A Native Perspective

[Perfidy]

LAKOTA CODE OF ETHICS

1. Rise with the sun to pray. Pray alone. Pray often. The Great Spirit will listen, if you only speak.

2. Be tolerant of those who are lost on their path. Ignorance, conceit, anger, jealousy - and greed stem from a lost soul. Pray that they will find guidance.

3. Search for yourself, by yourself. Do not allow others to make your path for you. It is your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.

4. Treat the guests in your home with much consideration. Serve them the best food, give them the best bed and treat them with respect and honor.

5. Do not take what is not yours whether from a person, a community, the wilderness or from a culture. It was not earned nor given. It is not yours.

6. Respect all things that are placed upon this earth - whether it be people or plant.

7. Honor other people's thoughts, wishes and words. Never interrupt another or mock or rudely mimic them. Allow each person the right to personal expression.

8. Never speak of others in a bad way. The negative energy that you put out into the universe will multiply when it returns to you.

9. All persons make mistakes. And all mistakes can be forgiven.

10. Bad thoughts cause illness of the mind, body and spirit. Practice optimism.

11. Nature is not FOR us, it is a PART of us. They are part of your worldly family.

12. Children are the seeds of our future. Plant love in their hearts and water them with wisdom and life's lessons. When they are grown, give them space to grow.

13. Avoid hurting the hearts of others. The poison of your pain will return to you.

14. Be truthful at all times. Honesty is the test of ones will within this universe.

15. Keep yourself balanced. Your Mental self, Spiritual self, Emotional self, and Physical self - all need to be strong, pure and healthy. Work out the body to strengthen the mind. Grow rich in spirit to cure emotional ails.

16. Make conscious decisions as to who you will be and how you will react. Be responsible for your own actions.

17. Respect the privacy and personal space of others. Do not touch the personal property of others - especially sacred and religious objects. This is forbidden.

18. Be true to yourself first. You cannot nurture and help others if you cannot nurture and help yourself first.

19. Respect others religious beliefs. Do not force your belief on others.

20. Share your good fortune with others.

~Native American Wisdom and Beauty Page

[Lucky Jim]

Thanks, Perfidy.  I enjoy the Lakota Code, particularly this part:

Do not allow others to make your path for you. It is your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.

I suspect that I lost sight of this teaching during marriage to a pwBPD.

Lucky Jim

[Perfidy]

I sure dig the whole thing, lucky Jim. Doesn't leave much out in forming a meaningful life. The composition of self is remarkable. A sharp mind is invaluable.

[Trog]

Treating people with top consideration ends with me being taken advantage of, I need to be more careful about whom I invite into my house and then I'll live by that rule Some people don't deserve the best sheets!

Otherwise lots here similar to Buddhism no?

[Perfidy]

The presence of a creative deity appears to be the primary difference from Buddhism. The rest is quite similar to Buddhism. We create our own suffering. To say that any one person doesn't deserve is to say that we ourselves don't deserve, in the strictest sense. It's hard to overcome our own desire and hatred.

[eyvindr]

True and good words -- thank you for sharing.

[EaglesJuju]

This is beautiful and inspiring.  Thank you for sharing.

[Trog]

The presence of a creative deity appears to be the primary difference from Buddhism. The rest is quite similar to Buddhism. We create our own suffering. To say that any one person doesn't deserve is to say that we ourselves don't deserve, in the strictest sense. It's hard to overcome our own desire and hatred.

No, I deserve the best sheets! What I am saying is, as a codependent you end up giving and giving and then end up hurt, giving and giving to people who are looking for givers, sometimes there has to be a qualified 'no'. Giving endlessly into dark pits got us all here in the first place, this proverb doesn't assume for a world of pd people.

[Crumbling]

 

Perhaps the key word there, Trog, is 'guest'.  A codependent is likely not a guest, but someone you share your space with all the time... .A guest is invited, or an unannounced visitor.  The code assumes that if you follow #3, you wouldn't be in a position where co-dependency is a part of your life to begin with.

This is a fabulous code, what a beautiful world it would be if only we could all live this way.

Thanks for sharing,

c.

[Trog]

Perhaps the key word there, Trog, is 'guest'.  A codependent is likely not a guest, but someone you share your space with all the time... .A guest is invited, or an unannounced visitor.  The code assumes that if you follow #3, you wouldn't be in a position where co-dependency is a part of your life to begin with.

This is a fabulous code, what a beautiful world it would be if only we could all live this way.

Thanks for sharing,

c.

