Message came today

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

ExGF called and left voicemail, I don't answer the phone at the house either!  She said something happened between her mother and her New Year's Eve and it is very upsetting and she needs somebody to talk to as a friend, I am not going to respond at all, I do not even have the urge, part of me does want to say that I cannot be friends with someone who cheated on me and called child services on me so you called the wrong person!  I could not be of any help to somebody that was that hateful and hurtful to me, please ask somebody on POF,  I know doing all of that is not worth it but I need to respond and I am responding here, to the people that have helped me so much! Just getting it out!

[Targeted]

ExGF called and left voicemail, I don't answer the phone at the house either!  She said something happened between her mother and her New Year's Eve and it is very upsetting and she needs somebody to talk to as a friend, I am not going to respond at all, I do not even have the urge, part of me does want to say that I cannot be friends with someone who cheated on me and called child services on me so you called the wrong person!  I could not be of any help to somebody that was that hateful and hurtful to me, please ask somebody on POF,  I know doing all of that is not worth it but I need to respond and I am responding here, to the people that have helped me so much! Just getting it out!

[JRT]

Keep strong... .

How long were you nc?

[Targeted]

NC since Dec1st,  her mother is definitely her problem with abandonment issues, I met the parents I know her history I know too much, i've done too much reading and studying on the subject, I am not going to put a Band-Aid on a wound for her that is infected and needs to be cut open and drained!  If I talk to her it will only get her through another disordered day!  It will be enabling!  If she is reaching out to me because there is love?  She will break down to the right point to get help.  If not I have nothing anyways!   She is welcome to find answers to her problem with her mother on POF!   I feel bad she is having a family problem but it is not my problem at the moment!   I remember all the hurtful negative things she said about me and to me and the names she called me,  she does not want my advice about what to do with her mother! Why would you call the guy you think these things of?  It is obvious that she does not think these things of me and misses me and wants to reconnect and is trying to find my hook!   She knows how family orientated other man I am, she knows I will most likely respond to a family issue, but she also knows I told and she needs help. 

[Tim300]

called child services on me

That's the beginning and end of the analysis on this one.  That's too much.  And what would stop her from doing it again, or worse. 

[Targeted]

called child services on me

That's the beginning and end of the analysis on this one.  That's too much.  And what would stop her from doing it again, or worse. 

Point taken and noticed some time ago!  I would like to remind her of her actions and why I do not want to help, but I think NC is reminding her of that plenty! 

[ShadowIntheNight]

NC since Dec1st,  her mother is definitely her problem with abandonment issues, I met the parents I know her history I know too much, i've done too much reading and studying on the subject, I am not going to put a Band-Aid on a wound for her that is infected and needs to be cut open and drained!  If I talk to her it will only get her through another disordered day!  It will be enabling!  If she is reaching out to me because there is love?  She will break down to the right point to get help.  If not I have nothing anyways!   She is welcome to find answers to her problem with her mother on POF!   I feel bad she is having a family problem but it is not my problem at the moment!   I remember all the hurtful negative things she said about me and to me and the names she called me,  she does not want my advice about what to do with her mother! Why would you call the guy you think these things of?  It is obvious that she does not think these things of me and misses me and wants to reconnect and is trying to find my hook!   She knows how family orientated other man I am, she knows I will most likely respond to a family issue, but she also knows I told and she needs help.  

99% sure my uBPDexgf's source of abandonment is related to her mother. She is always attracted to older women (even when she was withh her exH, and I am her exgf btw). Her mother knows how to shame her with one or two words. My exgf is a T and still lets her mother control her life.

Good you posted here and not return her call.

[paperlung]

Good on you for sticking to your boundaries. She doesn't deserve your time after what she did to you. She'll get why.

[hope2727]

I have been practicing my line for such an occasion with my therapist.

Him ... ."I want/need ... .and you are who I want need it from"

Me... ."I don't associate with people who don't respect me."

Him ... ."I respect you."

Me ... ."I was treated like 'poop' and then blamed for it. People who respect me don't do that."

Perhaps that will inspire you if you do break NC. Hugs

[Targeted]

I have been practicing my line for such an occasion with my therapist.

