Interesting read on why pwBPD cheat

[Alberto]

www.psychforums.com/borderline-personality/topic154218.html

[SlyQQ]

Seems acurate even the fake cry!

[downwhim]

Thanks for sharing this. It is exactly what I thought. I think mine cheated for revenge because I set boundaries. I told him I would no longer stay when he went into a rage. When I would leave he got on the internet to find someone else. typical BPD.

[BorisAcusio]

First response:

by crystal_richardson_ » Sat Dec 27, 2014 11:26 pm

I think we cheat when we don't really feel like we're with someone. In this situation it's partly his fault for not making you feel like his.

Classic, shifting blame.

[Infared]

Seems acurate even the fake cry!

"Are those tears of sorrow or tears of manipulation?".

My therapist gave me that line. 

[Infared]

www.psychforums.com/borderline-personality/topic154218.html

Wow... .the person in that illustration is not capable in any way, shape or form of loving someone in an adult manner. ... .and her (less than) significant lover has no clue who he is "with".  She has this whole psycho drama in her mind going on about life that he can NEVER measure up to or survive.

Wow... .That read was an eye opener. WHOAH!

[clydegriffith]

I think the one i was invovled with cheated because she got a high out of it.

The riskier, the better. Nobody was off limits.

I am also all to familiar with the fake tears. I recall once when i first met her she said "i'm really good at fake crying".

[Mr Hollande]

A very charming girl named Celia weighs in with the following:

"I can cheat with little remorse, but go crazy if I'm cheated on. Most important rule of cheating NEVER ADMIT TO WHAT YOU'VE DONE. Trust me, it only makes things worse. And don't get caught."

It gets better from there and then she backtracks after someone by the name of xfc takes her to task. Very interesting. Celia is a revelation.

[BorisAcusio]

A very charming girl named Celia weighs in with the following:

"I can cheat with little remorse, but go crazy if I'm cheated on. Most important rule of cheating NEVER ADMIT TO WHAT YOU'VE DONE. Trust me, it only makes things worse. And don't get caught."

It gets better from there and then she backtracks after someone by the name of xfc takes her to task. Very interesting. Celia is a revelation.

It's not even the best line from her:

Cheat if it's what you need and you can get away with it. Don't cheat if it's making you feel like utter $#%^ in the long run.

xfc who's questioning her about her is actually a non "I am in a stormy relationship with a girl that suffers from borderline personality disorder. "

[Trog]

'Oh poop, what did I do'... . 

[Mr Hollande]

Xfc is great but for as great as he is, and for the enjoyment I get from him shooting her down in flames, I in some ways wish he'd let her ramble on. She is vile but also very useful as an eye opener.

[maric]

First response:

by crystal_richardson_ » Sat Dec 27, 2014 11:26 pm

I think we cheat when we don't really feel like we're with someone. In this situation it's partly his fault for not making you feel like his.

It made me sick to my stomach to read this... .I have been feeling better on the last couple of weeks, but I think is so so SO unfair that the cheater is great, going to Barcelona with my replacement, when I am still mending my broken heart. 

[Mr Hollande]

Maric, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

For what it may be worth to you I'll share a part of the last conversation I had with my ex. I told her that she is a sick person who hurts the people who love her. I doubt she has the tools to understand or appreciate what I said as her response was a deadpan "you're probably right". But try and imagine that that was you. Imagine that the only outcome whenever someone loved you was hurt and pain for them. To me that would be a curse. I don't think any sane person could live with that.

So who would you rather be? The person who will feel pain for having been hurt or the one capable only of wreaking pain and hurt on the loving and undeserving?

[Trog]

Maric, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

For what it may be worth to you I'll share a part of the last conversation I had with my ex. I told her that she is a sick person who hurts the people who love her. I doubt she has the tools to understand or appreciate what I said as her response was a deadpan "you're probably right". But try and imagine that that was you. Imagine that the only outcome whenever someone loved you was hurt and pain on their behalf. To me that would be a curse. I don't think any sane person could go on living if that was the case.

So who would you rather be? The person who will feel pain for having been hurt or the one capable only of wreaking pain and hurt on the loving and undeserving?

It's only a curse if you value people and don't feel you can just replace them with someone else. Otherwise maybe you just shrug and think, well, I got as much out of that toy as I could and now it's broken. If you don't value people and see them as objects I think all they regret is any possible impact to their social standing or more future opportunities they believed they had down the line to squeeze you a little more than you cut short, then 'how dare you's' start and you are actually in the wrong for daring to care even a touch about yourself. I guess BpDs are in a spectrum and some May feel something but from what I've seen it's only hurt that you dared to 'pee on their chips' (even if you own all the chips!)