I am the codependent, not the guest. I am not disagreeing the above would be a fabulous world to live in, I'm saying it's not the world we live in and stating to give over the best of what you have to guests, in my experience, is never paid back and people see you comin a long way away. I have a 'guest' here now who came to stay for a while that turned into 3 months, she is poncing off me and I've had to throw her out. I'm not sure telling a bunch of people, us, who mostly have codependency issues to get even better at giving and give more is a good life lesson. Anyway, we agree to disagree.

[eyvindr]

Hi Trog -- nice to read you. Happy New Year.

I hear you. If I may, I just want to reinforce one piece of Crumbling's response:

This is a fabulous code, what a beautiful world it would be if only we could all live this way.

That is key, and speaks directly to what you're expressing (I think) -- in a nutshell, that in order to work it has to be a two-way street.

It brought to mind memories of reading Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (links to a summary someone wrote, if you're interested), a now classic management text, but one that easily lends itself to other areas of living. Even though it was 20 years ago, I recall feeling strongly after completing it that as much as I enjoyed and agreed with the author's ideas and techniques, it seemed to have one serious limitation: In order for this approach to be effective, everyone participating had to buy into it 100%. It failed the minute anyone stopped participating.

I asked a Shambhala teacher about one of the teachings that has to do very much with staying in the moment, even when things are bad, as opposed to leaving. I still don't fully understand what he told me, but I have continued to meditate on it for over a year now. He said that there is an agreement that we don't want to bring things to a point of pain. My interpretation of this is that if all indications point to a negative outcome, it's not wrong to change direction. In other words, the teaching's don't instruct us to commit to misery where no positive outcome is achieved. Rather, they ask us to stay for as long as we need to come to a determination of what the right course of action is. Which may be to stay longer, or to leave.

[Perfidy]

Trog, there's the motivation behind giving. Some things are given with an expectation. If I give this,

then I will get that. If I give you something nice, then you will like me. The higher motivation in giving is also somewhat selfish. If I'm giving in the true spirit of giving, then I won't have bad karma and I will gain freedom from suffering because I have helped others. Some motives are more noble than others. Understanding giving is understanding that nothing is really ours in the first place. All we can ever do is posses impermanence in the things that we call ours. Even our lives. Impermanence is the nature of all things. When we speak of the nature of all things, we speak of unity. When we live in unity, the superimposed qualities that we ascribe upon ourselves and other people, as well as all objects, stop interfering with our happiness, and we no longer suffer.

[Trog]

Trog, there's the motivation behind giving. Some things are given with an expectation. If I give this,

then I will get that. If I give you something nice, then you will like me. The higher motivation in giving is also somewhat selfish. If I'm giving in the true spirit of giving, then I won't have bad karma and I will gain freedom from suffering because I have helped others. Some motives are more noble than others. Understanding giving is understanding that nothing is really ours in the first place. All we can ever do is posses impermanence in the things that we call ours. Even our lives. Impermanence is the nature of all things. When we speak of the nature of all things, we speak of unity. When we live in unity, the superimposed qualities that we ascribe upon ourselves and other people, as well as all objects, stop interfering with our happiness, and we no longer suffer.

I get it, however in my exp when I give it triggers in other people a sense of owing and I have seen this with others who have given too. If a friendship is lop sided, one person has a lot more money than the other and even if the richer person gives not expecting a return I have seen that friendship sour. I have seen people not paid back when it was a loan, ive seen people feel badly because they took and the relationship suffers. I really think it depends who, for example I give to my parents out of love and respect and I want nothing back and it never harms, they enjoy the nice thing and I enjoy giving, but for some people I see a jealousy creep in, they asked for a loan or whatever, to stay, and in the end the resent you because they have to pay you back or they feel indebted etc.

I like your idea but for me, I can't start from here, I believe i should start from knowing when it is right to give and then giving freely. I am not giving freely to those who lay on my couch, taking the mick, not getting a job when that is what they said they would do whilst eating me out of house and home contributing 0. Entitled people need to be avoided. Now if I practise the rest hopefully they worn be attracted to me in the first place.

[eyvindr]

The end of suffering is the ultimate objective. Perhaps unattainable, except for the most very committed.

I think most of us would do well to accept that there simply will be some degree of suffering in our lives. Some would argue that it is a fundamental component of living. I don't know. Definitely cultivating non-attachment and impermanence is a useful habit.

Wrt giving, I think our goal is to be able to do it without thinking about ourselves doing it, no? We ought to give when it is the right thing to do at the right time, with no thoughts as to who it is helping or how it could affect our own karma. Without knowing is the true state, as I understand it.

 

[Ihope2]

Thank you so much for this.  I've made a copy for myself.

Point 17 is of great significance with current events in Europe and the rest of the world... .  respect and tolerance all around.