Did you survive work commitments during break up?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I just want to thank everyone for sharing on this thread... .it has helped me immeasurable as I thought that I suffered at a level that was not normal at losing my partner, but knowing that others were devastated in the same way, too... .helps me heal and gives me comfort. Thanks for being so candid and honest. Being so has helped me greatly.

I would like to second this, had to take months out of work as I was unable to function at a basic level. I was ashamed aknowledge it even happened as it reminded me eerily how my low functioning ex partner dealt with issues. I'm not so much different, after all.

[BorisAcusio]

I just want to thank everyone for sharing on this thread... .it has helped me immeasurable as I thought that I suffered at a level that was not normal at losing my partner, but knowing that others were devastated in the same way, too... .helps me heal and gives me comfort. Thanks for being so candid and honest. Being so has helped me greatly.

I would like to second this, had to take months out of work as I was unable to function at a basic level. I was ashamed aknowledge it even happened as it reminded me eerily how my low functioning ex partner dealt with issues. I'm not so much different, after all.

[WhyMe?]

I just want to thank everyone for sharing on this thread... .it has helped me immeasurable as I thought that I suffered at a level that was not normal at losing my partner, but knowing that others were devastated in the same way, too... .helps me heal and gives me comfort. Thanks for being so candid and honest. Being so has helped me greatly.

Yes I would like to second this.  When I started the thread I never expected such profound sharing.  Thank you all for your posts.

Ditto. Even though it was a few years ago for me, the memories are still there. I am still incredibly embarrassed that I opened up to a few friends, not that they ever remind me of it, but it was so out of character for me. I used to go for rides and I would literally stop and cry in the middle and they'd have to wait for me to pull it back together. It was awful.

[hope2727]

One thing to remember is that people won't 'get' it and they don't need to. Friends keep telling me I should be over it but the psychologist says ignore them and just let yourself be. We discussed how abandonment is a primal terror. If as primitive people we were abandoned we would have dies. Being part of a clan or tribe would have been essential for survival. So abandonment would have been a death sentence. `throughout time banishment has been the most severe of punishments. So take it easy on yourselves. It will take time to heal.

Oh my I thought I was the only one who thought I was having a heart attack. Yes I had panic attacks but I also had tremendous chest pain. Like crushing debilitating chest pain. It would wake me up at night. Wow I had kind of forgotten that. Its been 8 months since the BU 3 of NC (like zero) and no more chest pains but every little thing still makes me jump. Like even a startling moment in a movies will bring me out of my chair.    Its embarrassing.

As for work I trudge along and try to repair damage done by this trauma.

So be gentle with yourselves people it will get better.   

[clydegriffith]

I'm very fortunate to still have my job after the BPDx's false domestic violence allegations had me arrested 4 times within a span of 8 months. Not only the arrests themselves but just the not being able to focus on work because of that and everything else that woman was putting me through. Although i did keep my job, mentally i was really out of it for about a year.

When i get bummed out about everything that happened i just tell myself how easily things could have been much worse then they are now. I have my own apartment, a nice car, still have my sweet job, friends i can rely on, i'm healthy and i came out of the legal nightmare i was put through without ever spending a night in jail, no criminal record and not speding one penny for attorneys. I could be in jail right now, or living at my mom's and/or unemployed, alone and with nothing.

I count my blessings every day.

[firewalkwithme10]

Barely.

I missed a few days, then returned and immediately told my boss what was going on. (I didn't want him to think my puffy eyes, bad mood, lowered performance meant I was on drugs or something! I wanted complete honesty.)

He worked with me to push back some deadlines, but work was, and IS--still hell for me. I can barely stay focused and have to take short breaks sometimes to cry. :'(

[mike in los angeles]

Hi all, i'm new to these boards, this is my first post. Really thankful I found this community as it's helped me to process and make sense of what happened in my BPD relationship about 3 years ago.

I was a complete wreck during the break up. I'm in a similar line of work, I work as a software developer. There would be days when I just could not work. I'd sit at my desk sobbing one days but then be able to pull myself together the next to make up for the time lost.  Meetings were tough though, i tried to avoid them as much as possible and stay glued to my desk.  I too was on contract, luckily i didn't affect my performance enough to get me fired but I know for sure I didn't produce at the same quality or level I had in the past. At the time of the break up I had no knowledge of BPD and didn't know how to make sense of my exgf's actions. It was just all a completely miserable and painful blur. I honestly don't know if i could have survived work-wise if i didn't work in a field that allowed me such limited contact with others.

[firewalkwithme10]

Hi all, i'm new to these boards, this is my first post. Really thankful I found this community as it's helped me to process and make sense of what happened in my BPD relationship about 3 years ago.

I was a complete wreck during the break up. I'm in a similar line of work, I work as a software developer. There would be days when I just could not work. I'd sit at my desk sobbing one days but then be able to pull myself together the next to make up for the time lost.  Meetings were tough though, i tried to avoid them as much as possible and stay glued to my desk.  I too was on contract, luckily i didn't affect my performance enough to get me fired but I know for sure I didn't produce at the same quality or level I had in the past. At the time of the break up I had no knowledge of BPD and didn't know how to make sense of my exgf's actions. It was just all a completely miserable and painful blur. I honestly don't know if i could have survived work-wise if i didn't work in a field that allowed me such limited contact with others.

Hi there, I also am contracting in the tech field. I'm very lucky that my job has limited responsibilities and I am mostly alone at a computer the entire day. Once I started reading about BPD, and realizing that I was being affected by someone else's mental illness, I started to blame myself less for the relationship ending. You start to realize that their actions are more to do with their own problems. I hope you can begin to feel better. 

[mike in los angeles]

Hi all, i'm new to these boards, this is my first post. Really thankful I found this community as it's helped me to process and make sense of what happened in my BPD relationship about 3 years ago.

I was a complete wreck during the break up. I'm in a similar line of work, I work as a software developer. There would be days when I just could not work. I'd sit at my desk sobbing one days but then be able to pull myself together the next to make up for the time lost.  Meetings were tough though, i tried to avoid them as much as possible and stay glued to my desk.  I too was on contract, luckily i didn't affect my performance enough to get me fired but I know for sure I didn't produce at the same quality or level I had in the past. At the time of the break up I had no knowledge of BPD and didn't know how to make sense of my exgf's actions. It was just all a completely miserable and painful blur. I honestly don't know if i could have survived work-wise if i didn't work in a field that allowed me such limited contact with others.

Hi there, I also am contracting in the tech field. I'm very lucky that my job has limited responsibilities and I am mostly alone at a computer the entire day. Once I started reading about BPD, and realizing that I was being affected by someone else's mental illness, I started to blame myself less for the relationship ending. You start to realize that their actions are more to do with their own problems. I hope you can begin to feel better. 

@firewalkwithme10

Exact same thing happened with me, up until the time I knew about BPD I was wondering what I had done wrong. So the interesting thing is that one of the women on team first clued me in about it during a random conversation about relationships. I would talk to her from time to time about my relationship with my ex. One day after a series of stories that I would recount with some levity included, she mentioned that she thought my ex had BPD. Once i started researching i could not stop. It was as if someone had finally understood all the little things i was dealing with in the relationship. To be honest a lot of the BPD behaviors that she had exhibited while we were together that i thought were odd, i had pretty much attributed to the fact that she was Russian, i thought it was some sort of cultural thing. But knowing about the BPD did help me stop blaming myself quite as much. But it still hurt like crazy, even to this day some 3 years later, i still get days every once in a while when i get emotional and can't function at work. Luckily it's a rare occurrence these days.