Are they always so entitled?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

One thing that just blows my mind is the amount of entitlement that spews from my wife. I can never work hard enough, in fact I am in my office right now at 8:15pm and I started at 9AM this morning.

Are all BPD's like this?

[propunchingbag]

One thing that just blows my mind is the amount of entitlement that spews from my wife. I can never work hard enough, in fact I am in my office right now at 8:15pm and I started at 9AM this morning.

Are all BPD's like this?

[ShadowIntheNight]

One thing that just blows my mind is the amount of entitlement that spews from my wife. I can never work hard enough, in fact I am in my office right now at 8:15pm and I started at 9AM this morning.

Are all BPD's like this?

Mine was. So that's at least two.

[HappyNihilist]

One thing that just blows my mind is the amount of entitlement that spews from my wife. I can never work hard enough, in fact I am in my office right now at 8:15pm and I started at 9AM this morning.

Are all BPD's like this?

Mine was. So that's at least two.

My exBPDbf had a staggering sense of entitlement. He said, after the relationship was over, that he expected to be my first priority over everything else in life, at every moment. Because that's a perfectly realistic expectation.

BPD is a persecution complex, and a sense of entitlement sort of naturally flows from that. Like everything, there's a spectrum, and I wouldn't say that every pwBPD has it. But the entitlement makes sense given the disorder.

[jedimaster]

Not always.  Sometimes it's worse.   

[AlonelyOne]

Mine was far worse, entitled, feels she is the only one who did anything of worth, walked away with all the savings, refused any of the debt, and pretty much took everything she wanted. Even items that were not legal for her to take. And now she is trying to take the children away from me.

Every communication is turned into an attack against me.  It's just heinous... .

[raisins3142]

My ex was a quiet/waif type.

She was not outwardly entitled (ex. didn't mind doing fair share of driving or paying for things, at least she didn't say anything).

However, she told me many times that I should totally accept her (meaning her actions and shady past and weird present) and just leave unconditional love at her doorstep, so to speak.  That is a massive entitlement: I get to be as crazy as I'd like and if you don't like it then it is just because of some deficit on your part.  I suppose once in a relationship she felt entitled to stay in it as long as she'd like and not be judged for any reason.

[antelope]

at the core of the disorder is a narcissistic (not necessarily grandiose) self-centeredness, aka only my needs need to be fussed over and taken care of

entitlement logically follows... .

they also commonly assume the roles of victim and martyr, in which entitlement also logically follows

[CloseToFreedom]

Yes, yes, YES. With my exgf it was always her way or the highway. If she didn't get her way, she would go silent and sad until I caved in, or sometimes picked arguments, or claimed that she couldn't expres herself with me.

It's so confusing, as I just couldn't do no wrong during the honeymoon phase. After that though, everything was wrong, and I should always drop everything I'm doing to attent to her needs. I remember I was actually holding a meeting at work and she kept calling and texting, even though I said I couldnt right now because I was in a meeting. It was crazy.

[Deeno02]

Mine was so damn snooty and needy. God! Its what finally broke me. The final bad boyfriend treat me special or lose me thing. Just shattered me.

[drummerboy]

Yep, this is important, cluster B's all have narcissism at their core. Hard to believe sometimes especially when

dealing with a waif type. They are so self absorbed, think that they are the only people on this planet that matter. The world revolves around them. Most people, if they met my ex, would laugh at me if I told them she is a total narcissist, but under the vulnerable, cute, victim act she was a pure narccissist!

at the core of the disorder is a narcissistic (not necessarily grandiose) self-centeredness, aka only my needs need to be fussed over and taken care of

entitlement logically follows... .

they also commonly assume the roles of victim and martyr, in which entitlement also logically follows

[antelope]

Yep, this is important, cluster B's all have narcissism at their core. Hard to believe sometimes especially when

dealing with a waif type. They are so self absorbed, think that they are the only people on this planet that matter. The world revolves around them. Most people, if they met my ex, would laugh at me if I told them she is a total narcissist, but under the vulnerable, cute, victim act she was a pure narccissist!

