Help I broke NC and feel terrible

[ManyPieces]

I broke NC today  he was such a jerk and I had barely said anything and he already was declaring I need to move on with my life and get over it. I feel so terrible and low, I'm embarassed I did this. I went to the gym and ran 5k hoping it would take the edge off, but I feel stupid. Any words of encouragement? I feel weak  has anyone broke NC and what did you do after?

[downnout98]

I broke n/c too and all it did was cause more pain. My exBPDgf was trying to break N/C by telling me how she was crying for me the night before. I took the bait and in a string of texts it went from how she loved and missed me, that no one and no relationship compares to us. But then it turned into saying that she was just being emotional and that I messed up and should have come back. Then it was that this was not good for either of us and that we should continue moving on. She was saying all this while she is with my replacement and proclaiming to all our friends that she is happy with him. It was like she wanted to get my hopes up again only to break up again. Maybe she just needed to feel that control again.

[hope2727]

I am sorry you are experiencing this. Please know that you are a good person who sincerely wanted to reach out to someone you loved. The problem is that he is not a healthy person and you can't logic a broken mind. You are worthy and deserving of a healthy happy reciprocal relationship. I have wanted to call a million times but I know its hopeless. Now you know too. One more step on the journey to happy. Hugs. 

[Deeno02]

Its ok. I did the same to wish her well and got the verbal beat down from her. Lesson learned, wont do that again! Dont beat yourself up over it. This is a very difficult process we are going through. It's going to be ok.

[fromheeltoheal]

I feel weak has anyone broke NC and what did you do after?

The empowering thing to do is use it; an experience like that is a great way to check in with yourself and your detachment and see where you are.  What did you learn as a result?  How can you use this moving forward?  What do you need to do differently?  What were you thinking right before you contacted him, and if you decide that doesn't serve you, how do you adjust your focus in a way that supports you?  Answering all of that honestly and adjusting accordingly can make the experience beneficial, which is the point.

[JRT]

We are all tempted to do this. After 3 months of NC, I thought that it would be very adult of me to contact mine to wish her a Merry Christmas on Xmas eve. She hung up when I said hello and THEN I got a call from the cops! Nice huh?

I was just thinking about this yesterday. I have maintained contact with all of my ex's and have always felt that although I couldn't make it with them as far as a relationship goes, that it was no reason to never speak with them again. I have been blessed with many good friendships where a couple of them have helped me through THIS debacle. However, BPD being a special case, contact with them denotes something to THEM that we did not denote and, from what I have read here more often than not, has the tendency of returning us right back to them and the trouble (and ultimately another b/u) that defined the relationship. It never seems to works to our benefit and only seems to embolden their posture. 

[downwhim]

Please know many of us have had this happen. I broke N/C after almost 4 months when all my pictures and his emails went missing on my computer. These were pictures of us on trips and my son's wedding etc. I had to know if somehow he got into my computer.

He was cold, distant, direct, denied any wrong doing and said go to my IT person at work. Very logical but cold. I got it. It was like closure.

It took me two days to get on track again. Get back to N/C and remember we are not perfect and we have been abused... .you will be fine, 

[cloudten]

Well- in the past I have broken NC... .a lot.

One of the things that has prevented me from doing it this time is that knowing that if I do, I could possibly bring myself into a love triangle again which is the absolute last place I ever want to be in ever again. It was horrible!

So, from now on, I will always assume he has a replacement. period. I know he won't be honest about whether he does or does not have a gf. So, history has proven to me that I cannot believe him. Therefore, I must assume he has a full time girlfriend. It sucks. It hurts. But it is helping me.

Please trust me when I say that you do not want to be part of a love triangle.

Also- my therapist told me that to take care of a pwBPD, you must quit your job and make them your full time job, including DBT therapy, if you can find a counselor trained in it and will accept a pwBPD, and make them go to therapy 3x a week outpatient, and *hopefully* they would be engaged and dedicated to the process. Looking at it all that way has really helped my perspective on contacting him. There is no way I want that for my life just in the *hope* that he would be capable of a mature, honest, faithrful relationship. Being with a BPD is the harder road.

[GrowThroughIt]

Please trust me when I say that you do not want to be part of a love triangle.

I agree with this whole heartedly!

I had the unfortunate (or fortunate) luck of being in one that involed my uexNPDgf and her exuNPDbf. It was very confusing and emotionally stressfull!

[icom]

So, from now on, I will always assume he has a replacement. period. I know he won't be honest about whether he does or does not have a gf. So, history has proven to me that I cannot believe him. Therefore, I must assume he has a full time girlfriend. It sucks. It hurts. But it is helping me.

Yup, don't even go there.

If they're not with you, it's a case of coup de foudre with someone else.