What to do with his Xmas presents?

[Indyan]

So BPD left a present for my D10 and one for me in my car boot when I went to pick up baby last Sunday.

At the moment my D10 is at her dad's, and I'm seriously thinking of returning BPD's presents back to sender.

He bought something he knows she'll really like (a dino kit) and for me a book (Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements).

I know he's trying to buy my D10's affection (trying to discredit me) and giving me a lesson on morality.

I know it's stupid, but his book really made me angry.

My D10 is confused enough. Last time he saw her (when picking up baby), he offered her a magazine he knows she loves, and the previous time a kinder egg.

Poor kid, she's seen me cry at the fear of losing our house and having no money because of him, and she's seen him get really freaky. But she's seen him being really nice too, and she often talks about it. She's hurt, confused and traumatized. I know that getting such a nice present from him will only make her feel worse.

What should I do?

I'm thinking of leaving his presents at his doorstep with a note such as "no thanks".

But of course, this will be interpreted as not wanting peace.

It reminds me of his ex. Just before we started dating, he used to tell me about how hurt he was that she wasn't letting him see or contact her D11 anymore. I was really surprised, I couldn't understand why she would behave like this. I knew the girl, and that didn't sound like her. Especially that the poor kid had no contact with her biological father and the BPD had lived with her (on and off of course) for 2 or 3 years... .

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Indyan,

I can understand how angry you could feel about the presents.  Have you considered that he may have other intentions for giving the gifts, like being sincere?  

Does your pwBPD still communicate with your daughter?  If he does still, it may be awkward for your daughter to know that you sent the presents back.  

I would just accept the presents.  Regardless of his intentions, sending the presents back will probably make your situation worse. It is probable that you are going to be portrayed as the "bad guy" if you send the presents back.  

If you do not want them for you or your daughter, I would throw or give the presents  away.  

[Indyan]

Hi Indyan,

I can understand how angry you could feel about the presents.  Have you considered that he may have other intentions for giving the gifts, like being sincere?  

Does your pwBPD still communicate with your daughter?  If he does still, it may be awkward for your daughter to know that you sent the presents back.  

I would just accept the presents.  Regardless of his intentions, sending the presents back will probably make your situation worse. It is probable that you are going to be portrayed as the "bad guy" if you send the presents back.  

If you do not want them for you or your daughter, I would throw or give the presents  away.  

Thanks for your reply 

No, I don't believe in his "good" intentions. Today I got a call from my landlord telling me he wrote another letter and phoned them again. He's a pain, he keeps stabbing me in my back.

I think I'll follow your advice and just give the present among others to my daughter and her friend tomorrow eve, her friend is really into dinos too, and not tell them it comes from him. I don't intend to let my D see him for a while anyway, so she shouldn't hear about the present anyway.