15 Days NC

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hey guys! Just want to let everyone know about my progress... .Today is officially 15 days that I have been NC with my ex and I have to say that I am very proud of myself... .It has been a hell of ride and I can't wait until this mark becomes 30 days then 60 then 90 Each day I detach from her bit by bit! It is a great healing process... .yes I do still think about her everyday but I have NO urge to contact her because I remind myself of the damage that she has caused me. Where are you guys at with NC and have they tried interacting with you?

[Jmanster]

Hey guys! Just want to let everyone know about my progress... .Today is officially 15 days that I have been NC with my ex and I have to say that I am very proud of myself... .It has been a hell of ride and I can't wait until this mark becomes 30 days then 60 then 90 Each day I detach from her bit by bit! It is a great healing process... .yes I do still think about her everyday but I have NO urge to contact her because I remind myself of the damage that she has caused me. Where are you guys at with NC and have they tried interacting with you?

[Targeted]

Congrats!  I'm 48 days and things are not perfect and I still miss and love her but so much more peace!   So much more!

[GrimFellow]

Hey guys! Just want to let everyone know about my progress... .Today is officially 15 days that I have been NC with my ex and I have to say that I am very proud of myself... .It has been a hell of ride and I can't wait until this mark becomes 30 days then 60 then 90 Each day I detach from her bit by bit! It is a great healing process... .yes I do still think about her everyday but I have NO urge to contact her because I remind myself of the damage that she has caused me. Where are you guys at with NC and have they tried interacting with you?

Great job fellow  

Keep it going and remember anytime you will have a desire to break NC that it will pass with the time. Healing from this is wonderful thing. It will still take some amount of work to fully detach and depart utterly from all feelings to her, but it's the best thing you can possibly do for yourself  

My NC with diagnosedBPDex is now about 7 months (I don't know exact number of days, cause I don't count them).

She tried to interact with me by email and recent "private number" calls but I never called back. She is probably now afraid of contacting me openly because in my last email to her (response to last of hers I mentioned above), I  suggested that I will send our conversation about her mother to her mother, if she won't stop immediately (That was a bluff, i removed this conversation and I don't really have her mothers email). In this conversation she said that she hates her mother, she said also that her mother is causing her splits, and does other nasty things to her. In fact there is some kind of "emotional incest" between her and her mother. So now she tried only to provoke me to call her, because I don't have any other person in my life who knows my number to call me using "private number" feature.

Good luck on your journey friend  

[jhkbuzz]

Over 90 days no contact and my life is peaceful and sane... .  My focus is increasingly shifting away from her and to myself... .how I need to grow and what I need to uncover/realize about myself before getting into another r/s.

Congratulations to you!  

[Trog]

Congrats, strict non contact, 24 days! I didn't realise that till I checked the calender, LC before that.

Is that all? Feels like months and months. I've got so much done!

In the last couple of days, I've started to move from 100% hating the woman whenever I thought of her to beginning to feel a bit sad and sorry for her, but not in the danger-zone way where you are projecting a feeling onto them and the white knight emerges just... .what a tragic figure and waste of potential. I am so thankful my mother was a loving nurturing woman, my ex truly didn't have that and its a long way responsible for the monster she can become. It's sad.

Still hate her though. 

[Recooperating]

109 days NC here!  No urge to contact him at all! Didnt check his FB, staying away from all sorts of drama. Im still hurt, sad and I dont miss him, its just that I have a lot of free time on my hands without him taking all of my time . So slowly Im getting my groove back and finding ways I like to spend that time.

Today I found out he's been listening to my music productions and mixes on soundcloud, which terrified me. I was shaking all over, i felt like prey for a dangerous preditor and wantend to RUN! I had the shakes for about 2 hours. I started cleaning the house like a maniac, just to redirect my mind. Then I thought, his actions are his bussines, i cant let his actions prevent me from doing what I love most, making music and sharing it with the crowd. So after 109 days the PTSD is still very much there, but for the rest... .Im doing much much better!

Congrats on 15 days! I think the first 45 days were the hardest. Hang in there Jmanster!

[JRT]

I am at 114 days... .hang in there!

[Maternus]

Is there a rule when the NC starts? I'm theoretically in NC since the beginning of October, but I had to break NC in the midst of October to move out finally.

