The replacement

[Bak86]

So it finally seems my ex found a replacement after 6 months. A coworker who is 40 years old(she's 25, i'm 28), who is incredibly ugly(not saying that because i'm vengeful or something, all other colleagues think the same about him ) and a bit nerdy to say the least. Do BPD's go for easier targets when they can't find someone? It surprises me, because she can be quite the charming person and could easily get anyone if she would try.

[enlighten me]

My ex 41 is now seeing someone who is 55. Before him apparently she was seeing a guy who was in his late 60s early 70s. Who knows what they are truely thinking. My thought is she is after a daddy figure.

[fred6]

Mine went younger. I'm 42, she's 41, and replacement is 34. But then again she always told me that she went out with younger guys. Guess that explains all of her failed relationships, haha. Well that and her emotional problems. I kind of wish I could watch it like a reality tv show. Would be very entertaining, ... .

[clydegriffith]

I find it strange that there was not a replacement lined up immediatley and that it took 6 months.

No way in the world the BPDx would have been able to be single for that long. It's always next man up.

As far as who the replacements are, there is no rhyme or reason. It's basically whoever is around and available that's willing to put up with her crap and a bunch of kids that aren't theirs in exchange for sex. When you strip everything down that's what it comes down to.

[evilpepsi]

I find it strange that there was not a replacement lined up immediatley and that it took 6 months.

No way in the world the BPDx would have been able to be single for that long. It's always next man up.

As far as who the replacements are, there is no rhyme or reason. It's basically whoever is around and available that's willing to put up with her crap and a bunch of kids that aren't theirs in exchange for sex. When you strip everything down that's what it comes down to.

That's almost exactly what her recycled narcissist ex/current told me. All that matters to him is that she puts out... .

[Ripped Heart]

My gf is 45 and I'm only 37.

My mistaken belief after running through the BPD mill previously with someone a little younger than myself (32) is that perhaps I needed to find someone a little more mature. Guess that worked out well for me, my gf acts like she is much younger most of the time and admits people can only tolerate her in small doses.

I echo clyde here too. My gf was proud of the fact she was single and independent for 7 years following the end of her long term r/s. However, every opportunity leads up to a story about a previous bf that did her wrong. There was the restraining order for the previous one (though he was a bit unbalanced), the one who bought her an iron for christmas, at least 2 of them who beat her, not to mention some of her old photos on fb about having the best bf ever and a few others I've counted from the stories she's told.

Finally, there is her own admission about not being able to keep down a relationship. So there are at least 7 in the past 7 years and given that our relationship is unbalancing at almost the year point, that doesn't give her much time for independence or being single.

[fred6]

I find it strange that there was not a replacement lined up immediatley and that it took 6 months.

No way in the world the BPDx would have been able to be single for that long. It's always next man up.

As far as who the replacements are, there is no rhyme or reason. It's basically whoever is around and available that's willing to put up with her crap and a bunch of kids that aren't theirs in exchange for sex. When you strip everything down that's what it comes down to.

That's almost exactly what her recycled narcissist ex/current told me. All that matters to him is that she puts out... .

Ha ha, I wonder how long 33 yo replacement is going to hang around when she eventually starts just laying there with a blank look on her face and doesn't actually participate. And then sex gets down to 1-2 times a month. I'm 42 and it was tough. If I was his age, I probably wouldn't be around too long. At his age I wanted it almost everyday. I can only imagine what she's thinking when he's trying to mount her 4-6 times a week. She literally has no sex drive. His free sex pass will expire just as soon as he gets comfortable with it.

I could be wrong and they may live happily ever after. But this whole thing looks like a train wreck to me,

[Tmwmf]

Maybe shes picked your coworker just to be annoying or get your attention 8/

[fred6]

Do BPD's go for easier targets when they can't find someone?

I'm not sure what would be an easier target, someone a good bit older or younger. I think age difference may have something to do with it for some pwBPD. But I think it has more to do with the replacements codependent/enabling traits and how much crap they will put up with.

