Absurd post breakup requests?

[Targeted]

Not kidding!   She really told me and believed that a real man that loved her would still do these things!

WOW a mega black whole of self-centeredness.  All you can do is take care of you, move away from any contact with that, clear the FOG and heal! We support you. 

Yes!  Looking back on the relationship was always mean giving and her receiving, me doing and her relaxing.  A few months after the break up after all she has done to me she emailed me that she got in a car accident but she was okay, I told her I am glad you're okay that is good to hear and sorry about your car, then she said she is still going to go to the hospital for x-rays just to be sure and I said okay I hope everything turns out well,  A few hours later I get emails saying how I never cared about her and if I really cared I would be more attentive to her accident.  I reminded her that she told me she was okay and that's all I needed to know, I said we are not the relationship any more and anything outside of that is the responsibility of my replacement.  Then I got more emails about how I never loved her and never cared.  Later that evening I got another email from her asking me to just come up there and hold her,  she said IM sore and I just need to be held, I told her have One of the men in your Safetynet that you would not get rid of for me come over and hold you,  then she tried telling me that I promised to help her get pregnant even if we broke up and she thinks now is the time so I need to come up there and if I do not want to touch her that is okay I can make a donation in a cup but she would prefer a live load.    It was always about what she wants and I was never allowed to have any wants myself.

[JRT]

If you didn't have a child with her, I would be urging you to run as fast as you can... .thats just crazy.

[Infared]

Not kidding!   She really told me and believed that a real man that loved her would still do these things!

WOW a mega black whole of self-centeredness.  All you can do is take care of you, move away from any contact with that, clear the FOG and heal! We support you. 

Yes!  Looking back on the relationship was always mean giving and her receiving, me doing and her relaxing.  A few months after the break up after all she has done to me she emailed me that she got in a car accident but she was okay, I told her I am glad you're okay that is good to hear and sorry about your car, then she said she is still going to go to the hospital for x-rays just to be sure and I said okay I hope everything turns out well,  A few hours later I get emails saying how I never cared about her and if I really cared I would be more attentive to her accident.  I reminded her that she told me she was okay and that's all I needed to know, I said we are not the relationship any more and anything outside of that is the responsibility of my replacement.  Then I got more emails about how I never loved her and never cared.  Later that evening I got another email from her asking me to just come up there and hold her,  she said IM sore and I just need to be held, I told her have One of the men in your Safetynet that you would not get rid of for me come over and hold you,  then she tried telling me that I promised to help her get pregnant even if we broke up and she thinks now is the time so I need to come up there and if I do not want to touch her that is okay I can make a donation in a cup but she would prefer a live load.    It was always about what she wants and I was never allowed to have any wants myself.

She is THE black hole of self-centeredness.  I have never heard of it so bad.  If there were emotional police she would be arrested and put away for life.  Apparently, you have a child with her.  If you can I would get a T and also some legal advice and just detach and handle this situation in a completely business like form.  Not easy to do... .but that behavior is just not tenable by you. No way.

[Targeted]

If you didn't have a child with her, I would be urging you to run as fast as you can... .thats just crazy.

We never did have a child, and even though it is crazy its all true, I could not make this stuff up if I tried!  I am over six months postbreakup and have remained in NC since Dec 1st.  It's not easy for me to do because I remember all the years we were friends and she was so amazing, we actually got along perfectly, I knew nothing about this disorder before the relationship,  and I have my own codependent traits that tell me everything can be fixed so I have been fighting my urge to want help for this until now,  she is 52 and she has been like this for a very long time so I am not expecting any more that she would even want help or even if she got it that it would work, at least I learned about my own codependent traits out of this relationship so maybe it will not happen to me again.  A disorder is understandably a disorder but the further I am out of the relationship I can see this is just bat sheet crazy!

[JRT]

Sorry... .I misread that you had children together... .but that frees you up significantly... .the fact that she is 52 and like this does not bode very well for change either.

