I was in a r/s with a very smart succsessfull BPD waif for 6 years ... .3 months ago she told me "her feelings had changed " after coming back from a short break with a GF .(In hindsight I can now look back over the last 12-18 months and really start to see the red flags of her detachment from me) but I was so in the fog and so desperate to bend over backwards to make her happy as well as make excuses for her and blame myself I just ignored all the signs .
Since the BU she has been as destructive , childish , cruel and selfish as possible I won't list all the nasty things she has done as well as the resentment and total sense of vindication and self righteousness she has projected onto me .
This women has nearly destroyed me and I don't say that lightly ... .I'm still reeling fr . The shock and the blows and it was my analysis , introspection and conversations with family and friends about her behaviours over the years that lead me to research BPD .
I need help I'm not going into therapy till the new year and all I seem to do is think about her 24/7 perhaps there are other people in the same boat who can help me or give me pointers with the following .
1.) Constant rumination "coulda shoulda woulda"
2.) The madness that I still want her back
3.) The shock of seeing her with the mask off
4.) The likleyhood she has a replacement the jealousy and hurt
5.) The blow to my self confidence & trust
6.) The damm longing
7.) The anger
8.) The shocking lack of empathy or remorse