[Hawk Ridge]

I continue to be stymied that she is with my replacement - makes absolutely no sense at all

[mrshambles]

That's what happened to me. Mind blowing sex/acts. Theeeeeen nothing. Affection died soon after, then it was just us sitting there "enjoying each others company". Soon it became just me sitting there while she cruised the internet all night. Funny, in the end she said I wasn't loving or sweet enough. I wasn't affectionate enough. Could you blame me? She made me feel like I was a rapist every time I touched her. I gave up.

[Caredverymuch]

So it finally seems my ex found a replacement after 6 months. A coworker who is 40 years old(she's 25, i'm 28), who is incredibly ugly(not saying that because i'm vengeful or something, all other colleagues think the same about him ) and a bit nerdy to say the least. Do BPD's go for easier targets when they can't find someone? It surprises me, because she can be quite the charming person and could easily get anyone if she would try.

I say this with no ill will.  I read a quote early on after seeing my expbd w my replacement, who is 15 years his senior and again, no ill will here, but oh dear, nothing to look twice at.

I feel for this individual who is likely a very caring, kind, and vulnerable woman. I know what she is hearing. I know what she is feeling.  I know what he is texting. I know when he texting these words to her.

I know he is saying he has never felt this way about anyone, in his entire life. I know he tells her he "needs" her. 

I know he says he "misses her. So much (("

I know how how his eyes dilate and open widely, as he looks her up and down when he sees her with his incredibly seductive smile.

I know he says " How ARE you?" While looking deeply into her eyes.  As if no one else is in the room.

I know she must be SO full in ways she never felt,  in her entire life. 

I know the destruction this all may cause for her.  As it did for me.

I take very good care of myself. I'm extremely fit, healthy. A model.  I say this not for me.  Just to understand that which we cannot.

I loved my expBPD who was unfit, unhealthy in may ways, and not anywhere near a model. 

I knew him, or so I believed, for many years before a romantic r/s began.  I really did fall in love with my friend.  This was not a quick course. That's one thing that really hard for me. I lost not only someone I loved, but... .a valued friend who I had immense history with.

I was horrified to see his incredible glee when I saw him w the replacement.  That SAME look we, the many, know.

I was in deep agony and there are no words to describe the missing of this man I entirely loved. Who just walked out seemingly overnight on me with no closure or goodbye. 

Regarding the replacement question we so ponder and struggle with. Know this:

It would not matter if it was a garbage can wearing a wig, as long as that garbage can wearing a wig provides one sided need.  That qualifies.

It's not about looks or age. It's about vulnerability.

It's about need.

Supply. 

Nothing else.

[evilpepsi]

I find it strange that there was not a replacement lined up immediatley and that it took 6 months.

No way in the world the BPDx would have been able to be single for that long. It's always next man up.

As far as who the replacements are, there is no rhyme or reason. It's basically whoever is around and available that's willing to put up with her crap and a bunch of kids that aren't theirs in exchange for sex. When you strip everything down that's what it comes down to.

That's almost exactly what her recycled narcissist ex/current told me. All that matters to him is that she puts out... .

Ha ha, I wonder how long 33 yo replacement is going to hang around when she eventually starts just laying there with a blank look on her face and doesn't actually participate. And then sex gets down to 1-2 times a month. I'm 42 and it was tough. If I was his age, I probably wouldn't be around too long. At his age I wanted it almost everyday. I can only imagine what she's thinking when he's trying to mount her 4-6 times a week. She literally has no sex drive. His free sex pass will expire just as soon as he gets comfortable with it.

I could be wrong and they may live happily ever after. But this whole thing looks like a train wreck to me,

Mine wanted it as much as I did. She was recently diagnosed with endometriosis and had a 4cm cyst on her ovary and She would still try to engage with me because she wanted it and she was worried about me leaving.

In january, she has to have a biopsy done on the cyst and the docs are almost certain that its cancer. Regardless, they will have to operate and she will be shut down for a while. I can already see the writing on the wall for this one. I'm in the medical field and she knows that the current will not give a rats assh about her condition.

[HappyNihilist]

Regarding the replacement question we so ponder and struggle with. Know this:

It would not matter if it was a garbage can wearing a wig, as long as that garbage can wearing a wig provides one sided need.  That qualifies.