Him ... ."I want/need ... .and you are who I want need it from"

Me... ."I don't associate with people who don't respect me."

Him ... ."I respect you."

Me ... ."I was treated like 'poop' and then blamed for it. People who respect me don't do that."

Perhaps that will inspire you if you do break NC. Hugs

Thank you hope,  I'm not breaking NC for this one, I am a man or cares so much about family and have had enough happen in my family life to know this is a drug addict looking for a place to sleep and leave in the morning with some of your jewellery,  I will step in if A real attempt at help happens but I will be dipped in s":t if somebody is going to leave with my watch!

You cannot help loving somebody the way you do but you can help by not enabling a problem,  I do love her, I do want her to get better, but in the same token I do not want another bogus call to child services, I do not want it to escalate to a bogus police report, I do not want to leave myself open for more torture, I love the way I do because IM me, but I have learned so much from all the people here and I'm so thankful for the site because I also learned somebody who can love like I do deserves a lot better.  I deserve reciprocation, not confrontation,  I thank you all for your support but I am doing well and just making all of my friends aware of my story! 

[slimmiller]

Stay strong. She needs you as a crutch emotionally and thats all she is after.

I know its hard and they plead to us because they know they can in some form bully us back into the position of feeding their inner emptyness. Or so they 'think'. Thats why they chose us in the first place. Any and I mean, any, response will soothe her in some way. Even if you were to scream at her, it would still confirm some passionate feelings and that to her is better then being ignored.

My ex tries it all the time. She has another 9 years and six month left to try that .


Our youngest is 8 and and a half

[Targeted]

Targeted, I'm pleading to your sensitive side, I have experienced a few more men since you and nobody cares like you did, I'm calling you with a issue knowing your heart will break and you will validate me! I know I screwed up but I can't admit that !   Please be the one to apologise to me for my actions again'

That's how I hear it!   

[Targeted]

I have been practicing my line for such an occasion with my therapist.

Him ... ."I want/need ... .and you are who I want need it from"

Me... ."I don't associate with people who don't respect me."

Him ... ."I respect you."

Me ... ."I was treated like 'poop' and then blamed for it. People who respect me don't do that."

Perhaps that will inspire you if you do break NC. Hugs

All kidding aside hope,  I like your reference to " poop ". 

[hope2727]

I have been practicing my line for such an occasion with my therapist.

Him ... ."I want/need ... .and you are who I want need it from"

Me... ."I don't associate with people who don't respect me."

Him ... ."I respect you."

Me ... ."I was treated like 'poop' and then blamed for it. People who respect me don't do that."

Perhaps that will inspire you if you do break NC. Hugs

All kidding aside hope,  I like your reference to " poop ". 

Thanks. I am trying to  clean up my potty mouth. But seriously i practice saying that stuff every day. Just in case.

[Infared]

ExGF called and left voicemail, I don't answer the phone at the house either!  She said something happened between her mother and her New Year's Eve and it is very upsetting and she needs somebody to talk to as a friend, I am not going to respond at all, I do not even have the urge, part of me does want to say that I cannot be friends with someone who cheated on me and called child services on me so you called the wrong person!  I could not be of any help to somebody that was that hateful and hurtful to me, please ask somebody on POF,  I know doing all of that is not worth it but I need to respond and I am responding here, to the people that have helped me so much! Just getting it out!

Ahhhh... .just like everyone thought... .she is upping her game and playing victim to manipulate you to rescue her.  It is just her latest  self-centered attempt to triangulate you. You ARE "Targeted", afterall. LOL! How disrespectful is it to YOU and to HIM that she is contacting you for emotional support?

Now ... .let's see... .we are all rooting for you to maintain NC. If you do, I bet her next attempt will be angry and abusive.  

Hang tight and take care of you. She does not care about you or love you... .she just wants to set her hook and control you by any means. I went thru the same thing... .repeatedly.  I know how twisted and painful this is and I hope that you can take the actions that take care of you, keep you strong and allow you to heal from this negative drama.

No contact is the best thing for you and your best weapon.

[fromheeltoheal]

it is very upsetting and she needs somebody to talk to as a friend,

After the way you were treated, do you consider her a friend?  Do your other friends treat you like that?

