What will your BPD ex's life be like in the next few years?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

What will your BPD ex's life be like in the next few years?

They are supposedly happy now and living it up. But is that their destiny? Fun and games forever?

I pose this question with the intended purpose to get members to realize that even if they are down and depressed, jealous of their ex's new life without them or have extreme anger toward the ex it is possible to have a better future than the BPD ex's will end up with. For us, life is hard now, but are we doomed? I don't think so. I am not going to be doomed. I thought about the question whether I want her to be doomed or not. I don't. I don't wish her a bleak or horrible future. I just don't care to have her much in my thoughts at all.

Top 25, listed in order of greatest possibility of occurring:

#1 - She will get pregnant with Joe Shmo's child, he will bolt and she will then be left to raise the child together with her warped mother. She will treat the baby like a doll and one day when somebody insults her or the child she will be arrested for going into a blind rage an attacking them or worse.

#2 -  She will intentionally get pregnant with not a care of even having a father for the child. She will determine in her mind that her warped mother could play the role as father.

#3 - She will try and try to get impregnated by someone and after deemed too old to bear children will be depressed and suicide.

#4 thru #24 - Similar dysfunctional probabilities. All horrible, even though I would imagine plenty of "fun and games" would still be mixed in with all the scenarios.

#25 - She will have a happy healthy life, get married, honor wedding vows, have a child and make a difference in peoples lives.

I would be very interested to see if even one person here predicts that their ex will have a great happy and healthy life.

[AwakenedOne]

What will your BPD ex's life be like in the next few years?

They are supposedly happy now and living it up. But is that their destiny? Fun and games forever?

I pose this question with the intended purpose to get members to realize that even if they are down and depressed, jealous of their ex's new life without them or have extreme anger toward the ex it is possible to have a better future than the BPD ex's will end up with. For us, life is hard now, but are we doomed? I don't think so. I am not going to be doomed. I thought about the question whether I want her to be doomed or not. I don't. I don't wish her a bleak or horrible future. I just don't care to have her much in my thoughts at all.

Top 25, listed in order of greatest possibility of occurring:

#1 - She will get pregnant with Joe Shmo's child, he will bolt and she will then be left to raise the child together with her warped mother. She will treat the baby like a doll and one day when somebody insults her or the child she will be arrested for going into a blind rage an attacking them or worse.

#2 -  She will intentionally get pregnant with not a care of even having a father for the child. She will determine in her mind that her warped mother could play the role as father.

#3 - She will try and try to get impregnated by someone and after deemed too old to bear children will be depressed and suicide.

#4 thru #24 - Similar dysfunctional probabilities. All horrible, even though I would imagine plenty of "fun and games" would still be mixed in with all the scenarios.

#25 - She will have a happy healthy life, get married, honor wedding vows, have a child and make a difference in peoples lives.

I would be very interested to see if even one person here predicts that their ex will have a great happy and healthy life.

[Targeted]

Number 21.8675309

[raisins3142]

We can't know, but they might have short term excitement.  I don't think it plays out past the short term.

I'm guessing my ex is looking for a new guy now.

Unless he is doormat with no self respect, then if he wants a real, exclusionary relationship with her, then he will go through the same motions... .I would think.

[Infern0]

It's an interesting question.

Mine is only 19 so I guess she's at the turning point.

When we were together I took care of everything,  she is not of the highest intellect, and her comorbid depression, eating disorder and anxiety problems don't help.

Holding down a job is basically impossible for her,  I abused my power considerably at work to keep her in a job,  calling in favors so that her indiscretions would be overlooked.  She didn't last long without me and hasn't been able to find a new job. 

Her parents still give her an allowance but they are getting sick of her irresponsibility so I don't know if that will last forever.

She has said in the past that she might have to become a prostitute. I don't consider that an impossibility.

It's hard to see a good outcome really,  anyone who tries to steer her in a healthy direction ends up getting turned on.

I would like to see her get well,  despite everything i went through she's not all bad,  she was great fun and could be very kind and caring,  she wasn't nearly as bad as many I read about on here,  just terribly self destructive. But in all honesty I don't see it going too well for her. She's been trying to rope me back in lately but I'm not seeing any commitment to change so I'm keeping her at arms length

[enlighten me]

My ex wife has remarried and had a kid. Her husband earns a lot of money and you would think life is good. Wrong. She is getting together a nest egg for when the inevitable break up happens. She is miserable. Our children are having dramas due to their overbearing step dad and their mum not sticking up for them. We split up in 2010.

My exgf has a new boyfriend who is moving to be with her. She has been cheating on him so no matter how happy a picture she paints she seems destined to repeat her self destructive cycle.

