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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: did anyone else's pwBPD say they had voices telling them things?  (Read 564 times)
hope2727
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« on: December 28, 2014, 05:18:12 PM »

My ex told me he heard voices       

Yes I know and I immediately sat up an paid attention. I asked if it was different voices or all different versions of his own voice. He thought about it and replied that they were different versions of this own voice? One telling him to leave me so he didn't hurt me any more, another telling him that he was being paranoid and I wasn't cheating, another telling him to go home and leave me alone to sleep, yet another telling him he will have to drive to our house and look in my windows to see if I didn't pick up the phone because someone else was there. And on and on. He described it like being inside a tornado full of broken glass cutting him as he tried to think.

I felt such sorrow for his pain but peering in the windows at midnight to a home we had shared months before ( he walked out) pushed me over the limit. I lost my temper called him on his crap. Told him if he was so concerned about who was sleeping in his/our bed he should get his butt home and sleep there himself. I told him I was changing the locks and that he would have to call between the hours of 10 and 10 and get my consent before coming to the house until further notice. And that is exactly what I did. He then went on about how he wasn't welcome in his own home anymore (its always been my house for years before I met him). I told him trust was earned and he relied that it should be given freely in a relationship. I of course replied that he has lost the privilege and would have to re-earn it. ugg.

How not to deal with  pwBPD 101. Oh well hindsight and better knowledge and all that.

So any of this seem familiar to any of your experiences?
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hurting300
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« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2014, 05:20:28 PM »

No she never told me anything like that.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
mrshambles
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« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2014, 05:38:36 PM »

Mine did. 2 summers ago a day before my brothers wedding. She was freaking out saying she was hearing voices. I don't know it was her being dramatic, a psychotic break, or what was going on. She had to be admitted for a week which she terribly hated. I never heard anything else from her like that again.  It was a very weird experience.
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Hope0807
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« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2014, 05:52:04 PM »

I'm not sure why you sound to be apologizing and saying that what you did was how NOT to react to someone like that.  I was giving you a high-five reading your strength in these lines.  Illness or not, when things violate our personal sense of safety and well being - self preservation must surface or we are willingly exposing ourselves to danger.

My ex told me he heard voices       

I lost my temper called him on his crap. Told him if he was so concerned about who was sleeping in his/our bed he should get his butt home and sleep there himself. I told him I was changing the locks and that he would have to call between the hours of 10 and 10 and get my consent before coming to the house until further notice. And that is exactly what I did. He then went on about how he wasn't welcome in his own home anymore (its always been my house for years before I met him). I told him trust was earned and he relied that it should be given freely in a relationship. I of course replied that he has lost the privilege and would have to re-earn it. ugg.

How not to deal with  pwBPD 101. Oh well hindsight and better knowledge and all that.

So any of this seem familiar to any of your experiences?

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hope2727
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« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2014, 06:12:25 PM »

I feel bad for losing my cool and arguing. I should have been able to remain calm and set a boundary without losing my temper. I went to counselling for years to be more even tempered. I am actually pretty able to do so most times. I even remained cool when my sister totally crossed the line a few times in the recent past. But with my ex he knew how to tip me over the edge. But thanks for validating me. Maybe i am wrong to thing I am wrong.  Smiling (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) 

Funny how I second guess myself all the time now.
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Blimblam
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« Reply #5 on: December 28, 2014, 09:44:04 PM »

My ex had a break down and she pleaded with voices. 

By the time my ex broke me down I heard some voices. 

I have heard that in the us people who hear voices hear a scolding authoritarian voice but in countries like India the voices seem to be more enthusiastic and welcoming. 

People fear what they do not understand.
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Infern0
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« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2014, 10:00:15 PM »

Yeah she told me she heard an angry voice telling her she was worthless and ugly etc.

I belive it's true and it's sad. But there was nothing I could do with her sadly
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jhkbuzz
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« Reply #7 on: December 28, 2014, 10:19:05 PM »

Yes, my exBPDgf admitted to hearing voices.  But I think it was a reflection of Jeffery Young's "schema" - voice of the abandoned child, the angry impulsive child, the detached protector, the punitive parent.  There always seemed to be a war for control.  Her adult self rarely won.

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missblue

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« Reply #8 on: December 28, 2014, 10:37:16 PM »

mine while somewhat drunk and falling asleep once whispered to me that when he drank too much was the only time the voices stopped calling him a failure and telling him he is worthless.

i took it to be figurative at the time... .meaning that he stopped beating himself up (punitive parent was a rather frequent visitor)

but after reading about BPD and the possibility of psychosis... .

and then remembering at one point when he'd made suicidal threats after the first breakup and he'd told me that if anyone really knew what was inside he'd be locked away... .

i honestly sort of wonder if he wasn't actually meaning real voices at the time.

might explain a few things actually... .
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Infared
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« Reply #9 on: December 28, 2014, 10:53:50 PM »

Mine did not. ... .but it would be no surprise if... .
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hope2727
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« Reply #10 on: December 28, 2014, 11:12:02 PM »

Mine often said the voices told him Je was stupid and worthless as well. He would also refer to himself as that when he was upset. It's such a sad disorder.
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Splitblack4good
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« Reply #11 on: December 29, 2014, 02:32:41 AM »

Yeah she told me she heard an angry voice telling her she was worthless and ugly etc.

I belive it's true and it's sad. But there was nothing I could do with her sadly

My ex used to hear voices when she was under a lot of stress in an argument same as above she was worthless etc was worrying at times saw this bout 4 months in .
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enlighten me
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« Reply #12 on: December 29, 2014, 02:46:28 AM »

My ex wife was on sleeping pills as it was the only way the voices would let her get to sleep. At first I took it that she couldnt shut her mind down as there was a lot going on and we all have times when we cant get to slerp as we are worrying over things.

Now I see it as her paranoias running wild.
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