Feeling Terrible Jealousy

[Depression = 72% of members]

As some of you know my exBPD/addict recycled her ex boyfriend.This man is also an addict and has his own issues.

This is the man that she painted black when she met me and he ran off with another woman.This was a terrible drama hate filled ending.

Now she made her way back to him because he ended it with his old girlfriend and that was filled with drama and police.Now my exBPDgf is back with him and I am feeling Anger,Rage,Pain and Feeling Jealous.I am not sure why I am feeling this but I am.

As I look at this it sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer.

My brain tells me that these 2 nut jobs are meant for each other.On the other hand my heart is bleeding.I no that these 2 do there coke and that's what that relationship is based on.They have nothing else.Its all about the next party.

I hope all this blows up in there face like it did last time.The last time they lost there home,motorcycles and everything else.

I am not sure were I am going with this but it just sucks and I want them to feel the pain I feel.It is obvious they are not and I have to continue NC and lay in my puddle of blood.

I am trying to shake these pictures and images in my head of them 2 together and having sex.Sometimes that is a challenge because of my Obsessive nature in which I am on Meds For.

I am just rambling and smashing this keyboard right now... .Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... .

I HATE THIS FEELING.!

[NYMike]

As some of you know my exBPD/addict recycled her ex boyfriend.This man is also an addict and has his own issues.

This is the man that she painted black when she met me and he ran off with another woman.This was a terrible drama hate filled ending.

Now she made her way back to him because he ended it with his old girlfriend and that was filled with drama and police.Now my exBPDgf is back with him and I am feeling Anger,Rage,Pain and Feeling Jealous.I am not sure why I am feeling this but I am.

As I look at this it sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer.

My brain tells me that these 2 nut jobs are meant for each other.On the other hand my heart is bleeding.I no that these 2 do there coke and that's what that relationship is based on.They have nothing else.Its all about the next party.

I hope all this blows up in there face like it did last time.The last time they lost there home,motorcycles and everything else.

I am not sure were I am going with this but it just sucks and I want them to feel the pain I feel.It is obvious they are not and I have to continue NC and lay in my puddle of blood.

I am trying to shake these pictures and images in my head of them 2 together and having sex.Sometimes that is a challenge because of my Obsessive nature in which I am on Meds For.

I am just rambling and smashing this keyboard right now... .Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... .

I HATE THIS FEELING.!

[Mutt]

Hi NYMike,

I'm sorry to hear that. It takes time for the heart to catch up to the head. It's understandable that you're concerned about your exe's safety with hard drugs and the tainted past with the replacement. It's hard watching this stuff unfold. It's Ok to feel angry, healthy anger is normal.

I'm sorry if I may be getting this wrong. Are you NC with her?

[NYMike]

Hi NYMike,

I'm sorry to hear that. It takes time for the heart to catch up to the head. It's understandable that you're concerned about your exe's safety with hard drugs and the tainted past with the replacement. It's hard watching this stuff unfold. It's Ok to feel angry, healthy anger is normal.

I'm sorry if I may be getting this wrong. Are you NC with her?

2 months NC.The only contact was in court but we did not speak.That was over a month ago.

And this past Monday she called to arrange for picking up her stuff.She ended up freaking out at me for no apparent reason and hung up on me.She again made no arrangements.

I can not call her or contact her till OOP is up.That is 60 more days.In NY they can contact us but the person that has the OOP(ME) better not dare to contact because I will be in jail and face a Year.

[christin5433]

Nymike better find something to do anything clean all ur bathrooms whatever go for a drive. Try to distract yourself ! I watch Netflix suspense movies. Idk do something to ride out today. I was sent a quote that says : never get jealous when u see your ex with someone else because our parents always taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate. Don't even give her one moment of your fury she will use it for her gain. Sick b.