It's not about looks or age. It's about vulnerability.

It's about need.

Supply. 

Nothing else.

We want to make it about what the replacement(s) or our ex's ex(es) are. That's not at all what's most important to the pwBPD. What is important is how the person makes the pwBPD feel.

This includes us, too, of course.

[downwhim]

Mine had the replacement before I was out the door and before b/c. I think this is the most common with BPD's.

[imstronghere2]

Mine had the replacement before I was out the door and before b/c. I think this is the most common with BPD's.

It sure was my experience.  My exwBPD got my replacement to marry her almost exactly 1 year after our divorce.  We were married for 19 years, together for 22.  She was cheating on me with this guy for a couple of months before she moved out.  This guy even created a "blended" FB page for the two of them.  Combined their first names as if it was one.   

They since moved several states away and she only texts our son about once a week.  I got uncontested sole custody.  It boggles the mind on how that guy can think he's SO special when she abandoned her own children?   WTH does he think is going to happen to him?

I've never met the guy but he MUST be a complete idiot.

[Deeno02]

Shes with her college buddy now. Totally nothing like me. Perhaps he makes more money(Im six figures), bigger house(Hers is in foreclosure), nicer car(I have a Jeep, come on!) able to take her on vacations(seemed hung up on that for some reason when I tried to reschedule it), more acceptable to her haughty friends(wondered why I only met her friends a handfull of times: Think she was embarassed of me) maybe he can dance?(got me there, I look like Im having a seziure) Maybe he has a bigger dick than me(Dont care, he'll need all the help he can get: She had 5 kids for god's sake) perhaps he shows his emotions more(got me there, she had me beat into submission) but I as least have hair! This dude is Friar Tuck bald. Guess in a nutshell, he's keeping her occupied and I cant complain about that. He's giving me the distance I need to get well and stay off the recycle list. I was the first replacement to her ex husband and I want to make sure that Im not recycled. So, Mr. Replacement, do your duty and keep her occupied for as long as you can! I thank you whole heartedly!

[Splitblack4good]

My replacement had just come out of prison pretty much homeless my ex just grabbed him coz he was ther no other men in sight ! Or available ! He moved in with Her and her 4 kids instantly it's a joke they knew each other 12 hours . He needed somewhere to sleep she needed a male object . Really can not see this working ?

[Splitblack4good]

Shes with her college buddy now. Totally nothing like me. Perhaps he makes more money(Im six figures), bigger house(Hers is in foreclosure), nicer car(I have a Jeep, come on!) able to take her on vacations(seemed hung up on that for some reason when I tried to reschedule it), more acceptable to her haughty friends(wondered why I only met her friends a handfull of times: Think she was embarassed of me) maybe he can dance?(got me there, I look like Im having a seziure) Maybe he has a bigger dick than me(Dont care, he'll need all the help he can get: She had 5 kids for god's sake) perhaps he shows his emotions more(got me there, she had me beat into submission) but I as least have hair! This dude is Friar Tuck bald. Guess in a nutshell, he's keeping her occupied and I cant complain about that. He's giving me the distance I need to get well and stay off the recycle list. I was the first replacement to her ex husband and I want to make sure that Im not recycled. So, Mr. Replacement, do your duty and keep her occupied for as long as you can! I thank you whole heartedly!

[Splitblack4good]

Shes with her college buddy now. Totally nothing like me. Perhaps he makes more money(Im six figures), bigger house(Hers is in foreclosure), nicer car(I have a Jeep, come on!) able to take her on vacations(seemed hung up on that for some reason when I tried to reschedule it), more acceptable to her haughty friends(wondered why I only met her friends a handfull of times: Think she was embarassed of me) maybe he can dance?(got me there, I look like Im having a seziure) Maybe he has a bigger dick than me(Dont care, he'll need all the help he can get: She had 5 kids for god's sake) perhaps he shows his emotions more(got me there, she had me beat into submission) but I as least have hair! This dude is Friar Tuck bald. Guess in a nutshell, he's keeping her occupied and I cant complain about that. He's giving me the distance I need to get well and stay off the recycle list. I was the first replacement to her ex husband and I want to make sure that Im not recycled. So, Mr. Replacement, do your duty and keep her occupied for as long as you can! I thank you whole heartedly!

