Upset with the #Let'sTalk campaign

[.cup.car]

Maybe I'm overreacting or just a bit cranky from not having a good weekend, but this has been eating at me for a few days.

Up here in America's hat, there's a big ad campaign by a major cell phone company called #Let'sTalk, and their goal is to remove the negative stigma surrounding mental illness. They basically imply that serious mental disorders aren't that big of a deal, and you shouldn't be afraid of people who are mentally unwell - they just need a hug or someone to talk to once in a while.

One of these ads in particular, deal with a group of high school kids spotting a "crazy girl" in the hallway, and one of the classmates eventually suggests they should all say "Hi" to her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qW2izYX54f0

I'm in domestic violence counseling, and a good chunk of these sessions focuses on how to avoid mentally ill women; also discussing the ways in which they manipulate people with good intentions.

I understand it goes both ways, but I'm a guy, so I'm writing from a guy's standpoint.

The radio and TV are now telling me I'm a terrible person for avoiding these people and that I'm enforcing some sort of negative stigma and hurting people's feelings by doing so.

I'm nearly in tears whenever these ads come on because I can't believe how wrong they've got it. Professionals are warning me how dangerous these people are, and now I'm a big meanie for refusing to associate with them.

[fromheeltoheal]

All crazy is not created equal.  I was in a small seaside community for work the other day, meeting with a few people, and as we stood outside talking we witnessed a guy across the street, apparently homeless with a shopping cart full of his stuff, wearing dirty clothes and with unkempt hair and a big untrimmed beard, and he was having an intense, angry argument with people only he could see.  Amusing and sad at the same time, but it was also clear the guy was harmless, except to himself and maybe he could get a little violent, but he was so clearly mentally challenged that it didn't present a challenge.  Dealing with someone like that would take professional training, walking up and saying 'Hi' wouldn't have been appropriate or effective, but you get the point.

On the other hand there are people who appear 'normal', but have aberrant belief systems and/or malicious intent, and I agree, those people are dangerous.  My borderline ex was only dangerous to those who got emotionally enmeshed with her, and what that took on my part was ignoring many red flags and running with my denial.  Don't see that happening again, but stay tuned... .

Anyway, I get the point of the ad, they're advocating for socializing with folks who might be social outcasts, we've all seen or known them, and maybe with some of them that's all it takes, a friendly person to break through and make them feel not so alone.  Virtuous in that regard, but also we need to go in with our eyes open and our red flag radar turned up to 10; some people's motivations are pretty clear from the start if we pay attention, and all crazy is not alike.

[Zpinal]

I am gonna add to what Fromheeltoheal said.

This campaign is about mental illnesses and not treat them as outcast. We, who have been romantically involved with someone afflicted by BPD and other related or unrelated condition (mine was also Bipolar and hyper anxious so its a big mix of a very f00ked up women) may not see that campaign with a good eye. However, mental illnesses is a VERY GENERAL AND WIDE TERM. A simple depression (altough it's not that simple) is considered a mental illness even when its temporary.

I also live north of the border and I have seen the ad you are talking about. I do not think it relates in any shape or form to BPD at all. The campaign is to kill the stigmatism about people genuinly sick and being poorly judged as lazy or weak by their coworkers or classmates. I do think you are overreacting a bit. Despite my experience with my exBPD, I am not gonna avoid these people at all cost. Or course I will never get involve emotionally with one of them again. With the understanding of the mental illnesses, my interests I developped in Psychology and many of my friends that are working in the mental health field. I know how to detect the red flags and did actually avoid a relationship with another person afflicted. I have detected it after less than an hour talking to her.

Keep focusing on yourself, be honest with yourself and work to exorcize your own demons to avoid attracting them kind of people to you. Life goes in laps like a Nascar race track, it will teach you lessons and test you until you understand said lesson, if you don't then you will be up for another lap of the same BS until you get it.

This board is a great place and its good for you to read the Lessons again to evaluate where you are in your recovery. At this point I have been out of the r/l for longer than it lasted. I was blessed to know many people in the mental health field that probably scared my ex away. Like any BPD, she has the emotional development of a 10 yo child and she did recognized some of my friends from the time she was in the hospital. So I think in her mind, there was way too much «authority figures» in my circles for her. She knew that it would not have taken long for me to see right through her smokes and mirrors that covers how broken of a human being she really is. (aka happy mask).

You will get better in time I promise, make sure to recognize how your system file works and don't let a bad file lag you out.

I hope this helped you a bit and I am sorry for any grammar or other English mistakes, it is my second language.

[Turkish]

Soundbites, Facebook memes, media drive-by psychiatry: 

It's completely understandable why you would feel this way given the abuse and DV you experienced. The things that's missing from the drive-bys is boundaries. We might think ,"there is an agenda at work here, and it's one-sided," blame the victim, perhaps. On a grand scale, is there anything we can do about it? Probably not.

I don't think there's anything wrong with compasssion, however. PD or not, how much did peer invalidation contribute to many hypothetical "weird" girls or guys becoming worse? Our own boundaries should be: "just don't date them."

In the small town in which I grew up, there was a "greeter." I wouldn't call her a PD, but she was mentally deficient. Being a small town, everybody looked out for her, donating aluminum cans and the like. She was harmless and charming in a child-like way.

Recently, I've started volunteering with some homeless outreaches with an organization attached to my church. My city recently rousted what was called one of the largest homeless encampents in America. I think it even made Drudge. Though a Christian faith-based organization, we still have event security, and I worked that. They guy in charge of security took me aside and briefed me on some "homeless gang members" who were sitting outside the event. He told me and others to not let them in. At the last event, which I had missed, one of the guys was carrying around a butcher's knife.

When it came time to feed (this was Thanksgiving Day), I saw the guy get in line with the vonlunteers to grab plates and hand out food to the people sitting at the tables inside the fence. I and anther guy intercepted him and said, "this is the volunteer's line, and we can't let you come in, but if you go back to where you were, we will make sure we bring you some dinner." Luckily, he acquiesced. Soon after, some volunteers came over and brought him and his buddies plates. I heard later that he was surprised and greatful that we did that, and we kept our word. What did I learn? That there's nothing wrong with showing compassion with proper boundaries.

[Rise]

I'm in domestic violence counseling, and a good chunk of these sessions focuses on how to avoid mentally ill women; also discussing the ways in which they manipulate people with good intentions... .

I'm nearly in tears whenever these ads come on because I can't believe how wrong they've got it. Professionals are warning me how dangerous these people are, and now I'm a big meanie for refusing to associate with them.

There is a giant difference between not treating someone as a social pariah and letting them into your life. I think the point of the campaign is to not simply define someone as mentally ill. Not everyone with a mental illness is cut from the same cloth, particularly if they are in treatment (and on the correct medications if their condition is treatable with them). Having a mental illness doesn't make someone a bad person by default. That doesn't mean your counseling is wrong. Letting someone with a mental illness into your life isn't a decision that everyone should be willing to make. Choosing not to doesn't make you a bad person.

[Visitor]

Cup

You are confusing treating a mentally ill person equally with getting into an intimate relationship with one.

The campaign is geared more towards social exclusion and bullying than that person finding a partner.

If I ever meet a borderline woman again I will recognise the red flags and be careful not to get into a relationship with her yes. But I will not treat her any different because of it unless she shows me any reason to do so.

For those of you who have been burned by the bad borderline I promise you they are NOT all like that. My ex had BPD and she really was one of the nicest people I knew. It was just the disorder that got in the way.