at the core of the disorder is a narcissistic (not necessarily grandiose) self-centeredness, aka only my needs need to be fussed over and taken care of

entitlement logically follows... .

they also commonly assume the roles of victim and martyr, in which entitlement also logically follows

mine also fell mostly into the waif category, and used the victim stance as her primary form of manipulation... .

the sense of entitlement also has roots in the lack of empathy (evident in all cluster Bs)... .consideration of anyone's needs is inherently absent, and when we nons really do have a problem (get sick, have issues with work or family, etc), a BPD will either shut down or get angry... .just like a little kid

[BorisAcusio]

Yep, this is important, cluster B's all have narcissism at their core. Hard to believe sometimes especially when

dealing with a waif type. They are so self absorbed, think that they are the only people on this planet that matter. The world revolves around them. Most people, if they met my ex, would laugh at me if I told them she is a total narcissist, but under the vulnerable, cute, victim act she was a pure narccissist!

at the core of the disorder is a narcissistic (not necessarily grandiose) self-centeredness, aka only my needs need to be fussed over and taken care of

entitlement logically follows... .

they also commonly assume the roles of victim and martyr, in which entitlement also logically follows

Miller and colleagues (2010) suggested that the nomological networks of vulnerable narcissism and borderline PD are so highly overlapping that one could question whether they represent distinct constructs. It is noteworthy that the narcissism factors were equally strongly related to DSM-IV NPD.

[Deeno02]

Yep, this is important, cluster B's all have narcissism at their core. Hard to believe sometimes especially when

dealing with a waif type. They are so self absorbed, think that they are the only people on this planet that matter. The world revolves around them. Most people, if they met my ex, would laugh at me if I told them she is a total narcissist, but under the vulnerable, cute, victim act she was a pure narccissist!

at the core of the disorder is a narcissistic (not necessarily grandiose) self-centeredness, aka only my needs need to be fussed over and taken care of

entitlement logically follows... .

they also commonly assume the roles of victim and martyr, in which entitlement also logically follows

mine also fell mostly into the waif category, and used the victim stance as her primary form of manipulation... .

the sense of entitlement also has roots in the lack of empathy (evident in all cluster Bs)... .consideration of anyone's needs is inherently absent, and when we nons really do have a problem (get sick, have issues with work or family, etc), a BPD will either shut down or get angry... .just like a little kid

Yep. Her and/or her kids got sick, I was there. Me or my kids got sick? I was made fun of. Man, what an idiot I was.

[Gonzalo]

One one hand, she felt like a lot of things were just her due. I remember talking about an argument one time, and she said "I was mad that you didn't do the dishes like I asked" like it was a completely unreasonable feeling to feel. The thing is, she was unemployed by choice 'temporarily' so had spent that day, and indeed all of the previous week, at home laying on the couch watching Netflix and playing around on her laptop. Yeah, she felt somewhat sick that day, but frankly if you're not to sick to hang out with a friend you're not too sick to spend 20 minutes putting dishes in the dishwasher. Meanwhile I had worked a long day, and instead of my usual desk job I was moving equipment into a van in 95 degree heat then driving said van back into town with no cruise control, so when I got home I spent the first half hour taking a shower then laying down.

I don't believe in that 'all feelings are valid' pop-psych nonsense anymore, largely because of this incident, and I don't think she ever understood why her saying that she was mad at me that day pissed me off so much. Obviously there was more, but that day really stands out as a highlight.

But addressing the question in the thread title, while she could be insanely entitled at times, it definitely wasn't 'always', there were times when she didn't expect, and even seemed to be shocked, at stuff I'd consider normal. For example, she had a lovely 'coming out of both ends' stomach bug and threw up in the trash can while occupying the toilet. She was ashamed of this and told me she was going to clean it up later even though she was really only up for laying down. But after a little time for the air to clear, I spent five minutes pitching the bag in the outside trash and hosing down the can. She thought this was a huge, 'super-boyfriend' deal (although, of course, it was forgotten next time she got mad), but to me it's just part of the stuff you do when you live with someone, and not something that warrants more than 'thanks for taking care of that'.