[myself]

it is very upsetting and she needs somebody to talk to as a friend,

After the way you were treated, do you consider her a friend?  :)o your other friends treat you like that?

 

Plus, crutches are short-term. So the person eventually walks on their own.

[Ripped Heart]

Targeted, I'm pleading to your sensitive side, I have experienced a few more men since you and nobody cares like you did, I'm calling you with a issue knowing your heart will break and you will validate me! I know I screwed up but I can't admit that !   Please be the one to apologise to me for my actions again'

That's how I hear it!   

Perfect analysis Targeted. We knew from your previous encounter that something was coming and I believe you are handling this exceptionally well.

As I mentioned on your earlier post, chances are there are going to be a few more messages. It could be that she gets more desperate, it could be that you suddenly get suicide threats or it could be that you get the anger and rage. The important thing is to stick with what you are doing because you have control of you again.

ExN/BPDw would use her children being sick to try and hook me, I remained NC and then would get the projection that I obviously didn't care, which when that was met with no response would switch back to being nice and concerns for my family. She threw everything but the kitchen sink at me to try and get me to break NC for 2 years but I never responded to any of it.

Given the way your ex has treated you, also her previous message about you needing the help, it must be quite frustrating to be considered a "friend" Likewise, what you can do is take this as validation that her previous message was all projection and that you are not the disordered one here. If you had a major issue and needed someone to talk to, would your choice of "friend" be an alcoholic who had no control of their own life and was possibly a threat to their children? Exactly, its all the validation you need that none of those things are true 

[Trog]

ExGF called and left voicemail, I don't answer the phone at the house either!  She said something happened between her mother and her New Year's Eve and it is very upsetting and she needs somebody to talk to as a friend, I am not going to respond at all, I do not even have the urge, part of me does want to say that I cannot be friends with someone who cheated on me and called child services on me so you called the wrong person!  I could not be of any help to somebody that was that hateful and hurtful to me, please ask somebody on POF,  I know doing all of that is not worth it but I need to respond and I am responding here, to the people that have helped me so much! Just getting it out!

Ahhhh... .just like everyone thought... .she is upping her game and playing victim to manipulate you to rescue her.  It is just her latest  self-centered attempt to triangulate you. You ARE "Targeted", afterall. LOL! How disrespectful is it to YOU and to HIM that she is contacting you for emotional support?

Now ... .let's see... .we are all rooting for you to maintain NC. If you do, I bet her next attempt will be angry and abusive.  

Hang tight and take care of you. She does not care about you or love you... .she just wants to set her hook and control you by any means. I went thru the same thing... .repeatedly.  I know how twisted and painful this is and I hope that you can take the actions that take care of you, keep you strong and allow you to heal from this negative drama.

No contact is the best thing for you and your best weapon.

Can I get in in this action?

And belittling of the relationship you had. Something about how she 'thought you were a kind, caring person but obvs... .I was wrong' - whatever you pride yourself on Targeted, whether it's being fair, kind, whatever, they tend to be skilled at digging right into your self esteem and pulling out whatever treasure you hold dearest, putting it up to the light and tearing you down.

Stay strong, this only ever goes one way, it's a baited hook, that's all it is and at the end of the lure lies... .More pain for you.

[Targeted]

Thank you all, 

Ripped H, she does not seem to be the suicide type and she never cut or anything like that,  so in the beginning of NC it was 2 simple emails, then that did not work so I got a condescending letter, that did not work so now a call for need,  I dont know what she will try next but NC is preparing it for me, I will eventually have to communicate I'm sure because she will just show up one day,  the only thing I could think to say would be that I loved her and she needs help, no leave or I'm calling the police!

Trog,  she knows I am a very family orientated man who loves and respects family and that I am very forgiving and giving of myself, she knows I'm kind and more than fair,  the good thing no matter what happens is that she could never tear me apart emotionally like that again because of my awareness to the disorder now, I am enjoying my 48th NC morning coffee at the moment and she will only get a response from me willingly if I feel a GOLDEN OPPERTUNITY to have her seek help for herself, MY life MY rules,   she gets no response to this! I will let you all know what happens next because you are all so helpful, I appreciate it.