Struggling hard to break down the pedestal...

[GoodThingsToCome]

I'm 3.5 months out (I ended it btw), and something I'm really struggling with is trying to break down the pedestal I put her up on. I met her at a vulnerable point in my life, she is older than I and came across as someone who is very put together. Needless to say, she blew me away... .sex was great and we had many wonderful, loving times together. I had to end it though as the abuse and bad behaviour just became too much.

One of my problems is that I placed her so high up on this pedestal in my mind. I don't know why... .I think to me she came across as a real woman who was in control of her life. I think she picked up on that and played on it... .she often made me feel immature (even though her behaviour was incredibly childish) and she took an almost parent tone with me. I allowed it to happen though, allowed my boundaries to get crushed. But its been the best part of 2 years of me having this mindset... .running around after her as if she is something extraordinary.

The fact that I find her incredibly attractive and that we had amazing chemistry doesn't help. I've always thought of her as being "out of my league" for some reason... .even though others tell me I have so much more going for me, which deep down I do believe it true. I'm trying to chip away at that pedestal... .being her down to what she really is, buts its hard when your mindset has been wired a certain way for almost 2 years (which in comparison to others' stories, is nothing!).

In emails we still have to exchange, she still has this tone of almost treating me as a child... .I don't know who she thinks she is, but I feel I can't allow it to happen anymore and I need to stand my ground... .which I think is essential for my self esteem. The hard part is she thinks I'm being difficult because I'm not overly "friendly" as she is in the email... .she doesn't quite understand how I still pain a lot and can't just move on as she does.

Is this kind of dynamic quite common in these types of relationships? And how best to chip away at that pedestal?

[peiper]

I went through a lot of the same. I had to stand back and start looking at the relationship logically instead of emotionally. Like if you were someone that wasn't involved in the relationship and just watching. It will change your perspective.

[hithere]

start looking at the relationship logically instead of emotionally.

Great advice! And also remember, it was not real.  Forget about chipping away at the pedestal try and think of it as just a mirage... .and let it blow away in the breeze of reality.