Am I living with an undiagnosed BPD wife ?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I think I may have joined the dots, After many years of frequent arguments over petty stuff , the disproportionate responses with emotional and physical abuse, the silent treatment for days, the lack of intimacy for almost 4 years, the relentless discussions of "abandonment" ,Being told I was a dead beat dad to my son , Forgetting the fabulous overseas vacation because "my behavior tainted the memory of the vacation" ,Being told that I was going to be outed on social media as an abuser, and I can go on and on .

After being told by my wife that I need therapy and that I have BPD , I happily went to psych to get help for my depression and seek a BPD diagnosis bcos I want my marriage to work and was told that I definitely dont have BPD , but he thinks my wife has. Then I found this forum and wow, I feel like a giant cloud has been lifted?  But where too from here. How can i get my wife to understand. Is there any hope for us. Please help me to move to the next level. What are the best reference books to help me . I appreciate all help here. Thanks

[dadecounty]

I think I may have joined the dots, After many years of frequent arguments over petty stuff , the disproportionate responses with emotional and physical abuse, the silent treatment for days, the lack of intimacy for almost 4 years, the relentless discussions of "abandonment" ,Being told I was a dead beat dad to my son , Forgetting the fabulous overseas vacation because "my behavior tainted the memory of the vacation" ,Being told that I was going to be outed on social media as an abuser, and I can go on and on .

After being told by my wife that I need therapy and that I have BPD , I happily went to psych to get help for my depression and seek a BPD diagnosis bcos I want my marriage to work and was told that I definitely dont have BPD , but he thinks my wife has. Then I found this forum and wow, I feel like a giant cloud has been lifted?  But where too from here. How can i get my wife to understand. Is there any hope for us. Please help me to move to the next level. What are the best reference books to help me . I appreciate all help here. Thanks

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[flowerpath]

 Hi, dade.   

You've found a very good place to start.  If you've lived a person with BPD for a while, it's actually pretty easy to wonder whether you are actually the one who has BPD.  Two of the most important things I've done are to learn as much as I can about BPD and learn how to protect myself from it.  The lessons on this page -->, step-by-step, are very helpful and the recommended books are too.  Sharing with the other members here will help you know that you are not in it by yourself. 

[dadecounty]

Thank you for the advice

[rlhmm]

i just joined this site myself... .be an informational sponge... .read all you can about BPD, it will become obvious whether your spouse is or isnt... .good luck!

[Cole]

I am in pretty much the same boat. Agree 100% with flowerpath; read all the information you can on this site. Don't be afraid to continue counseling in your own if you need to. Living with a BPDw can be debilitating.