From my experience, there was a mix of extreme entitlement and extreme whatever-the-opposite-is. She expected me to just do whatever she wanted when she wanted for most things, and heaven help you if you have a question, but other times expected me to be furious over inconsequential stuff or was surprised that I did something I didn't even consider noteworthy.

Also, to Deeno02, for my ex- getting sick was one of the exceptions. If I got sick it activated a sort of caretaker mode, and she would do things like make dinner and avoid getting angry over little stuff or trying to 'discuss' big issues. By the end, I was faking or exaggerating sick to get quiet time at home, though it took me a while to realize it.

[hergestridge]

It was one of the aspect of the disorder that I found so provocative. I had a really hard time dealing with it, always.

It was like a recurring delusion that through her whole life that she had been treated badly and really deserved better - in all aspects of her life.

Both me and her therapist has been truly baffled when she has described herself as "henpecked", as being dominated by other people. Even my wife agrees - after a short recapitulation of her situation - that this is not the case and has not been. It is just a general feeling she has. To the contrary, she dominates and scare others so that they withdraw and leave her.

Also, like a child, she suddenly wanted what her friends wanted. If her friends had bigger houses then she felt enitltled to a bigger house. Other questions like if *I* wanted a bigger house or if she could afford a bigger house, where just not relevant. It was just unfair that she didn't have what her friends have.

It was just so tiresome to have those kind of discussions with a grown up.

[Gonzalo]

It was just so tiresome to have those kind of discussions with a grown up.

I think that sums up a lot of what wore me out. There was just so much that I shouldn't need to say to an adult or hear from an adult.

[goateeki]

Entitlement, and, as I'm informed, a kind of narcissism, is something that I now see as pervading everything my dBPD ex wife said and did.  It started before our relationship started, I know, but our relationship is without doubt the fertile ground on which her sense of entitlement grew. 

Before she met me, her mother abandoned her, her younger sister, and her father for a 20 year old man (boy) and lived with him in his parents' basement for 14 months.  She announced this to her husband (my ex's father) this way: "I've been having an affair, the sex is great, and I'm leaving."  And she walked out.  During the following 14 months, she returned only to steal a car and some other items out of the house.  Great woman, my mother-in-law (former mother-in-law).  Before I began dating the woman who would become my wife, she was engaged but that engagement, and the relationship, ended in murky circumstances.  I could speculate about how it ended and who ended it, but I don't.  The guy probably has no idea just what a bullet he dodged.  Then, soon after we began dating, she was attacked, tied up, and raped at knifepoint by a stranger for hours.

Of course this final event is horrible and something that should never happen to anyone.  But for her, it cemented her view that she is a person to whom bad things will always happen, things over which she has no control.  Which is a great strategy -- a person who believes this about herself need never take responsibility for anything.  Ever the victim.  And I don't think I'm being harsh here.  There are people, for example, who were concentration camp inmates, captives of people whose aim was to exterminate them, and they survived, escaped, and built a successful nation.  There are people who have their legs blown off my IEDs who run marathons on bilateral prosthetics.

My ex seems to have had two modes of being.  She was either utterly resigned and powerless and VERY needy, and would spend her time seeking confirmation that she would be taken care of, or, in her more extroverted mode, she would act completely entitled, and only she could do things correctly.  In this mode -- I kid you not -- she would say such things as "I don't know why we can't just buy whatever we want whenever we want to buy it" (said in response to my no to a $7,000 set of patio furniture), and "You should want that car for your children so that they can be safe, and if I divorce you I'll just pay for it" (said to exhort me to buy her a new luxury SUV because she was tired of the luxury European wagon she drove around in, and despite the fact that she was unemployed and had no ability to pay for anything).

