Living with my husband who i suspect has BPD

[Marie068]

 

I have been struggling with my husband who i am pretty sure has BPD. I have been looking into the symptoms and he has all of them.

He is very difficult to live with. I do love him very much and if i could get him help i would.

The trouble is i am not sure if he would accept he has this condition. I have been wanting to approach him about it, but have not be sure how to go about it.

Can anyone give advise as to how to approach my partner about having this and getting him help?

Thankyou.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

 

Welcome marie068

It is very frustrating indeed once you start to realize what the problem might be and hope you can just get him "fixed'. Unfortunately it is a long and hard process. We first have to start changing the way we interact and think.

Have you worked your way through the Lessons?

Hopefully once you make changes then the dynamics will change so that he MAY be open to accept the disorder and be open to Therapy. Even then it is still a long journey. This is why YOU have to have a good handle on it as you will be living through this trauma too.

Keep posting and asking questions

Waverider

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Marie068,  

I would like to join Waverider and welcome you.

I understand how frustrating it is to cope with confusing and erratic behavior.    Learning about BPD is a good start in understanding and learning why your husband reacts in a certain way.  It is great that you have started to learn about the symptoms.  What symptoms are more prominent in your husband?  What ones do you have the hardest time coping with?

Speaking to your husband about the disorder can be tricky.  Acceptance is very hard for many people with BPD (people with BPD). The same can be said for non-disordered people as well.  It is hard for some people to hear that there is something "wrong" with them.  I found not labeling the disorder as BPD helped when I approached my bf.  Some of his behavior was very harmful to himself and I addressed concerns with the behavior, rather than focusing on the label of BPD.  Prior to speaking to him about seeking therapy, I made sure that I learned how to effectively communicate with him. Learning communication tools truly helped discussing difficult subjects, such as therapy, with my bf. Actually the communication tools provided on this site helped me learn how to effectively communication with everyone.   Here are some  links to help get you started.  

Communication tools (SET, PUVAS, DEARMAN)

PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPD

Having a set of tools and knowledge in our corner, as provided by this site, truly does help improve our relationships.  Posting here and sharing your story helps as well. You will find there are many people going through similar situations.