The long term prognesses for them. The children will grow up and leave home. Their mums will pass away (who are their anchor) and they will eventually attach to someone who is willing to put up with them but they dont really want to be with. They will be jealous of their exs who moved on and have had happy lives.  They will spend the rest of their days regretting their actions.

[Perdita]

His future will probably be much like his past and his present.  Still hoping that his ex of 5 years (as in 5yrs over) will leave her husband and kid for him so he can put her through more mental and emotional abuse.  Still worshipping at the feet of his cheap drug addicted alcoholic fantasy girl.  Probably graduated to more powerful drugs himself (was talking about cocaine at the time I left).  He doesn't only score for himself but also for his so-called "friends", totally in denial of the fact that they are just using him to eliminate some of the risk to themselves of getting busted at the dealer's house.  So yeah, I can see him getting busted and ending up behind bars which will be followed by suicide attempts which may or may not eventually succeed.  At some point I will probably be contacted to help pick up the pieces knowing full well that he will kick me away like trash once I've served my purpose.  Should have treasured my love and devotion when he had it.  Now it's gone.

[Hawk Ridge]

Mine left 10 months ago.  We chose to remain on friendly terms as I am close to her family.  I am one in a long line of failed relationships.   She is 51, depressed, stressed, and in a relationship rife with stressors.  She recently told me she is 'not right in the head.' Has texted me on several occasions to say she loves me.  I have kept my pain, my recovery, and my current life circumstances private out of self protection.  My life is becoming richer again.  That said, it saddens me as i do care about my friend and all i can think about lately is her brooding eyes, knowing I don't miss the moods, the unpredictability, the disrespect, the selfishness while believing my replacement must be having quite a ride.  I can't think about it much as it triggers my feelings of self pity as to why she left me and is still with my replacement.   When I step back, I know I am in a healthier place and that, sadly, her life will never contain the peace, joy, contentment thar I wish for her.  She has aged considerably, looks like a skeleton as she is anorexic and smokes with few friends. I am athletic, health nut, and quite social.  I hate to say it but her future doesn't look great until she decides to change things up and, out of concern for my friend, I hope she does.  We may not be a couple anymore and, as time goes on, i become more and more convinced that is a good thing, but I can hope someday she will choose to live and to recover, to slow the aging process and the loss of relationships.  I really want  that for her.  

[Climbmountains91]

I can see it going more downhill to be honest. It just seems his getting worse and worse, he's had a cpn and consultant for three years but all they do is validate him and give him what he wants because of his threats of suicide. His obsessed with death. Its just so painful to hear. Hell just carry on drinking ruining his liver, carrying on using people as supply, still playing on his stupid computer games 24/7 to escape his feelings and the world and researching things 24/7 to make himself seem interesting etc... And using girls. Also hell never have a real life with the world getting a job and stuff, his to comfortable with the benefits his wrongly receives.  I hate myself saying this but i don't see him being here before he turns 30, he's so obsessed with Kurt Cobain, he died when he was 27, I'm scared that because his so obsessed with him, hell go the same way, luckily he don't do drugs (as i know of) so i know most of it is my paranoia. You just never know though if you new him. Lately because his desregulating I'm scared if his still alive everyday. Such a shame for our daughter to have a father like this.

He has nothing to be depressed about, his life is so easy when people out there work there butts off, he gets away with so much and i wish he's cpn and that would stop validating him and give him a kick up the bum. But i know its the disorder bla bla bla... Sorry i sound harsh. Guess I'm just ranting.

[Tim300]

They will be jealous of their exs who moved on and have had happy lives. 

I agree.

[Tim300]

her life will never contain the peace, joy, contentment that I wish for her.  

Bingo.  This is so true.  I feel like even during the "good times" in the last year or so, she was on edge and not happy.  It's like she wouldn't even let herself be happy for more than a fleeting moment at best, because she didn't believe things could be good.  She will never find consistent peace and joy.   

[JRT]

Mine has accepted that SOMETHING is wrong and is, apparently, seeing a therapist. I suspect, true to her victimhood, that the first several sessions with the T will be her trying to undo the 'damage' that I had done. God willing, she has a good therapist that will guide her to a proper diagnosis and work toward health given that she is willing and that she is honest with them. I don't see happiness for her anytime in the foreseeable future even if therapy goes well.

[willtimeheal]

I don't know who said this but I do believe this when it comes to my exBPDgf... ."the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior."  I don't see her life changing all that much.

[AwakenedOne]

Thank you to those who took time out to comment on this thread. Thx, AO

[clydegriffith]

Well let's see. It's bee 2 1/2 years post b/u. Shes had boyfriend, boyfriend, fiance, and then a different fiance who she just had her child #5 with (well she's passing off the child as his anyway, knowing her that kid could be anybody's).