[JRT]

no contact of any kind at all.

[HappyNihilist]

Is there a rule when the NC starts? I'm theoretically in NC since the beginning of October, but I had to break NC in the midst of October to move out finally.

no contact of any kind at all.

I disagree, JRT... .to me, No Contact is a state of mind more than the literal execution. If someone has to interact with an ex for non-relationship reasons (finances, moving, divorce, children, etc.) but doesn't reach out to or respond to them beyond that, then I would definitely still consider that to be NC.

[JRT]

Is there a rule when the NC starts? I'm theoretically in NC since the beginning of October, but I had to break NC in the midst of October to move out finally.

no contact of any kind at all.

I disagree, JRT... .to me, No Contact is a state of mind more than the literal execution. If someone has to interact with an ex for non-relationship reasons (finances, moving, divorce, children, etc.) but doesn't reach out to or respond to them beyond that, then I would definitely still consider that to be NC.

okay

[GrimFellow]

Is there a rule when the NC starts? I'm theoretically in NC since the beginning of October, but I had to break NC in the midst of October to move out finally.

no contact of any kind at all.

I disagree, JRT... .to me, No Contact is a state of mind more than the literal execution. If someone has to interact with an ex for non-relationship reasons (finances, moving, divorce, children, etc.) but doesn't reach out to or respond to them beyond that, then I would definitely still consider that to be NC.

okay

I also agree that contact with BPDex concerning finances, divorce and children must be sustained as long as it's needed only (sake of children, finishing matters related to divorce, etc.). We should efficiently evade every form of contact beyond those matters and not let our exes to invoke any emotions in us as it potentially may lead us to the abyss of FOG.

[Perdita]

18 days for me.  Have so much more time for myself now.

[Maternus]

Is there a rule when the NC starts? I'm theoretically in NC since the beginning of October, but I had to break NC in the midst of October to move out finally.

no contact of any kind at all.

I disagree, JRT... .to me, No Contact is a state of mind more than the literal execution. If someone has to interact with an ex for non-relationship reasons (finances, moving, divorce, children, etc.) but doesn't reach out to or respond to them beyond that, then I would definitely still consider that to be NC.

Than I'm on my 96. day of NC. 100 on friday. I have an dentist's appointment on that day. Looks like a good way to celebrate it. 

[Perdita]

100 on friday. I have an dentist's appointment on that day. Looks like a good way to celebrate it. 

Bet that dentist appointment was a lot more pleasant and less stressful than the relationship with your ex. 

[NYMike]

I have a dentist appointment too... .I must say my dentist is so very HOT.I can't wait to see her... .... .

[Perdita]

I have a dentist appointment too... .I must say my dentist is so very HOT.I can't wait to see her... .... .

And to think, she's going to go oral on you and not give your grief afterwards. 

[Lookingforserenity]

I am new to nc as a tool when dealing with BPD. How do you decide to do it? My dil is BPD and has convinced my son to exclude me from their life. They have 4 yr old twin daughters.  Essentially they started the nc and now I am denied my granddaughters.

[NYMike]

I have a dentist appointment too... .I must say my dentist is so very HOT.I can't wait to see her... .... .

And to think, she's going to go oral on you and not give your grief afterwards. 

[Maternus]

I am new to nc as a tool when dealing with BPD. How do you decide to do it? My dil is BPD and has convinced my son to exclude me from their life. They have 4 yr old twin daughters.  Essentially they started the nc and now I am denied my granddaughters.

I think it's not so much about excluding you but isolating him. Does your son know that she has BPD? 

[Infared]

I am new to nc as a tool when dealing with BPD. How do you decide to do it? My dil is BPD and has convinced my son to exclude me from their life. They have 4 yr old twin daughters.  Essentially they started the nc and now I am denied my granddaughters.

No contact is a difficult "dance" when there are children involved. To be a responsible parent and technically go NC is usually mutually exclusive, especially when the children are under 18 yrs.

... .but getting guidance (perhaps from professionals: therapists, lawyers, counselors), on how to approach your particular situation might be helpful.

Setting firm boundaries, and enforcing them is key... .I do know that.

Your response is a little choppy... .I am assessing that you children are grown... .

... .but like Maternus says... .NC is a tool we use to protect ourselves from more harm.