I felt the same way about my xBPDfiance'... .I recall just a couple of days before her disappearing act how happy I was with my life especially after a few years of personal problems. Little did I know that I would talk to her for the last time only a couple of days later and after two years, I would be split and painted black. Like your situation, it hasn't been easy.

Hang tough there friend.

[Jo-Marie]

Mine was not as crazy as these here, but he is not "so" BPD, just somewhere on the spectrum.


After we had split up (and it was final), I stupidly agreed to a plan to meet a month later for a coffee and a talk.  A couple of weeks before that, a family member generously offered to take me and my children (not his) on holiday with them.  I accepted and apologised to BPD asking if we could meet a few days later instead.  I got texts, emails, phone calls and a visit, to rage at me saying that I had f**ked with his heart, that I was a person not capable of loving, and that I had betrayed our relationship. 

We were no longer in a relationship.  AND I MUST STAY NC, mustn't I.

[Targeted]

Thank you JRT,

IM doing so much better with the reality of all of this, I know I am not 100% over her or healed yet.  I was so deep in the fog during the relationship I actually believed I could make all these problems go away by loving her more and doing more of what she asks.   I guess it worked perfectly for her because she actually had me believing that it was me that needed to change,  if I had a few beers while doing all the work around her house then I was a severe alcoholic and the cause of our problems, I ride a motorcycle and have a few tattoos so that means i am a  "biker" (with a negative connotation on the word) and bikers are all scumbags so I need to change that, many other things to keep me feeling inferior and not worthy so I what do more for the "relationship" to make things better, I can see now that the only thing that existed in the "relationship" was her and it was not about US!  So she was only saying you have to do this for me, you have to do this for me!  

I look forward to continuing healing and maybe next summer find a nice woman Who would like to go for a ride on the bike and stop and grab a beer somewhere!

[Infared]

If you didn't have a child with her, I would be urging you to run as fast as you can... .thats just crazy.

We never did have a child, and even though it is crazy its all true, I could not make this stuff up if I tried!  I am over six months postbreakup and have remained in NC since Dec 1st.  It's not easy for me to do because I remember all the years we were friends and she was so amazing, we actually got along perfectly, I knew nothing about this disorder before the relationship,  and I have my own codependent traits that tell me everything can be fixed so I have been fighting my urge to want help for this until now,  she is 52 and she has been like this for a very long time so I am not expecting any more that she would even want help or even if she got it that it would work, at least I learned about my own codependent traits out of this relationship so maybe it will not happen to me again.  A disorder is understandably a disorder but the further I am out of the relationship I can see this is just bat sheet crazy!

I had a similar situation with my ex.  I lived with her for 5 years and loved being with her and just like you and JRT once I was painted black behind my back there was this person in front of me that I had never met.  She is someone I do not know.  I do not interact with her in any manner, ever.  She has tried over the years. I it like dealing with a ticking bomb... .

I do not engage in any way in any attempt to contact me.  Unfortunately it feels like self survival.   As you guys know... .I miss that way it was and have to accept that that is just in the past.  Its a long haul.

Targeted... .your experience far outshines my repeated trips to the looney bin.  WOW!  We give you a group hug!  

[downwhim]

WOW, she is 52 and wanting a baby with you donating into a cup post b/u? I know your not laughing but God this is one crazy chick

[JRT]

All that we all have put up with! We should wake up every day and feel not only secure with them, but that their presence in our life accentuates ourselves and makes us feel better about life than if we were all along, not the opposite.

[Targeted]

Infared,

The exact same thing happened to me the very last day I was with her, this Beautiful petite woman with the most gorgeous face I have ever seen in my life transformed right in front of me into the most evil looking thing that I have ever seen, The person that I knew for almost 10 years was completely gone and replaced Buy something straight out of a horror movie. I think she know that night that I was done and not coming back and that triggered all of her abandonment fears

[Targeted]

WOW, she is 52 and wanting a baby with you donating into a cup post b/u? I know your not laughing but God this is one crazy chick

I think a baby for her soothes her abandonment fears because a child would be a constant and could not leave at least until they are grown up,  but yes, still a little crazy nonetheless.

