We all have our problems. But we all jumped into these relationshops because we have our own wounds that need healing. They just picked up on it. I know it hurts. I know that being replaced sucks, but who is really the one who loses in the end? We have the chance to move on... to fix ourselves. They can't. They will continue to struggle as we spread our mended wings  and fly. There is someone out there for you. Someone who has watched all of this and hoped the best for you. You can be super strong, it doesn't matter. The end will be the same. The end will be the same the same for the replacement, and the one after that and so on. Take the time to heal and reflect. None of us would have been here if we were okay with ourselves. This is a great time to reflect and grow. Don't be sad for what you lost, be happy for what you could gain. In the end, we tried. We held on to someone who is broken. We tried. They didn't. They never will until it crashes down around them. I hope all of us can be strong enough to realize... .we deserve more. Take solace in the fact that you tried. You cannot fix someone who doesn't want to fix themselves. There is someone for you, who will love you just the way you are. I hope this

helps someone, anyone. I am finally at peace. I hope you guys find yours as well.

[Jmanster]

I needed this, thank you.

[lovethebeach]

This really helped me today. Thank you.

Best of luck on your journey! Great step seeing a T.

[Trog]

You cannot fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. In my case, I have read from a woman who has BPd and spent 10 years doing the work and who dated someone with BPD, that you can not have a (happy) relationship with a mentally ill/personality disordered person who doesn't admit to having a problem.

I'm slowly facing the fact that actually I have been an enabler, I started wanted what I believed to be, only the best for her, I believed if I tried hard enough I could help fix her life, but I actual fact, my bending and soft boundaries has taken her further away from realising she needs help than before, she knows once again there are plenty of mugs out there willing to tolerate abusive behaviour so she has no need to change. I'm not beating myself up, but I/we need to stop regretting this terrible relationship is over and turn the focus on ourselves, whenever I feel really bad, I stop and remember the horrible, thoughtless actions of hers and stop giving her more of my time. I instantly feel better if I focus on myself, even if the focus is 'you Wally!' At least I'm spending time on me and my thoughts.

You could never have won this war, an untreated BPD/mentally ill person is totally out of reach, you will go down with the ship or be reliant on her saving the pair of you... .Scary thought

[mangopanda]

You cannot fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. In my case, I have read from a woman who has BPd and spent 10 years doing the work and who dated someone with BPD, that you can not have a (happy) relationship with a mentally ill/personality disordered person who doesn't admit to having a problem.

I'm slowly facing the fact that actually I have been an enabler, I started wanted what I believed to be, only the best for her, I believed if I tried hard enough I could help fix her life, but I actual fact, my bending and soft boundaries has taken her further away from realising she needs help than before, she knows once again there are plenty of mugs out there willing to tolerate abusive behaviour so she has no need to change. I'm not beating myself up, but I/we need to stop regretting this terrible relationship is over and turn the focus on ourselves, whenever I feel really bad, I stop and remember the horrible, thoughtless actions of hers and stop giving her more of my time. I instantly feel better if I focus on myself, even if the focus is 'you Wally!' At least I'm spending time on me and my thoughts.

You could never have won this war, an untreated BPD/mentally ill person is totally out of reach, you will go down with the ship or be reliant on her saving the pair of you... .Scary thought

I need this. My ex doesn't get help because they either can't afford it or they can never find someone they'd feel comfortable with. I thought if I held on I'd be helping them. They know they have BPD but they don't recognize the gravity of how distorted their perceptions are on basic relationship things. And I get called abusive or reprimanded when I point it out. But they always come back and apologize and "finally" get vulnerable enough to say they know they have a problem, but it's never enough to actually fix it. We just lived with it. He never thinks he's wrong and if he is wrong he'll say "that's my problem, not yours". Everything I do or say or try comes out as abusive or combative or that I'm bullying him. But I see now that the best thing for me is to fully remove contact.

[Mutt]

I actually starting talking to a T today. I feel so much better. Here is my thoughts folks. We all have our situations. We all have our problems. But we all jumped into these relationshops because we have our own wounds that need healing. They just picked up on it. I know it hurts. I know that being replaced sucks, but who is really the one who loses in the end? We have the chance to move on... to fix ourselves. They can't. They will continue to struggle as we spread our mended wings  and fly. There is someone out there for you. Someone who has watched all of this and hoped the best for you. You can be super strong, it doesn't matter. The end will be the same. The end will be the same the same for the replacement, and the one after that and so on. Take the time to heal and reflect. None of us would have been here if we were okay with ourselves. This is a great time to reflect and grow. Don't be sad for what you lost, be happy for what you could gain. In the end, we tried. We held on to someone who is broken. We tried. They didn't. They never will until it crashes down around them. I hope all of us can be strong enough to realize... .we deserve more. Take solace in the fact that you tried. You cannot fix someone who doesn't want to fix themselves. There is someone for you, who will love you just the way you are. I hope this

helps someone, anyone. I am finally at peace. I hope you guys find yours as well.

I agree.

I think it's important to take time to heal and reflect. There's no magic pill and you can't fast track this.

She wasn't the key to my happiness. I am.

I'm happy I made this choice.

"Be who you really are and go the whole way. -Lao Tzu”

[downwhim]

Thank you, We do all deserve more... .