[GrimFellow]

I am new to nc as a tool when dealing with BPD. How do you decide to do it? My dil is BPD and has convinced my son to exclude me from their life. They have 4 yr old twin daughters.  Essentially they started the nc and now I am denied my granddaughters.

No contact is a difficult "dance" when there are children involved. To be a responsible parent and technically go NC is usually mutually exclusive, especially when the children are under 18 yrs.

... .but getting guidance (perhaps from professionals: therapists, lawyers, counselors), on how to approach your particular situation might be helpful.

Setting firm boundaries, and enforcing them is key... .I do know that.

Your response is a little choppy... .I am assessing that you children are grown... .

... .but like Maternus says... .NC is a tool we use to protect ourselves from more harm.

Wisely said. NC is ultimate boundary, but the key is to cut off wire of influence that connects our emotional state with BPDs actions.

[Lookingforserenity]

Thanks for the advice. Just joined this site and am learning about BPD. In the last month, my son has stopped talking to me based on influence from my BPD dil. They have 4yr old twins that I want to be able to talk to. My initial question was " is it okay for me to try and keep contact with them so I can maintain  a relationship with my gds"?  Or is it best for me to give my son space and not contact him? This is not a situation where I am trying to end the relationship. My son is still with BPD dil but I still want to keep a relationship with him. But she does not want him to have a relationship with me or anyone else in his family. His sister, dad, etc. She gets furious if he talks to any of us and has him convinced that we are terrible even though we have supported him through so many issues with her. I think I misunderstood the nc was about breaking off a relationship.

[Infared]

Thanks for the advice. Just joined this site and am learning about BPD. In the last month, my son has stopped talking to me based on influence from my BPD dil. They have 4yr old twins that I want to be able to talk to. My initial question was " is it okay for me to try and keep contact with them so I can maintain  a relationship with my gds"?  Or is it best for me to give my son space and not contact him? This is not a situation where I am trying to end the relationship. My son is still with BPD dil but I still want to keep a relationship with him. But she does not want him to have a relationship with me or anyone else in his family. His sister, dad, etc. She gets furious if he talks to any of us and has him convinced that we are terrible even though we have supported him through so many issues with her. I think I misunderstood the nc was about breaking off a relationship.

This is VERY common behavior from BPD. They want complete control of their partner... and they commonly work at isolating their partner from friends, family, hobbies. They want to be the center of attention.  They will tell lies, manipulate, set people against one another and do anything that their sick little minds can conjure up. They are extremely cunning and smart. They commonly have other partners while creating all of this havoc.

I am no expert... .but in your position I would try to stand back and let your son know that you are caring, understanding and supportive.  He is being influenced and controlled by an expert at a level that you may not even be able to comprehend.  I had NO IDEA who I was living with. We had no children... .but as the relationship unwound I was being shown the truth which I denied and denied... .I was so so so under the evil spell of this person that I loved, believe in and trusted with all my heart... .but  I was deceived at a level that it took me years to understand and accept. I do not think anyone could have convinced me that I was in a dysfunctional relationship. I was totally in love and consumed by this person who was deceiving me and in the end took joy in emotionally destroying me. She plays innocent victim with everyone while she is weaving her tangled webs... .and people doubted and questioned me in disbelief when I "tried" to tell them what was actually going on... .They all believed her pretty innocent face... .not me.

I think that eventually your son's relationship will collapse... .but there is no way to know when.

I wish you luck!... .be patient and hold on to your love for you son and your grandchildren.

Things can change.

[JRT]

Thanks for the advice. Just joined this site and am learning about BPD. In the last month, my son has stopped talking to me based on influence from my BPD dil. They have 4yr old twins that I want to be able to talk to. My initial question was " is it okay for me to try and keep contact with them so I can maintain  a relationship with my gds"?  Or is it best for me to give my son space and not contact him? This is not a situation where I am trying to end the relationship. My son is still with BPD dil but I still want to keep a relationship with him. But she does not want him to have a relationship with me or anyone else in his family. His sister, dad, etc. She gets furious if he talks to any of us and has him convinced that we are terrible even though we have supported him through so many issues with her. I think I misunderstood the nc was about breaking off a relationship.

