funny/weird/sad short mirroring story

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My uBPDexgf told me once that "I've found that people will like you more if you act like them and kind of copy them a bit".

I found that odd.  We all are influenced by our peers, but for me at least it is mostly subconscious.  I've never made a conscious decision (at least in adulthood) to mimic others in order for them to like me.

Then she continued with "I was at a job once and a co-worker had a bad lisp.  I started talking around her with a lisp as well to make her like me.  She got hurt thinking I was mocking her when I wasn't".  Mind you, my ex did this when she was around 30.

I was floored.  Would someone drag their leg to fit in with someone with an amputation injury?

Should've walked earlier, too many bizarre things like this that made me not understand her.  But at first that was almost part of the charm.

So my ex seemed at least partially aware of her mirroring behaviors.  I should've realized she was also doing it to me at that time.

[raisins3142]

My uBPDexgf told me once that "I've found that people will like you more if you act like them and kind of copy them a bit".

I found that odd.  We all are influenced by our peers, but for me at least it is mostly subconscious.  I've never made a conscious decision (at least in adulthood) to mimic others in order for them to like me.

Then she continued with "I was at a job once and a co-worker had a bad lisp.  I started talking around her with a lisp as well to make her like me.  She got hurt thinking I was mocking her when I wasn't".  Mind you, my ex did this when she was around 30.

I was floored.  Would someone drag their leg to fit in with someone with an amputation injury?

Should've walked earlier, too many bizarre things like this that made me not understand her.  But at first that was almost part of the charm.

So my ex seemed at least partially aware of her mirroring behaviors.  I should've realized she was also doing it to me at that time.

[Tim300]

It's amazing how socially unaware they are sometimes.

Do you think your ex had read up on BPD (and had read about this tactic in that context)? 

[fromheeltoheal]

Someone with a sense of self, an identity, can choose to be themselves or to mirror other people, although like you say, we all mirror each other at least subconsciously, part of building a connection and bonding.  Someone without a sense of self has no choice but to mirror, to be someone else, to subsume the good they see in someone and take it as their own, and throw in the need to attach and mirroring becomes mandatory.

[raisins3142]

It's amazing how socially unaware they are sometimes.

Do you think your ex had read up on BPD (and had read about this tactic in that context)?  

Yes, horrible to say but I called her socially retarded a few times after the break up.

I'm not sure if she had read about BPD.

She claimed to have PTSD and never mentioned BPD.

We had one break up and I told her that I thought she had borderline traits, as I did after this final break up.

After our reconciliation after 1st BU, she never mentioned it.

I told her that her dishonesty and behavior is not normal and she needs to talk to someone.

I hope she is doing that and perhaps reading up about BPD.  Sadly, I don't think she could face something like that.  PTSD is easier to "own", I think.

[raisins3142]

Someone with a sense of self, an identity, can choose to be themselves or to mirror other people, although like you say, we all mirror each other at least subconsciously, part of building a connection and bonding.  Someone without a sense of self has no choice but to mirror, to be someone else, to subsume the good they see in someone and take it as their own, and throw in the need to attach and mirroring becomes mandatory.

I think she did it subconsciously big time and was also vaguely aware of what she did and had a rationalization for it ("it's what you do to make people like you".

Being a quiet/waif type and in her 30s and with like a smidge of self awareness and perhaps a dash of stable self, she seemed like BPD-light sometimes, compared to other stories I've heard.