I had it out with him

[Depression = 72% of members]

and kicked him out AGAIN and he won't leave AGAIN... .sigh... .it's so frustrating. Omg, so sick of all this mess.  But believe it our not I verbally backed him in a corner when I refused to let the topic be derailed by defending myself of his crazy off the wall accusations... .not that I'm happy about it but it kinda feels like a sick victory somehow.

This has been building up and ready to boil over for about a week now. Came to a head this weekend. All over... .what? idk really... .again... .because he's sick and he doesn't feel well... .because I didn't ask him how he is... .because the sky is blue with white clouds... .

I want him to leave... .and maybe I'm the one who's going to have to do the leaving... .

[Danie14]

and kicked him out AGAIN and he won't leave AGAIN... .sigh... .it's so frustrating. Omg, so sick of all this mess.  But believe it our not I verbally backed him in a corner when I refused to let the topic be derailed by defending myself of his crazy off the wall accusations... .not that I'm happy about it but it kinda feels like a sick victory somehow.

This has been building up and ready to boil over for about a week now. Came to a head this weekend. All over... .what? idk really... .again... .because he's sick and he doesn't feel well... .because I didn't ask him how he is... .because the sky is blue with white clouds... .

I want him to leave... .and maybe I'm the one who's going to have to do the leaving... .

[Mutt]

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad weekend  

I can relate. My ex tried several times to throw me out and weekends were filled with drama.

It's frustrating and agitating when your SO won't leave and your defending yourself with his dissociation. Not fun!

I think it's a good idea that if he chooses to stay than you can leave. I suggest that you consider leaving quietly as there's already a lot of tension? He may ramp things up as it's going to trigger his abandonment fears. I'm sorry.

[Danie14]

sometimes I feel stupid... .you wanna know one thing that holds me back from 'just walking out' of this house? two things really... .well, three now that I'm thinking... .my son, my brother, and my cat. I *feel* that all three depend on me. Crazy, right?

1) when/if I do the leaving my brother is essentially homeless. He's an adult and can manage. Throughout my years it's been me and him... .and our dad... .just us as a strong family unit. I guess I feel my loyalty is being tested.

2) my son. He's 17 now (few more months and he'll be 18) I really don't want to leave him behind having to deal with the fallout of my leaving. I don't want to drag him thru that.  I'm certain that his dad would throw a major fit if I tried to take our son with me... .& he's got his own mind so maybe he wouldn't even want to leave with me anyway.

3) my cat. he's my lil buddy. he's been with me for a long time and I love him and have to take care of him make sure he's ok. There's been times in the past where I've feared for his safety with my H... .so I don't know that I can leave him behind... .my sister and her family are allergic to cats so I can't bring him there with me... .

Stupid huh? Really stupid reasons for my feeling stuck here... .and I think... .that they may just be excuses on my part... .idk... .

Now my h's being super sweet. I told him this weekend that he needs to leave and then he kept coming back asking me 'are you sure' and I kept saying yes... .and then I told him 'I hate this s*** and how can I make sure I never have to deal with this s*** again? HOW?" and that's when he really didn't have anything to say... .

[Mutt]

I don't think that you're stupid Danie14. This is hard stuff  The recipe for leaving is not as simple as just deciding to cut all ties and going, it's more complicated than this. You may also be feeling a lot of stress with his behaviors and this may weigh heavily on your mind?  I can related with feeling isolated and distressed in my marriage with my wife's behavior's and not know which way to turn because we had our kids.

He's being super sweet right now because he sees you all good or split good. He views the world as a threatening and malign place and what he fears abandonment - real or perceived. It's frustrating and disappointing when we display our commitment and reassure that we won't leave our partner and that's assuming that their fear is reasonable. That said, a person suffering from BPD has an unreasonable fear of abandonment and he's being "super sweet" to deflect possible abandonment.

You know it's coming and you may notice that your pBPD is becoming unstable, emotionally blackmailing you, being hyper-critical, twisting things around and projecting their actions on you and using "never" and "always" statements and your faced with rage. I can relate and most times I engaged in circular arguments and tried to reason with logic with someone that has a distorted belief system.  

Have you checked our article on taking a time out? I understand it may be difficult when we're in the thick of emotional blackmail and fog and it will help you with coping. I hope that helps.

TOOLS: how to take a time out