she contacted me

[WhoMe51]

She called wanting me to go on a trip with her today.  What does she want from me?  Does she miss her blaming partner? I don't know what to do anymore? What would you do?

[Deeno02]

She called wanting me to go on a trip with her today.  What does she want from me?  Does she miss her blaming partner? I don't know what to do anymore? What would you do?

Dont go... .Cut ties. Move on... .

[JRT]

How long were you b/e? Were you nc and this was out of the blue?

[Targeted]

If you are not going to try to get back together say no!

If it's just as friends say no!

If the trip is to a good therapist say maybe and think about it for a while!

[fromheeltoheal]

What does she want from me?  

Attachment.

I don't know what to do anymore? What would you do?

I'd get clear on what I want and need, get very honest about whether I could get it from her on a sustainable basis, and act accordingly.  While incision means to cut into, decision means to cut off; a real decision means to cut off any other possibility and comes from a place of strength and confidence.

[WhoMe51]

I haven't been no contact for very long.  She used an app on her phone to make a new number that isn't blocked.  I usually don't answer those out of state numbers but last night I did.  I heard her voice and she said "please don't hang up, I need to talk to you."  Then she preceded to ask me to go with her on this trip.  Kind of like old times she said.  The sound of her voice sent me spiraling into the what ifs again?  I just feel confused again.  I guess I am thinking again with my heart instead of my head.  My heart is stuck in fantasy land.  I keep saying I don't know what to do, but I do know what to do.  It's just hard. 

[WhoMe51]

You know things between us weren't always bad.  We had some really good times.  I really don't know how many recycles we have been through.  Our relationship would be good for a while and then, something would happen.  I would either do something to trigger her fears or she would remember something and then the pain would start.  I got so caught up in trying to soothe her, but I never could.  She would just keep blaming me for how we were over and over.  When she got to this point, I knew there was nothing I could do or say that would make a difference.  I would either hang up or leave if we were together.  And then I would always reach my limit, and tell her that I was done or I quit.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  And then she would tell me "you always quit."  And then she would go on to tell me that she never quit.  What did she expect me to do?  I was so anxious waiting for things to go bad that it was hard to enjoy her.  And then after a while, she would come back around and say can we try this again.  By that time I would soften and think maybe it will work this time.  This isn't love is it?  It's just two people who are addicted to each other and the drama that is created.  I don't trust her and she can't trust me.  I feel really sad and hopeless today. 

[CloseToFreedom]

You know things between us weren't always bad.  We had some really good times.  I really don't know how many recycles we have been through.  Our relationship would be good for a while and then, something would happen.  I would either do something to trigger her fears or she would remember something and then the pain would start.  I got so caught up in trying to soothe her, but I never could.  She would just keep blaming me for how we were over and over.  When she got to this point, I knew there was nothing I could do or say that would make a difference.  I would either hang up or leave if we were together.  And then I would always reach my limit, and tell her that I was done or I quit.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  And then she would tell me "you always quit."  And then she would go on to tell me that she never quit.  What did she expect me to do?  I was so anxious waiting for things to go bad that it was hard to enjoy her.  And then after a while, she would come back around and say can we try this again.  By that time I would soften and think maybe it will work this time.  This isn't love is it?  It's just two people who are addicted to each other and the drama that is created.  I don't trust her and she can't trust me.  I feel really sad and hopeless today. 

Sounds pretty much like my situation. I mostly did the break ups because I was stressed out of my mind by the relationship. Then came some weeks of feeling terrible, then just as I was getting better, she would start to contact me again and I got sucked back in.

Don't fall for it. It will be the same old, same old.

[downwhim]

She is sucking you in for more pain. Be honest with her and say it hasn't worked before and you no longer want the rollercoaster ride. You love her but without therapy there is no reason for contact. Too much pain.

[fromheeltoheal]

You know things between us weren't always bad.  We had some really good times.

I just couldn't take it anymore.

That's the contradiction, addicting and chaotic at the same time.  That roller coaster will never hit a smooth spot, there will always be peaks, valleys and loops and the only decision to make is how long you want to ride.

What did she expect me to do?

Absolutely everything all the time, it will never work, and your needs don't matter.

This isn't love is it?  It's just two people who are addicted to each other and the drama that is created. 

No, it's not love, but good for you for seeing what it is, and digging into your addiction is where the growth is, the gift of the relationship.

I don't trust her and she can't trust me. 

Maybe a great relationship starts with a great friendship.  What if the basis of a great friendship was something in common and mutual trust and respect.  Does she qualify as your friend?

[billypilgrim]

What does she want from me? 

Supply. 

Does she miss her blaming partner?

I'd be careful here.  Yes, she misses you.  But only because she needs you.  I think this is an important distinction.  She doesn't miss you because she misses you for you, she misses you because you were able to meet her needs at one time.  And for whatever reason, she needs you to be the one that can meet them again. 

I don't know what to do anymore? What would you do?

I would completely ignore her.  If y'all weren't NC prior to reaching out, I would politely decline.