There are 3 possibilities for her future and none of them involve her getting better and living happily ever after

1) She pushes the latest guy to the point that he has no choice but to not be with her. If this happens she will immediatley have a replacement lined up because it's always "next man up" when it comes to her. This event can also occur if it turns out to be that the latest kid she had isn't who's she's saying it is. 

2) The latest guy continues to endure her abuse (there is no doubt in my mind he's being abused) and they continue pretending to be okay in public but live in a house of horrors behind close doors.

3) She commits suicide

[Tim300]

What will your BPD ex's life be like in the next few years?

#25 - She will have a happy healthy life, get married, honor wedding vows, have a child and make a difference in peoples lives.

0% chance of this.  If she gets married I will be surprised.  If she gets married and it lasts more than a year I'll be shocked.  In any event, the marriage wouldn't be happy/healthy.

My guess is that she'll just end up living with her BPD mom and they will have crazy drama with each other on a weekly basis.  My ex will always have guys in her life, but the quality of these guys will just keep dropping and dropping.  At some point I think she will stop having any regular bf when she realizes how much her value in the marriage market has declined.

[Targeted]

POF!

[ReluctantSurvivor]

My dBPDex already did the pregnancy thing and abandoned custody before he turned 4 years old.  I predict that she will continue to farm sources until her ever declining health and looks make that impossible.  Then she will slowly acquire more and more cats and live in filth.

I really wish that she has a miracle and puts in the self work to grow and address the issues of her disorder but at the end of the day she is a lazy b___ with no impulse control.  She will continue to smoke 2 packs a day, "heal her hurts" with tattoos, sleep with losers on the first date, drown her problems in MDMA and alchohol, and do everything in her power to run from her problems rather than facing them.  

[Panda39]

My SO left his marriage to his uBPDxw 4 years ago and she has... .

1. Lost Husband

2. Eviction #1

3. Hotel Stay #1

4. Eviction #2

5. Couch Surf #1

6. Eviction #3

7. Couch Surf #2

8. Lost Couch Surf Friendship #1

9. Hotel Stay #2

10. New Hotel Stay #3

11. Lost Friendship #2

12. Alienated both Daughters

13. Felony Fraud and bad check writing charges

14. Civil Case against her

We have no idea what her employment story is she has failed to provide her financial information... .my guess is she is conning people.

Next? This is the complete spiraling down of the uBPDxw to her natural conclusion which I believe will be jail time.

[charred]

They will continue to go on being themselves. My exBPDgf... first met 30 yrs ago... was BPD then, but I didn't know it... and was a mix of sweet normal girl and disordered. About 6 yrs ago we got back together ... and I saw her dad again and I asked her how she really was... and his answer was "She is the same as she always was... only more so."  After so long, she was more devious, a better liar, and with middle age, considerably more caustic. Had been engaged 7 times, married 3, divorced 2 (one was ended by annulment.) Had 2 std's, and so many other BF's, she did't remember.

But I was special... right, she told me so.

I remembered all kinds of tiny details of our time together... she forgot whole trips we had taken.

My exBPDgf had been a hell on wheels, cutting a wide swatch through the dance floor and bedding who knows how many guys. She had a kid, and at some point slowed down and became a bit more of a hermit than a queen ... .then we got back together, she lost weight, improved her looks and was back on the prowl. She hadn't really changed, just had been depressed and saw less opportunities. Last I knew she was on lots of dating sites and back doing her BPD cycles of finding the perfect soul mate guy, getting disappointed with them, clinging, fighting and painting them black.

So, what will her life be like... same as it has been, a mess. With age will come less opportunities. Pretty certain we will fare better.

[Maternus]

A good friend of mine recently dated a woman, who told him, she has BPD. He had sex with her on the first date, but he had a strange feeling in his stomach,  he knew something was wrong. Last week he met her again, because he left some DVDs in her house. She asked him to bring a sixpack of beer and some cigarettes - for breakfast! She told him before, that she found another one, the first real love of her life. Her apartment was darkened, when he arrived, he told me she looked unkempt and desperate. Her new lover was a loser and she thought her life is a mess. He told me about this and i said to him: You just took a trip to the future of my ex. I think that's exactly how she ends up, when her children are grown up and she has to deal with her loneliness and faded beauty.

[imstronghere2]

POF!

ROFL! Now THAT'S funny.   

[Targeted]

POF!

ROFL! Now THAT'S funny.   

But true!

[slop]

Within a year of our break up, my BPD-ex got arrested, twice for DUI, did a stint in jail, lost her job, lost her place, lives with her aunt.

Though she did rope some sucker into dating her (she is very hot), and he takes her around the world, since he travels around the world for work and she has no work.

Pretty sure she's making his life hell too, and that should be over soon.