[downwhim]

Yes, that is what I want too. To be able to wake up and feel secure and loved. Not that love has an expiration and I need to be anxious and ready anytime to take flight. It is exhausting living that way.

Where are the NORMAL men?

[JRT]

The normal men are all here in this board!

[Targeted]

Yes, that is what I want too. To be able to wake up and feel secure and loved. Not that love has an expiration and I need to be anxious and ready anytime to take flight. It is exhausting living that way.

Where are the NORMAL men?

I asked the same question are there any normal women out there?  You're right it is too exhausting, I know her and I really loved each other and it was real!  It just stinks that when she finally gets I love she wants she has to fight it off and run away from it. You cannot keep chasing after somebody who keeps running every time you catch them, it wears you out too much

[Infared]

Yes... .also... .Targeted... this person also occassionally acts out with her new supply in front of me to hurt me in an emotional way. We are talking years after the leaving and lies.  I can see the enjoyment on her face that she (believes) in that moment that she has total control over him and me. It is really sick to see someone that you shared your heart with acting in that fashion.  ... .but then if she is alone she will orchestrate this ridiculous accidental run-ins and try to walk up to me "accidentally" and she has this look on her face like everything is like it always was lets talk.  CAN YOU SAY PSYCHOPATH.  I just move away from her.   I cannot own any self dignity and play these games no matter how much I would like to resolve how I was treated.  I have to handle that on my own.

Tough stuff.

[Targeted]

I do not see my ex at all or run into her, she lives about 65 miles away, so she really does not have the chance to throw a replacement in my face, I do not see her Facebook at all because she had me blocked there even while in the relationship, I know which shopping while she goes to so I never go there just in case, before I went NC The only replacement taunting I guy was she said she believes she found someone who will love her, I said good and I do not want to screw up your new relationship for you and we are done talking,  I know I probably should not look but it is reassuring to look on Pof and see that she is still on there all the time looking for a new victim, so much for the new guy huh?   

[downwhim]

Targeted,

POF is such a gross site. It is for total hook ups so not surprised she is on there. I am moving 25 miles away in a few months just to get farther from my ex. I do not want to run into him and my replacement.

I did run into our jewelry guy who sold us the ring. I told him what happened and it's just all so embarrassing. Got too close and he ran for the hills and grabbed a woman on the way. He is such poison to me. 93 days and counting. The maturity level is so low... .

[JRT]

Targeted,

POF is such a gross site. It is for total hook ups so not surprised she is on there. I am moving 25 miles away in a few months just to get farther from my ex. I do not want to run into him and my replacement.

I did run into our jewelry guy who sold us the ring. I told him what happened and it's just all so embarrassing. Got too close and he ran for the hills and grabbed a woman on the way. He is such poison to me. 93 days and counting. The maturity level is so low... .

You are 93 days NC or 93 days after the b/u?

[Targeted]

I know Pof is such a gross site, not only would I not put myself on there I would not go on any dating sites, but specially that one, you can just look without having a profile.  I will at a few other profiles just to see if I could spot a disordered person, I came across a profile of a Woman who had all the cleavage shots of herself and what she wrote about herself screamed PD!  All about how she was tired of loser men, she had a very hard life but appreciates it because now she knows and she really is,  she actually even wrote that her friends tell her that she is impossible in relationships because she has black and white thinking!  Along with all the great things about her?   . I would be willing to bet she has a pet unicorn and a couple of flying monkeys to!

[mitatsu]

After leaving 'her' house was asked if i was going to keep paying my half of bills rent etc?

and the classic 'can we be friends?' Dufuq... .you had no respect for me as a husband but you want to be my friend? maybe if you'd been a friend in our rel we'd still be man and wife... .

[Mutt]

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