She went from telling me that I spent insufficient time with the children (while she was also telling me that I should work more), to then telling me that I was obsessed with fishing because I took the children fishing six times during the spring and summer of 2014.  She would complain endlessly about the fact that the lawn did not resemble a golf course (like the lawns of other people), to then telling me that I was obsessed with the maintaining the yard when, in response to her complaints, I worked to make the lawn resemble the turf of a golf course.  And then, when I modulated my lawncare activity (because I couldn't take the criticism), she accused me of "giving up on the yard."  She would tell me that the long hours I put in building my own law practice was "the worst time of my life" -- and by the way, she has had multiple "worst time(s) of her life" -- to then telling me that I should work longer hours AFTER I sold my part of the partnership so that I could spend more time with her. 

There was literally nothing I could do right.  I was "a terrible father," and then I was too good a father, who the kids loved spending time with, and she "felt like the crazy one who just yells at the kids all of the time."  During marriage counseling, she would complain that when she articulated a problem, she wanted me to not offer help, but just say "That's crazy."  Then, weeks later, she would complain that when she articulated a problem, my only response was "That's crazy" and that I failed to offer help or a solution.  She would say things like "I restrict my communication with (me) to speaking only about the children because I don't want to give him (me) the wrong idea" (she had by this point completely dropped out of the marriage), to complaining that the only thing I would speak about was the children. 

When I sued her in divorce and began to see a girlfriend, and she seemed to understand that these two things were actually happening, she would say "I never said I wanted a divorce" (as if she alone could make that choice) and foamed at the mouth about my new relationship, while also saying that "she couldn't care less."

At the end of it all, I do not know why I put up with this person as long as I did.  I have worked with a CBT for a long time, and I've gone over the possibilities.  I know that we are encouraged to try to understand people with BPD, and be kind, merciful, etc.  But I've concluded that there are some bad people in the world.  It might not be their fault, maybe the concept of fault is irrelevant here.  But there are some bad people, people to be avoided at all costs.  In nature, there is such thing as the parasitic wasp, and it's a horrible creature that does horrible things.  What I've learned is that in human relationships, we do have an equivalent of the parasitic wasp.  Don't put up with it, don't try to understand it, and whatever you do, do not try to make it better.  The relationship makes that impossible.  Just shake hands and walk away.           

[raisins3142]

at the core of the disorder is a narcissistic (not necessarily grandiose) self-centeredness, aka only my needs need to be fussed over and taken care of

entitlement logically follows... .

they also commonly assume the roles of victim and martyr, in which entitlement also logically follows

Yep.  Folks commonly associate selfishness with material things and not emotional, but the emotional is probably worse, in my opinion.  Mine never once asked me about my day with sincerity (she would as a cursory nicety/conversation starter sometimes) and also never offered real support when she knew something was wrong and never predicted when something might be bothering me (e.g. "that person wasn't very nice to you, you don't deserve that".

She was Captain Oblivious.

Heck, as I shared here before, I could follow right behind her car for an hour going somewhere and pull up next to her and look over and smile, and she'd be staring forward in a sulk.  Just weird.  Makes you feel invisible and unimportant.  Same as when she would be lost in a conversation with other men in front of me and ignore me for long periods (like not hear me or look at me and talk over me, something considered rude if ANYONE does it to you).     

[raisins3142]

Yep, this is important, cluster B's all have narcissism at their core. Hard to believe sometimes especially when

dealing with a waif type. They are so self absorbed, think that they are the only people on this planet that matter. The world revolves around them. Most people, if they met my ex, would laugh at me if I told them she is a total narcissist, but under the vulnerable, cute, victim act she was a pure narccissist!

at the core of the disorder is a narcissistic (not necessarily grandiose) self-centeredness, aka only my needs need to be fussed over and taken care of

entitlement logically follows... .

they also commonly assume the roles of victim and martyr, in which entitlement also logically follows

Yep, mine was so hurt that she did not have any mental energy to consider other things (in this way, most people going through a depression or anxiety turn inward, but BPD is like that with gasoline thrown all over it).  Also, she was raised in a way where she had to emotionally fend for herself and was in a toxic environment.  She probably can't imagine what it would be like to have long stretches of a peaceful mind and to have been given examples of people asking about and caring for each other genuinely.  She has no idea how to really do that.