[Mr Hollande]

What you say is true but I don't see their approach working very well for them in the long run. Theirs is a lifetime of shame, pain and destruction and there is no cure. For all the hurt they inflict on us there is still hope for us while there is none for them.

[Trog]

What you say is true but I don't see their approach working very well for them in the long run. Theirs is a lifetime of shame, pain and destruction and there is no cure. For all the hurt they inflict on us there is still hope for us while there is none for them.

100% agree,  we can recover and find the real love we wanted with them with someone deserving of that affection.

It can work very well for them, it's one tactic to get thru life, but on a spiritual level there must be some real pain, even if it comes on physically at first - you can't put that much pain, lies and bad behaviour out into the world and hurt other people like that without a repercussion somewhere along the line. Not possible.

[Mr Hollande]

An example is my ex who has been in debt, serious life crippling debt, for many years. Through a good friend, who is a solicitor, I managed to get her the legal help she needed to get the debts written off. Pro bono! After seeing me in tears over her abuse enough times my friend withdrew his help in disgust. She had a real chance of making her life easier and it fell in her lap through good and generous people. She wasted that chance by abusing those people so she remains in debt. Probably for life.

How dumb is that?

[BorisAcusio]

2 years relationship love him to death but i can't help but always find myself wondering if I could find someone "better" than him.

The two then begin to swim around the Ocean together, with the fake Remora eyeballing every other Shark that swims by as a possible source to cling to other than “Mother Shark.”

Spotting a new “Mother” source, the fake Remora must detach and puff up in stature so it appears to be a Shark, swimming alone. (Borderlines know that to detach before a new Shark can be found is very frightening- so they don’t detach from one source unless they are certain that they can attach to the new source successfully.) Mirroring the new source is done with a candied hook of adoration and valuation (this is the truth- they really do need you to survive.) without appearing too eager or undeserving or too pathetic.

…

(BPD) is the byproduct of a neglected childhood. Left on their own - they were alone and waiting for someone to come through the door. But what came through the door was always going someplace - and never stayed. What came through the door always left.

So as an Adult, they are constantly looking, constantly.

It also should be noted that she's expressing shame("what's wrong with me?", not guilt.

Brown also makes it clear that feeling guilty can absolutely be a healthy thing, as this emotion can and often does lead to positive behavior change: “I feel badly about my behavior, and I’d like to fix the situation and behave differently in the future.” Shame, on the other hand, is incredibly unhealthy, causing lowered self-esteem (feelings of unworthiness) and behaviors that reinforce that self-image: “I am a bad person and there’s nothing I can do about that, so I might as well continue behaving badly.” In short, guilt is potentially a very healthy feeling, and shame is not.

Guilt is other-centered because it focuses our thoughts on recognizing the rights of others and how we have violated them.

[drummerboy]

I think its a gross over generalisation to say that ALL BPDs cheat. They aren't all perfect clones of a profile, like nons, they are all different and on different parts of the spectrum.

[SlyQQ]

Unfortunately its not a "gross" overexagerationn to say every single one of them cheats is wrong though they have to have an oppertunity at least

[antelope]

What you say is true but I don't see their approach working very well for them in the long run. Theirs is a lifetime of shame, pain and destruction and there is no cure. For all the hurt they inflict on us there is still hope for us while there is none for them.

add to that^ the unplanned pregnancies, abortions, stds, sexually humiliating experiences in a blackout state, being known around town as the '___'... .

their life sucks.

they all cheat, eventually.

those are facts!

[jhkbuzz]

For what it may be worth to you I'll share a part of the last conversation I had with my ex. I told her that she is a sick person who hurts the people who love her. I doubt she has the tools to understand or appreciate what I said as her response was a deadpan "you're probably right".

Interestingly I had the exact same "you hurt everyone in your life" conversation with my gf... .she looked horrified as she realized the truth of it.

But try and imagine that that was you. Imagine that the only outcome whenever someone loved you was hurt and pain for them. To me that would be a curse. I don't think any sane person could live with that.

Spot on... .incredibly sad.  Imagine it... .beginning a new relationship... .knowing how you've destroyed relationships and harmed people in the past... .being hopeful that maybe this time it will be different... .only to destroy and harm again... .

What a horror.

[BorisAcusio]

they all cheat, eventually.

those are facts!

What we assume(!)from the studies and available community self-reports that a pwBPD at least two or three times more likely engage in infidelity while in a commited relationship than someone from the general population.

That still doesn't equate to all them cheat eventually. An apt analogy would be sitting on a ticking time bomb.

[Infared]

These are mentally ill people who have no empathy in their souls.  They feel nothing of any depth about how they treat others. It's all about their needs at all times, from what I have experienced.