Deeno this is brilliant comparison really did make me laugh !

[evilpepsi]

Shes with her college buddy now. Totally nothing like me. Perhaps he makes more money(Im six figures), bigger house(Hers is in foreclosure), nicer car(I have a Jeep, come on!) able to take her on vacations(seemed hung up on that for some reason when I tried to reschedule it), more acceptable to her haughty friends(wondered why I only met her friends a handfull of times: Think she was embarassed of me) maybe he can dance?(got me there, I look like Im having a seziure) Maybe he has a bigger dick than me(Dont care, he'll need all the help he can get: She had 5 kids for god's sake) perhaps he shows his emotions more(got me there, she had me beat into submission) but I as least have hair! This dude is Friar Tuck bald. Guess in a nutshell, he's keeping her occupied and I cant complain about that. He's giving me the distance I need to get well and stay off the recycle list. I was the first replacement to her ex husband and I want to make sure that Im not recycled. So, Mr. Replacement, do your duty and keep her occupied for as long as you can! I thank you whole heartedly!

I have a wrangler also, so allow me to say that a better car is NOT possible!

[Deeno02]

Shes with her college buddy now. Totally nothing like me. Perhaps he makes more money(Im six figures), bigger house(Hers is in foreclosure), nicer car(I have a Jeep, come on!) able to take her on vacations(seemed hung up on that for some reason when I tried to reschedule it), more acceptable to her haughty friends(wondered why I only met her friends a handfull of times: Think she was embarassed of me) maybe he can dance?(got me there, I look like Im having a seziure) Maybe he has a bigger dick than me(Dont care, he'll need all the help he can get: She had 5 kids for god's sake) perhaps he shows his emotions more(got me there, she had me beat into submission) but I as least have hair! This dude is Friar Tuck bald. Guess in a nutshell, he's keeping her occupied and I cant complain about that. He's giving me the distance I need to get well and stay off the recycle list. I was the first replacement to her ex husband and I want to make sure that Im not recycled. So, Mr. Replacement, do your duty and keep her occupied for as long as you can! I thank you whole heartedly!

I have a wrangler also, so allow me to say that a better car is NOT possible!

And you would be correct in that assumption... .Jeep wave!

[evilpepsi]

Shes with her college buddy now. Totally nothing like me. Perhaps he makes more money(Im six figures), bigger house(Hers is in foreclosure), nicer car(I have a Jeep, come on!) able to take her on vacations(seemed hung up on that for some reason when I tried to reschedule it), more acceptable to her haughty friends(wondered why I only met her friends a handfull of times: Think she was embarassed of me) maybe he can dance?(got me there, I look like Im having a seziure) Maybe he has a bigger dick than me(Dont care, he'll need all the help he can get: She had 5 kids for god's sake) perhaps he shows his emotions more(got me there, she had me beat into submission) but I as least have hair! This dude is Friar Tuck bald. Guess in a nutshell, he's keeping her occupied and I cant complain about that. He's giving me the distance I need to get well and stay off the recycle list. I was the first replacement to her ex husband and I want to make sure that Im not recycled. So, Mr. Replacement, do your duty and keep her occupied for as long as you can! I thank you whole heartedly!

I have a wrangler also, so allow me to say that a better car is NOT possible!

And you would be correct in that assumption... .Jeep wave!

Jeeps are proof that God loves us and wAnts us to be happy... .

[Deeno02]

Shes with her college buddy now. Totally nothing like me. Perhaps he makes more money(Im six figures), bigger house(Hers is in foreclosure), nicer car(I have a Jeep, come on!) able to take her on vacations(seemed hung up on that for some reason when I tried to reschedule it), more acceptable to her haughty friends(wondered why I only met her friends a handfull of times: Think she was embarassed of me) maybe he can dance?(got me there, I look like Im having a seziure) Maybe he has a bigger dick than me(Dont care, he'll need all the help he can get: She had 5 kids for god's sake) perhaps he shows his emotions more(got me there, she had me beat into submission) but I as least have hair! This dude is Friar Tuck bald. Guess in a nutshell, he's keeping her occupied and I cant complain about that. He's giving me the distance I need to get well and stay off the recycle list. I was the first replacement to her ex husband and I want to make sure that Im not recycled. So, Mr. Replacement, do your duty and keep her occupied for as long as you can! I thank you whole heartedly!

