Thank you EaglesJuju. That really helps and it makes so much sense.
I asked my husband at lunch few weeks ago how he could just move on from a subject that was so intense and important regarding our marriage. He simply said "I don't like to feel bad". I kind of freaked out inside that day. I thought, great... .I'm married to a psychopath. Though I'm learning that male BPD and Female aren't the same and males tend to have different if not a few more traits?
I see a lot of empathy for them on here (and I read too late we aren't suppose to make them out to be villians... .oops.) and I DID and I do have empathy but not as much as I use to have. I wrecked my own life trying to figure him out and "help" him. Co-dependency at it's best.
It seems easier to make him out to be the villain but I see it gets me nowhere. Are we suppose to stay strong in holding them accountable? I understand he is drowning in guilt and he says all the time he doesn't know how to help the situation. If the definition of insanity is repeating same thing expecting different result, I'm NUTS. Seriously, I feel like I've tried every angle and technique under the sun to help him express himself but the longer we are together... .the harder he pushes and the more angry he gets. If I support or empathize he runs right over me. He knows I'm afraid of him emotionally. Is that power they take and use like a narcissist? I do believe he is an emotional vampire. If he manages to break me and make me cry or yell... .he immediately calms down. It's so scary!
What I'm sensing from your posts is that you are very overwhelmed, and not quite sure what to do. I hope you find comfort knowing we are all here, we understand and we support you
You will see a lot of empathy on this board because we are trying to understand it ourselves. Having empathy doesn't mean they get a 'free pass', but understanding WHERE it's coming from helps US handle situations better and helps us communicate better.
It sounds like you have been dealing with by yourself without even knowing what's going on. That must have been really hard How long have you been together?
We as people get the most frustrated when we expect something and it doesn't happen. I'm reading that you are wanting him to express his feelings more, but it's causing him to dig in further. This is common BPD behavior, and it's also pretty difficult for them to do, since they don't even know how they feel or why they feel most of the time.
Have you had a chance to read any of the tools on this site? There are some great communication tools that can help bridge that communication gap.
He's isn't a psychopath. He's emotionally immature and calibrated differently.
