Almost a year and I am more confused than ever

[GlitterBug]

So it has been almost a year since I was painted black and cut off, not only by pwBPD but by close mutual friends and family.

To say the past year has been devastating is an understatament although things have been looking more positive recently and I'm slowly re-building my life and my social circle.

It will be almost exactly a year soon since what I deemed to me a minor falling out escalated into all out warfare.

I've found myself looking online at the 'unblocked' social media accounts which I know is not healthy (I did stop for many months but find myself renuminating more recently) - I'm seeing so many 'adoring' posts about great friends and family and how loved up pwBPD is  with new partner and how appreciative she is of her relationships with friends and family (none of whom will speak to me or even reply to a text message - I think they are terrified to associate with me and become another 'blackened target' like me).

the pwBPD and my closest friends were apart of my life for almost 20yrs; they were all I knew and they have left me out in the wilderness without any explanation or acknowledgment of my pain whatsoever.

I'm angry beyond words but most of all, I'm completely dumfounded that even after all this time, no one has bothered to even see if I'm ok or how I'm doing.

There was a long period of time last year where I was considering ending my life because of the things that were said and the complete betrayal from people I had loved so dearly.

Thankfully I'm no longer in that horrible dark place but I'm driving myself crazy thinking that perhaps I did something to warrant this (I know in my heart I didnt, I was even validated at the time by one of those who now completely ignores my existance! - She praised me for standing up for myself in the face of pwBPD's rage), Several months ago I text her to remind of how she validated me and is now completely ignoring me... .No surprise I didn't get a reply.

Has anyone else here experienced the all round black out from not only the pwBPD but associated friends and family as well?

I'm just so confused and I don't understand 

[Mutt]

Hi GlitterBug,

I'm in the same camp. My ex left early 2013 and the distortions started a few months before that.

I lost all of our mutual friends and in-laws. The situation is similar, no one will talk to me or respond if I chose to send something.

Painful stuff. I'm sorry.

I'm happy to hear you're not in that dark place.

3) Belief that the relationship problems are caused by you or some circumstance

I triggered my ex's fear of abandonment when I told her I wanted a divorce. Some and not all pwBPD may do a distortion campaign. I triggered a lot of stress, anxiety, insecurities and fears in her. I didn't know.

Stories of physical, emotional and financial abuse circulated with her family and friends and I looked pretty bad. Scary stuff!

All the while what was truth, she was having an affair because she has an acute fear of loneliness, lacks a stable sense of self, quickly made an attachment with another man and they moved in, she's having his baby. She fears abandonment, perceived or real. We had a young family and she quickly decimated the family and left with him and our kids.

She projected her actions and behaviors, all the while some of her family and mutual friends congratulated her for leaving an abusive H with no financial means or job. That being said, it begs to question what sort of people buy into to this type of drama?

There are two sides to every story. It's been roughly two years since she had her dissociative phase and the distortion campaign. I see things differently, toxic and dysfunctional behaviors with some of these people that were close to me in my life. Not the kind of behaviors I chose in my personal life now.

I feel like I have little in common with these people that were a significant part of my life. They could have given me the decency of the doubt and talked to me? I'm sorry, it's not how I would treat another person. They may not know any better?

I keep the bad behaviors out with boundaries and the good stuff in. I'm surprised at how much bad stuff was around me, in lieu of my wife as well. It's incredible the amount of toxicity I was in.

[Lucky Jim]

Hi Glitterbug, I'm sorry to hear what you have been through in the past year.  I understand how hard it is to be dragged through the mud by one's Ex.  I went through a divorce after a 16-year marriage to a highly unstable and abusive pwBPD.  Yet she convinced everyone in our small town that I was the bad guy in the black hat.  So what?  I know what the truth is, and you do, too.  Yes, I lost a lot of old friends, but maybe they were not really friends after all.  It's OK.  At the end of the day, I am back to being my authentic self and she has to live with a terrible disorder that makes her miserable everyday.  On my worst day, I still consider myself in a better place than she is living with this terrible disorder.

Hang in there,

LuckyJim

[GlitterBug]

Thanks guys for your input - Much Appreciated!

I guess one of the toghest things to come to terms with is one day you appear to mean so much and the next, you mean absolutely nothing at all.

As a result of what happened and the vile things she said to me before painting me Black, I'm working through alot of anxiety and trust issues still.

I have met a new partner and we have been together 5 months; it so far seems to be going great and it's got pretty serious but I'm having a real tough time trusting and embracing love again but I know that I don't have this disorder which she will have for the rest of her life so I will be able to enjoy a loving a fulfilled relationship, I just need to re-establish my faith and trust in humanity once again 

[CloseToFreedom]

I definitely feel for you. My relationship was 4,5 years (with 10 or so recycles), I can't imagine the damage done to your life in 20 years. Insane! I mean, I'm already having a very hard time to pick up the pieces of my life.

Good to hear that you're not in that dark place anymore though. I know what you mean with being painted black; I often still wonder if I am the one to blame, if I was the distorted person in the relationship. Has anything happened in the year that maybe made you realise that she is the crazy one?

And you have a new partner! How great is that! I can't even think about that this moment but I'm just 2 months out. Its hard to trust, I know, but if its really a nice person she will help you with that.

[dustrat]

Know exactly how it goes ... .5 recycles and currently seperated from my BPD wife and every time she has left like an f5 tornado and destroyed all relationships I had with her family and friends .  I also feel that these people are enabling her but also just scared to speak the truth to her.  Because she could easily paint them the same way. Frustrating very.