[downwhim]

Mike, there is an old saying, what comes around goes around. Example:

My marriage ended after 22 years and 3 kids. My husband was cheating with Ms. G string at the office. He affair ended with another married man there and she then latched on to my husband. They were so secretive. He got her promoted as the first woman sales person and next thing I know he was gone all of the time. He had a herpes on his lip, got a new hair piece (not kidding), started wearing cologne to work (you got it).

Fast forward 8 years. They have been married for 4 years now. They are due to inherit a ton of money from my ex in-laws. They have a place in Palm Desert, two duplexes and live on a houseboat. Quite the life. HE IS MISERABLE. It has taken this long for my kids to finally fess up. She b___es at him all the time, is a control freak and to top it off she just had a heart attach or an angiogram. Whatever, her heart is no good.

So you see my friend, I too suffered, got the kids, little money (he hid some and took some before I filed) and I wanted to call it good. He got his. You will see with time that you are better off and the two druggies will have a life unlike what you want.

Stay N/C and count your blessings.  

[NYMike]

Yes I cleaned my whole house today and vented with a few friends on the phone.I have this sick feeling in my gut.

I do no that I am much better off.They can have the drugs,weed and alcohol.That is not gonna last and then I must prepare myself for the day she comes crying back to the ''good man''.

I hope by that time I am stronger and able to tell het to leave and go get some serious help for your Cocaine Addiction and your Emotional Problems.

I just feel so hurt,sad,angry,bitter,jealous and shocked she could be so low down and do me so dirty.

No Compassion or Empathy.She is a self centered,selfish,dishonest,zero consideration for anyone but herself.

SICK SICK SICK          

[NYMike]

Mike, there is an old saying, what comes around goes around. Example:

My marriage ended after 22 years and 3 kids. My husband was cheating with Ms. G string at the office. He affair ended with another married man there and she then latched on to my husband. They were so secretive. He got her promoted as the first woman sales person and next thing I know he was gone all of the time. He had a herpes on his lip, got a new hair piece (not kidding), started wearing cologne to work (you got it).

Fast forward 8 years. They have been married for 4 years now. They are due to inherit a ton of money from my ex in-laws. They have a place in Palm Desert, two duplexes and live on a houseboat. Quite the life. HE IS MISERABLE. It has taken this long for my kids to finally fess up. She b___es at him all the time, is a control freak and to top it off she just had a heart attach or an angiogram. Whatever, her heart is no good.

So you see my friend, I too suffered, got the kids, little money (he hid some and took some before I filed) and I wanted to call it good. He got his. You will see with time that you are better off and the two druggies will have a life unlike what you want.

Stay N/C and count your blessings.  

Thank You.I hate to say it but KARMA has a way to work itself out.I hope they both get it.

I am a good person and would never do this to anyone.I could not live with myself if I did.

I hope they choke on there COCAINE... .

[Mutt]

You cleaned your house, vented on the phone and feel sick to your stomach.

What about getting out? Go for a walk, drive, movie, visit friends, something to clear the mind?

[NYMike]

You cleaned your house, vented on the phone and feel sick to your stomach.

What about getting out? Go for a walk, drive, movie, visit friends, something to clear the mind?

I went for a drive and that did help.These are all good ideas Mutt thanks.It's been a long tough day after seeing those 2.I am glad they did not see me.

[Mutt]

You cleaned your house, vented on the phone and feel sick to your stomach.

What about getting out? Go for a walk, drive, movie, visit friends, something to clear the mind?

I went for a drive and that did help.These are all good ideas Mutt thanks.It's been a long tough day after seeing those 2.I am glad they did not see me.

I understand. It's hard to be centered when we're triggered and upset. I can relate.

What's the issue? The length of time that you can't talk to her? She has this power and control because she can get in touch with you whereas you can't?

Her leaving her stuff there and not wanting to come get it? An opportunity to talk to her?

What're you trying to get through to her?

It helps to talk.

[Mike-X]

NYMike,

I definitely feel for you. You are lucky she is gone. As I would imagine you know in your head but maybe not in your heart, the girl who idealized you and you idealized is not who she is in long term relationships.