[raisins3142]

Yep, this is important, cluster B's all have narcissism at their core. Hard to believe sometimes especially when

dealing with a waif type. They are so self absorbed, think that they are the only people on this planet that matter. The world revolves around them. Most people, if they met my ex, would laugh at me if I told them she is a total narcissist, but under the vulnerable, cute, victim act she was a pure narccissist!

at the core of the disorder is a narcissistic (not necessarily grandiose) self-centeredness, aka only my needs need to be fussed over and taken care of

entitlement logically follows... .

they also commonly assume the roles of victim and martyr, in which entitlement also logically follows

mine also fell mostly into the waif category, and used the victim stance as her primary form of manipulation... .

the sense of entitlement also has roots in the lack of empathy (evident in all cluster Bs)... .consideration of anyone's needs is inherently absent, and when we nons really do have a problem (get sick, have issues with work or family, etc), a BPD will either shut down or get angry... .just like a little kid

Mine was talking to me about a famous tv series we both watch where a lead male character lost his wife in a horrific manner.  He was very upset for a long time.

She chastised him for being wimpy about it and said he needed to compartmentalize and move on.

I was blown away and disagreed with her stating in effect that it is understandable how upset he was over that.

She just totally disagreed.   

[raisins3142]

It was just so tiresome to have those kind of discussions with a grown up.

I think that sums up a lot of what wore me out. There was just so much that I shouldn't need to say to an adult or hear from an adult.

Yep, it's like someone digging a ditch in work boots and then walking across your new white carpet.  When you get upset, they respond "well you should've told me not to do that.  i won't again."  And then they track in grease the next day and don't realize because it is not mud this time.

Would you let that person house sit for you?

[raisins3142]

Entitlement, and, as I'm informed, a kind of narcissism, is something that I now see as pervading everything my dBPD ex wife said and did.  It started before our relationship started, I know, but our relationship is without doubt the fertile ground on which her sense of entitlement grew. 

Before she met me, her mother abandoned her, her younger sister, and her father for a 20 year old man (boy) and lived with him in his parents' basement for 14 months.  She announced this to her husband (my ex's father) this way: "I've been having an affair, the sex is great, and I'm leaving."  And she walked out.  During the following 14 months, she returned only to steal a car and some other items out of the house.  Great woman, my mother-in-law (former mother-in-law).  Before I began dating the woman who would become my wife, she was engaged but that engagement, and the relationship, ended in murky circumstances.  I could speculate about how it ended and who ended it, but I don't.  The guy probably has no idea just what a bullet he dodged.  Then, soon after we began dating, she was attacked, tied up, and raped at knifepoint by a stranger for hours.

Of course this final event is horrible and something that should never happen to anyone.  But for her, it cemented her view that she is a person to whom bad things will always happen, things over which she has no control.  Which is a great strategy -- a person who believes this about herself need never take responsibility for anything.  Ever the victim.  And I don't think I'm being harsh here.  There are people, for example, who were concentration camp inmates, captives of people whose aim was to exterminate them, and they survived, escaped, and built a successful nation.  There are people who have their legs blown off my IEDs who run marathons on bilateral prosthetics.

My ex seems to have had two modes of being.  She was either utterly resigned and powerless and VERY needy, and would spend her time seeking confirmation that she would be taken care of, or, in her more extroverted mode, she would act completely entitled, and only she could do things correctly.  In this mode -- I kid you not -- she would say such things as "I don't know why we can't just buy whatever we want whenever we want to buy it" (said in response to my no to a $7,000 set of patio furniture), and "You should want that car for your children so that they can be safe, and if I divorce you I'll just pay for it" (said to exhort me to buy her a new luxury SUV because she was tired of the luxury European wagon she drove around in, and despite the fact that she was unemployed and had no ability to pay for anything).