This is VERY common behavior from BPD. They want complete control of their partner... and they commonly work at isolating their partner from friends, family, hobbies. They want to be the center of attention.  They will tell lies, manipulate, set people against one another and do anything that their sick little minds can conjure up. They are extremely cunning and smart. They commonly have other partners while creating all of this havoc.

I don't mean to hijack this thread, just looking for answers like everyone else. But mine was the opposite in this respect... .she was empty and wanted to come INTO a world, my world. She wanted to take interest in the things that I did (though none took root). learn my family's culture and language, go out with my friends, etc. I can see the logic to what you say but I am wondering if this negates the likelihood that mine is a BPD... .

[Infared]

Thanks for the advice. Just joined this site and am learning about BPD. In the last month, my son has stopped talking to me based on influence from my BPD dil. They have 4yr old twins that I want to be able to talk to. My initial question was " is it okay for me to try and keep contact with them so I can maintain  a relationship with my gds"?  Or is it best for me to give my son space and not contact him? This is not a situation where I am trying to end the relationship. My son is still with BPD dil but I still want to keep a relationship with him. But she does not want him to have a relationship with me or anyone else in his family. His sister, dad, etc. She gets furious if he talks to any of us and has him convinced that we are terrible even though we have supported him through so many issues with her. I think I misunderstood the nc was about breaking off a relationship.

This is VERY common behavior from BPD. They want complete control of their partner... and they commonly work at isolating their partner from friends, family, hobbies. They want to be the center of attention.  They will tell lies, manipulate, set people against one another and do anything that their sick little minds can conjure up. They are extremely cunning and smart. They commonly have other partners while creating all of this havoc.

I don't mean to hijack this thread, just looking for answers like everyone else. But mine was the opposite in this respect... .she was empty and wanted to come INTO a world, my world. She wanted to take interest in the things that I did (though none took root). learn my family's culture and language, go out with my friends, etc. I can see the logic to what you say but I am wondering if this negates the likelihood that mine is a BPD... .

There are large variations of behavior regarding BPD.

Actually, a lot on the bloggers have the experience that I described if their partner is more of the outward acting type... It sounds like your experience is more similar to mine "in the beginning"... .but as time went on that changed (a repeated pattern for her)... .I think that she acted inward, built a resentment toward me and that their was multiple infidelities, while she still kept up the front at home. I had no clue.

When she finally found consistent new supply with someone, she "flipped" into more of an outward type towards me as she had the safety of the new supply. I had no clue of this other person so to me it appeared as a complete change in behavior in a short period of time and was lying, abusive and unstable... .very unstable.

Try watching this vid of an actual diagnosed person and she describes some of these various behavior patterns... .but there is no exact rule... .everyone is an individual and there are nuances in each person.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OE4YuU9pwZU

[JRT]

Wild! Even when mine did get upset about something, she got even MORE quiet! I mean, you could tell that she was upset, but she almost acted like a kid that just got busted for something was afraid of even defending themselves!

Thanks for the link!

[Infared]

Wild! Even when mine did get upset about something, she got even MORE quiet! I mean, you could tell that she was upset, but she almost acted like a kid that just got busted for something was afraid of even defending themselves!

Thanks for the link!

Yeah... .it was like... .I did not know what was going on in there... .but being codependent I knew that she was in some kind of pain and suffering was going on... .I could definitely sense that and it would make me want to rescue my little victim even more... it felt good to me at the time... .but it was not a healthy relationship.

[jhkbuzz]

There are large variations of behavior regarding BPD.

Actually, a lot on the bloggers have the experience that I described if their partner is more of the outward acting type... It sounds like your experience is more similar to mine "in the beginning"... .but as time went on that changed (a repeated pattern for her)... .I think that she acted inward, built a resentment toward me and that their was multiple infidelities, while she still kept up the front at home. I had no clue.

When she finally found consistent new supply with someone, she "flipped" into more of an outward type towards me as she had the safety of the new supply. I had no clue of this other person so to me it appeared as a complete change in behavior in a short period of time and was lying, abusive and unstable... .very unstable.

Try watching this vid of an actual diagnosed person and she describes some of these various behavior patterns... .but there is no exact rule... .everyone is an individual and there are nuances in each person.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OE4YuU9pwZU

My experience EXACTLY... .