I have a wrangler also, so allow me to say that a better car is NOT possible!

And you would be correct in that assumption... .Jeep wave!

Jeeps are proof that God loves us and wAnts us to be happy... .

Along with beer and Jameson's

[evilpepsi]

Shes with her college buddy now. Totally nothing like me. Perhaps he makes more money(Im six figures), bigger house(Hers is in foreclosure), nicer car(I have a Jeep, come on!) able to take her on vacations(seemed hung up on that for some reason when I tried to reschedule it), more acceptable to her haughty friends(wondered why I only met her friends a handfull of times: Think she was embarassed of me) maybe he can dance?(got me there, I look like Im having a seziure) Maybe he has a bigger dick than me(Dont care, he'll need all the help he can get: She had 5 kids for god's sake) perhaps he shows his emotions more(got me there, she had me beat into submission) but I as least have hair! This dude is Friar Tuck bald. Guess in a nutshell, he's keeping her occupied and I cant complain about that. He's giving me the distance I need to get well and stay off the recycle list. I was the first replacement to her ex husband and I want to make sure that Im not recycled. So, Mr. Replacement, do your duty and keep her occupied for as long as you can! I thank you whole heartedly!

I have a wrangler also, so allow me to say that a better car is NOT possible!

And you would be correct in that assumption... .Jeep wave!

Jeeps are proof that God loves us and wAnts us to be happy... .

Along with beer and Jameson's

And blondes and guitars! When I got a developmental deal back in 2000, the working title of the demo was "beer, blondes, and guitars... ." it was a south Florida thing, hahaha... .

[clydegriffith]

I guess i should jump in on the Jeep love here. Snow White 14' GC Overland

I am a big fan of blondes and beers as well but prefer Jack to Jameson

[fred6]

Shes with her college buddy now. Totally nothing like me. Perhaps he makes more money(Im six figures), bigger house(Hers is in foreclosure), nicer car(I have a Jeep, come on!) able to take her on vacations(seemed hung up on that for some reason when I tried to reschedule it), more acceptable to her haughty friends(wondered why I only met her friends a handfull of times: Think she was embarassed of me) maybe he can dance?(got me there, I look like Im having a seziure) Maybe he has a bigger dick than me(Dont care, he'll need all the help he can get: She had 5 kids for god's sake) perhaps he shows his emotions more(got me there, she had me beat into submission) but I as least have hair! This dude is Friar Tuck bald. Guess in a nutshell, he's keeping her occupied and I cant complain about that. He's giving me the distance I need to get well and stay off the recycle list. I was the first replacement to her ex husband and I want to make sure that Im not recycled. So, Mr. Replacement, do your duty and keep her occupied for as long as you can! I thank you whole heartedly!

I have a wrangler also, so allow me to say that a better car is NOT possible!

And you would be correct in that assumption... .Jeep wave!

Jeeps are proof that God loves us and wAnts us to be happy... .

Along with beer and Jameson's

And blondes and guitars! When I got a developmental deal back in 2000, the working title of the demo was "beer, blondes, and guitars... ." it was a south Florida thing, hahaha... .

I had an idea for a website forum about 5-6 years ago. Guns, Girls, and Guitars. Just a few things that I like in life, ... .

[evilpepsi]

I guess i should jump in on the Jeep love here. Snow White 14' GC Overland

I am a big fan of blondes and beers as well but prefer Jack to Jameson

My love for buxom blondes was thrown in my face multiple times at the end when she found out who j dated before her. It didn't help that she saw her pjcd all over my old phone and one of her booms in my work backpack. Her currently recycled narcissist also gives me a hard time about it because he tried hard to hook up with her and was shot down every time... .