She went from telling me that I spent insufficient time with the children (while she was also telling me that I should work more), to then telling me that I was obsessed with fishing because I took the children fishing six times during the spring and summer of 2014.  She would complain endlessly about the fact that the lawn did not resemble a golf course (like the lawns of other people), to then telling me that I was obsessed with the maintaining the yard when, in response to her complaints, I worked to make the lawn resemble the turf of a golf course.  And then, when I modulated my lawncare activity (because I couldn't take the criticism), she accused me of "giving up on the yard."  She would tell me that the long hours I put in building my own law practice was "the worst time of my life" -- and by the way, she has had multiple "worst time(s) of her life" -- to then telling me that I should work longer hours AFTER I sold my part of the partnership so that I could spend more time with her. 

There was literally nothing I could do right.  I was "a terrible father," and then I was too good a father, who the kids loved spending time with, and she "felt like the crazy one who just yells at the kids all of the time."  During marriage counseling, she would complain that when she articulated a problem, she wanted me to not offer help, but just say "That's crazy."  Then, weeks later, she would complain that when she articulated a problem, my only response was "That's crazy" and that I failed to offer help or a solution.  She would say things like "I restrict my communication with (me) to speaking only about the children because I don't want to give him (me) the wrong idea" (she had by this point completely dropped out of the marriage), to complaining that the only thing I would speak about was the children. 

When I sued her in divorce and began to see a girlfriend, and she seemed to understand that these two things were actually happening, she would say "I never said I wanted a divorce" (as if she alone could make that choice) and foamed at the mouth about my new relationship, while also saying that "she couldn't care less."

At the end of it all, I do not know why I put up with this person as long as I did.  I have worked with a CBT for a long time, and I've gone over the possibilities.  I know that we are encouraged to try to understand people with BPD, and be kind, merciful, etc.  But I've concluded that there are some bad people in the world.  It might not be their fault, maybe the concept of fault is irrelevant here.  But there are some bad people, people to be avoided at all costs.  In nature, there is such thing as the parasitic wasp, and it's a horrible creature that does horrible things.  What I've learned is that in human relationships, we do have an equivalent of the parasitic wasp.  Don't put up with it, don't try to understand it, and whatever you do, do not try to make it better.  The relationship makes that impossible.  Just shake hands and walk away.           

I empathize, wow, mine wasn't as bad though.  Thank goodness you are out.

I'm beginning to notice a common thread about entitlement but also BPD in general and that is: inability to realize that most all things are a trade-off in life.

For instance, if you spend time doing X, then you also can't spend that same time doing Y.

Or if you dress to impress then you also can't simultaneously dress in a down home, humble manner.

[goateeki]

Thanks, Raisins. 

I don't know if you had a similar experience, but once you know what you're looking at, looking at it becomes a disturbing experience.  When the thought "She has a screw loose" is no longer something that requires a leap -- when you see it and know what you're seeing -- you wonder whether you should be in the same building with this person.  It makes you feel very uneasy; at least it made (and makes) me feel very uneasy. 

[iluminati]

The short answer is yes, next question.

The long answer has to do with the condition.  I know people came to this section from different circumstances.  However, the typical pwBPD has been legitimately through it.  There's a reason that the low end of child sexual abuse rates is 50%, with most estimates in the 80s percentwise.  Throw in neglect, physical abuse and all sorts of chaos and trauma, well... .to honor Black History Month, allow me to quote Langston Hughes in saying Life For Them Has Been No Crystal Stair.

Here's the problem with BPD in layman's terms.  They have real issues telling between the past, present and future.  There is a decent amount of literature showing that pwBPD have real issues with time perception.  Now what does this have to do with entitlement?  Well, if you think that any minute, those kids are going to gang rape you, asking you to drop what you're doing and talk to you for 2 hours isn't a horrible request.  The problem is that she's thinking of kids that existed likely before you know he or she existed.  In other words, they don't percieve themselves as entitled because they believe past threats are still salient.  Of course, with treatment, they finally address these traumas and don't feel that they need to be dealt with by (fill in the blank).  Then again, that assumes that they'll seek treatment and stick with it... .as I know from painful experience.

