Recycled, then replaced... Happy New Year

[Tom P]

Hi Everyone

It has been quite some time since i last posted. And i have hit a low worse than ever before. Over christmas and the new year,i foolishly began contact with my ex fiance. She had asked for us to have a new start in the new year.And having seen what i perceived as an improvement in her condition (despite her facing court )i agreed for us to try again. We made a plan to go on four dates,get to know each other again,then announce we were back together. At least thats what i believed. Once more im afraid i have had the wool pulled over my eyes and had my heart broken all over again javascript:void(0);

All had been going well,we had been on one of the dates we agreed on,and had been spending more time together hanging out. Then just over a week ago, she met a friends brother ,down here on a holiday. She had told me the friend wanted to set the two of them up,and that she personally had no interest in him (she described him as "not her type" "a bit of a player" and assured me that she would see me the following week, the day she met him her contact become very distant,her messages changed in style,and it went from me hearing from her several times a day,to not receiving any replies to my messages. I knew what was going on,so i walked to the local pub (knew she would be there surprise,surprise) She was there with him,and against my better judgement,i confronted her on what was going on,and told some of her friends that were there that she had been planning on getting back with me.She told me she didnt want to talk ,and that she would speak to me in a few days (coincidently,a few days would have been the time he went back home)

I had had enough,i knew full well i had been fooled and sent a message, saying that i had worked out what was going on, that i was sad she had fooled me once more,and to please not contact me again (although i only partially meant it,i was so hurt i wasnt thinking straight)

A friend of hers sought me out and told me a few home truths,that she had expressed her interest in this man, that she had been out for several dates with him in the space of a week, and that she had been lying to me for quite some time. He begged me to cut off all contact with her,told me that many people knew what she was really like, and that i needed to focus on myself and my life

Tbh right now i am in so much pain i cannot begin to even fathom it, they are actually out enjoying a date right now, and im devastated, after being told by her "new year new start for us" and still respecting her issues with intimacy. I have been cast aside for another,and she seems happy,very very happy. Where as i sit here right now,trying desperately not to end my life. I just dont understand how the hell they can do it? how after her telling me that DBT has begun to make a difference in her, how she can literally turn around,paint me black and pretend i dont exist (she has blocked my phone,and facebook now)

Right now,i just really dont know what to do... .

[Ghost733]

Do you realize that this individual has a severe mental illness?  It doesn't sound like you've let that sink in fully.  If she's not a sociopath, then she exhibits qualities of one.

Stop thinking she's happy - She's not.  She has a severe mental illness that makes her life a complete hell.  :)idn't she exhibit some extremely unattractive traits?  Like she wouldn't kiss you with passion, but because it was a pleasantry?  Wasn't she kind of easy?  :)rugs?  Alcohol?  This isn't a clean or beautiful person, she's just really attractive on the outside (probably).  Inside she's a disgusting mess and she hates herself.  Inside she is actually the saddest, most vile being you can think of.

People might fight me on this, but turn your soul-crushing sadness into anger.  Ride around in your car and call her awful names.  Eventually the anger fades into self-contentness, and you'll be left with new hobbies, a more attractive self, and a healthier mind.

Are you codependent?  I am slightly codependent, and blame any feelings I may still have for my ex on that tendency.  It's not healthy.  It's not normal.

[paperlung]

Hey Tom, similar story here. Except she was just my ex-girlfriend and I avoided the recycle because I knew I'd probably just get hurt again.

My ex moved back to my area at the beginning of December 2014. I saw her twice that month. It was my first time seeing her in over a year. The second time we saw each other was at her place. I brought my Wii U over so we could play Mario Kart for a few hours with no other intentions. Well, she eventually got bored of playing and asked if I wanted to see what was on TV. I said sure, and that is when she started to make the moves on me. Kissing my neck, touching me all over, trying to undo my belt buckle. She was basically molesting me but I was testing to see how far she'd go; I stopped her after she reached down my pants.

Maybe 5 days later she sends me a text message asking me if I wanted to get lunch with her. I declined because I had already ate. She then asked if I still wanted to hang out, maybe go bowling. I declined. I honestly wasn't feeling 100% and wanted to stay home.

A few days later I asked her if she wanted to go to Chapters with me because I had got a gift card for Christmas (she likes reading a lot). She says maybe, but then a few minutes after that I find out that I had to go out for dinner with my family to my grandma's. So I tell her maybe tomorrow.

The next day I ask her if she wants to go and she says she's out with a friend. By friend she means some other guy she was probably meeting for the first time off POF or Tinder. It was after that instance that I asked myself, "What am I doing? Do I really want to keep hanging out with my ex and maybe develop feelings for her just to get hurt again?" So later that day I send her an e-mail telling her I didn't want to see or hear from her again.

10 days later she contacts via text. Does so again another 10 days later. And does it again just yesterday.

I don't think recycles ever pan out.

[sirensong65]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.  You are in the right place.  I have been here on and off 18 months since my ex broke it off two days before our wedding.  I will spare you the details but he turned out to be the biggest liar and whore on the planet.  IT broke my heart.  I don't want him back.  I don't love him anymore.  But the embarrassment and hurt of what he has done to me has been unbearable.

I was ready to end my life during Christmas 2013... .hardest holiday of my life.  Please hang around here and read, read, read.  Vent.  Process and turn the focus back on you and taking good care of yourself.  Back to basics.  It does get better.

[hope2727]

Hey Tom. I am sorry. This must hurt very much. I hope that you are surrounding yourself with people who are kind and loving and support you.

Heart ache hurts no matter how much our head knows that we need the relationship to end. Please know that its not you. Its her. Period. Please know that you are worthy and deserving of a healthy happy relationship. She can't reciprocate that for you.

Now go rub some alcohol and expensive ice cream on your pulverized heart and block all points of contact for her. (Not to much alcohol mind you  ) Also when I weaken and recycle with my ex please cut and paste this post back to me. Hugs.

 

[hurting300]

Do you realize that this individual has a severe mental illness?  It doesn't sound like you've let that sink in fully.  If she's not a sociopath, then she exhibits qualities of one.

Stop thinking she's happy - She's not.  She has a severe mental illness that makes her life a complete hell.  :)idn't she exhibit some extremely unattractive traits?  Like she wouldn't kiss you with passion, but because it was a pleasantry?  Wasn't she kind of easy?  :)rugs?  Alcohol?  This isn't a clean or beautiful person, she's just really attractive on the outside (probably).  Inside she's a disgusting mess and she hates herself.  Inside she is actually the saddest, most vile being you can think of.

People might fight me on this, but turn your soul-crushing sadness into anger.  Ride around in your car and call her awful names.  Eventually the anger fades into self-contentness, and you'll be left with new hobbies, a more attractive self, and a healthier mind.

Are you codependent?  I am slightly codependent, and blame any feelings I may still have for my ex on that tendency.  It's not healthy.  It's not normal.

amazing post. Thank you for this. My ex never kissed me passionately. But she loved to screw.