Try re-reading your message as if a friend wrote it about his situation. what would you say to him?

[christin5433]

NYMike,

I definitely feel for you. You are lucky she is gone. As I would imagine you know in your head but maybe not in your heart, the girl who idealized you and you idealized is not who she is in long term relationships.

Try re-reading your message as if a friend wrote it about his situation. what would you say to him?

Good idea! It's not worth it you would be acting on impulse. I hate when I have anxiety feelings that are mixed w jealousy. I lock myself in my house and don't go out. Hope u get through this tomorrow's a new day

[NYMike]

You cleaned your house, vented on the phone and feel sick to your stomach.

What about getting out? Go for a walk, drive, movie, visit friends, something to clear the mind?

I went for a drive and that did help.These are all good ideas Mutt thanks.It's been a long tough day after seeing those 2.I am glad they did not see me.

I understand. It's hard to be centered when we're triggered and upset. I can relate.

What's the issue? The length of time that you can't talk to her? She has this power and control because she can get in touch with you whereas you can't?

Her leaving her stuff there and not wanting to come get it? An opportunity to talk to her?

What're you trying to get through to her?

It helps to talk.

Don't really care to talk to her because all she has is hate and anger she lashes out.

Yes she has some power and control.I do not like that.

Trying to arrange the pick up of her crap like judge ordered and she has blown up on me on the phone and ends up not making arrangement to get this crap... .3 times now in over 2 months she hangs up mad.Then I can not contact her... .

Its like a game to her.

[Mutt]

Judge's orders.

Why are you the one that has to enforce she picks it up? It's her belongings.

If she has vitriol, anger on the phone. It's not for you to have to be subjected to that. I'd hang up the phone.

Are you breaking an order? Is she breaking a stipulance?

[NYMike]

Judge's orders.

Why are you the one that has to enforce she picks it up? It's her belongings.

If she has vitriol, anger on the phone. It's not for you to have to be subjected to that. I'd hang up the phone.

Are you breaking an order? Is she breaking a stipulance?

I am just lost for words on this anymore.

She was ordered to pick up stuff.She never followed through.

I did hang up the phone when she started the rage and anger.

I am breaking no rules.She is not breaking any rules... I just can not contact her.She can contact me.

Today I just found out from the police  that she has changed her phone number when they tried to call her.So now I have to just wait and hold these belongings here till the end of march.I have no clue where she stays or how to get in touch with her accept at her job.

Not sure why she went and changed the number.?

My lawyer said I can bring her back to court and try to resolve it there.

I also found out today that I have been paying her some of her bills that she was suppose to get switched over.She never did and I thought she did.Now I am 500.00 in the hole and have to call these people tomorrow to get my debt card off her crap... .

I was so blind and not to thrilled with this.

[Mutt]

If the cops can't find her and you don't know where she is and she's triggered. It's possible she has nowhere to put her stuff. A pwBPD have difficulties clearly communicating needs and she may not know how to ask you. She may be leaving it there for a reason to have a connection with you. How long has she been with this guy? She may very well be scared it's not going to work out right?

An option. March isn't far off right?

Negative attention is still attention. If she's playing games with you and not following the judge's orders - that's on her. Can you simply leave her belongings there. If she's directing anger at you - hang up and don't pick up if she calls back. Now you have an ROO?

It's called a protective order where I live. I think they have variable stipulations i.e. You can't be more than 100 ft or so. Are you only restricted to not calling her? It may draw her attention and she may show up. That's why I ask if you don't talk to her. Or she may not.

If she doesn't come get her things and you don't know where she is when the time's up, can you get a friend or family member on her side and leave it with them?

I'm sorry to hear about the $500 dollars. You said it blindsided you, I'd look at this is a lesson and be wary moving forward.

I understand it's hard with not knowing her whereabouts, her boyfriend with the checkered past and drug usage, these are undesirable and difficult circumstances. Try to remain centered and get her things out in March with putting it into storage, shipping it, leaving it with family etc and end the game she's playing.