Mentally, they still see themselves as Abused Kids, even if they're 40+ married with kids and a halfway decent job.  That's why they think they deserve that much.  Our jobs as nons, regardless of relationship status, is to not get sucked up into their tragedies and ideally force them to confront their own issues.

[goateeki]

Illuminati -- "Here's the problem with BPD in layman's terms.  They have real issues telling between the past, present and future.  There is a decent amount of literature showing that pwBPD have real issues with time perception."

This is interesting to me.  I once gave a lift to a mutual female acquaintance. I didn't tell her beforehand.  I didn't have to, no one should have to tell their SO which of their acquaintances they're giving a ride to.  After I left my office, she called it and was able to find out that I'd left with this person (female).  This drove her crazy. Volcanic anger.

As we were ending out marriage, she brought this up in couples therapy.  To my amazement, she revealed that she has always thought I was sleeping with this woman, that she has been angry about it for 15 years, and that she has never believed a word that I've said about it. 

I was stunned by this.  I didn't know people had feelings like this or interacted with the world this way.     

[Trog]

Early giving turned into expecting... .

a) I pay for all fixed costs, mortgage, all utilities, council tax without exception

b) That if she is off work that I keep her until she is not

c) If she is not working I pay for treats and new clothes for her and her family and pay for entire families to fly out and visit us without being paid back.

d) She bought 3 wedding dresses and only wore one, she didnt take the others back.

e) When she moved out she took everything "she bought" for the home (when you never pay any bills and only buy furniture... .turns out ALL the furniture is then yours).

f) When we divorce, despite having spent 6 figures keeping her and treating her she has worked out that I owe her 95k! (God knows!)

g) She gets to decide every event attend, all Christmases and Easters should be spent with her family.

h) She doesn't have to make me any food or drink but every time i cook or make a drink I must make it for her

i) Even when she had keys she would deliberately ring the doorbell to force me out of the bath or shower, just to take the pees.

j) I must eat vegetarian food and cook vegetarian foods at all times and eat by her diet and if I don't I will "divorced" (See how that turned out!)

k) She can tell me she is attracted to someone but I have to not mention any exes or say anything to make her jealous

There's a million more. My wishes and basic respects were totally disguarded. Urgh. I can't write anymore, 50% because she makes me sick and 50% because I make me sick for tolerating such a turd.

[Maternus]

After the breakup my ex assumed that everything I bought for myself during the relationship was a mutual purchase.

[Madison66]

The memories are fading over time, but I recall getting more and more frustrated by the entitlement crap which was pretty much an expression of lack of empathy.  It used to drive me crazy when she'd do it and then no matter how I'd call it out, she could rationalize it without a blink of an eye.  Didn't matter how wacky it was.  I don't care - PD or not!  There can't be a "relationship" where two people "relate" when entitlement and lack of empathy is so prevalent with one person. 

[ADecadeLost]

Entitlement almost seems like an euphemism for the way she acted.  But truth is, I was never really sure if it was simply a symptom of her BPD or just a result of growing up rich.  Her siblings are equally entitled as are her cousins.  They're all spoiled rich kids (even those approaching their 40s) and rely on family money instead of themselves.  I'm pretty sure none would survive more than a few months without being spoon fed their parents money. Honestly, my dBPD ex probably stands the best chance of survival even with her PD due to somewhat living a middle class lifestyle during her decade with me.  The rest have never even had the umbilical cord severed temporarily.

[Maternus]

Entitlement almost seems like an euphemism for the way she acted.  But truth is, I was never really sure if it was simply a symptom of her BPD or just a result of growing up rich.

This is interesting. I always tried to find a reason for the strange behaviour of my uBPDex. My theory was, that she was grown up as the only child of her parents. She always complained when I left traces of my existence somewhere. She even complained when I was doing the washing-up when it was her turn and didn't finish it because I had to pick up her children at the school. "Oh, dear? Have you dropped the hammer once again?"