Well it finally happened. It only took her 7-8 months, lol.

[fred6]

She finally listed herself on FB as "In a relationship" with the guy that I caught her cheating on me with back in July. I was told that he was "only a friend" and that he wasn't the reason for our break up. I already figured that everything she was saying was a lie, but now I feel validated in my assumptions. I guess she figured that enough time has passed.

I'm not triggered or upset about this latest development. I just kind of wonder why she didn't just go public with replacement much sooner. I mean, they been seeing each other since May-June physically and emotionally and I've been gone since Sept. 20. Why wait so long? To not look like a slut? To not look like a rebound? To not have people ask questions about what happened to me? To sweep the whole thing under the rug? It's not really a surprise and I guess none of it really matters. Things that make you go hmmmm... .

[JRT]

Sorry to hear this... .

I wonder if some of the higher functioning ones might feel that there would be some social repercussions from such an announcement if came too soon after a breakup. It might certainly been no sweat off of her brow to pursue the replacement and have a full blown r/s with him but an entirely different thing to hold back and announce it 'when the time is right'.

[ShadowIntheNight]

She finally listed herself on FB as "In a relationship" with the guy that I caught her cheating on me with back in July. I was told that he was "only a friend" and that he wasn't the reason for our break up. I already figured that everything she was saying was a lie, but now I feel validated in my assumptions. I guess she figured that enough time has passed.

I'm not triggered or upset about this latest development. I just kind of wonder why she didn't just go public with replacement much sooner. I mean, they been seeing each other since May-June physically and emotionally and I've been gone since Sept. 20. Why wait so long? To not look like a slut? To not look like a rebound? To not have people ask questions about what happened to me? To sweep the whole thing under the rug? It's not really a surprise and I guess none of it really matters. Things that make you go hmmmm... .

I have come to realize that people who will lie to your face will also lie to their own face.  It is a convenient way for her to convince her conscience that she didn't cheat on you by updating now instead of back then. It's just a nice little way to ease her own guilt.

It is also possible whomever she is seeing asked her why she hadn't put it on there yet and she felt obliged to to shut him up by updating. All it means is that the clock is now running on him... .

[fred6]

Sorry to hear this... .

I wonder if some of the higher functioning ones might feel that there would be some social repercussions from such an announcement if came too soon after a breakup. It might certainly been no sweat off of her brow to pursue the replacement and have a full blown r/s with him but an entirely different thing to hold back and announce it 'when the time is right'.

Thanks JRT, but don't be sorry. It's not like I didn't already know what was going on. Just updating my situation.

Yep, she is higher functioning and the most fake person that I have ever met in my life. It's amazing what you will overlook when you think you love someone, .

[Mr Hollande]

All it means is that the clock is now running on him... .

[fred6]

She finally listed herself on FB as "In a relationship" with the guy that I caught her cheating on me with back in July. I was told that he was "only a friend" and that he wasn't the reason for our break up. I already figured that everything she was saying was a lie, but now I feel validated in my assumptions. I guess she figured that enough time has passed.

I'm not triggered or upset about this latest development. I just kind of wonder why she didn't just go public with replacement much sooner. I mean, they been seeing each other since May-June physically and emotionally and I've been gone since Sept. 20. Why wait so long? To not look like a slut? To not look like a rebound? To not have people ask questions about what happened to me? To sweep the whole thing under the rug? It's not really a surprise and I guess none of it really matters. Things that make you go hmmmm... .

I have come to realize that people who will lie to your face will also lie to their own face.  It is a convenient way for her to convince her conscience that she didn't cheat on you by updating now instead of back then. It's just a nice little way to ease her own guilt.

It is also possible whomever she is seeing asked her why she hadn't put it on there yet and she felt obliged to to shut him up by updating. All it means is that the clock is now running on him... .

You know, it's funny now that I add up the time frames. I moved in with her at about the 6 month mark. We didn't update to FB relationship status until about the 8 month mark. I didn't even ask her, I just updated my relationship status and she accepted.

I don't know the exact date they got together, but I do know it was between June and July 20. So that would be around 7-8 months. Interesting coincidence.

The clock has been running on him for months. It's just now though that everyone gets to watch, haha

[enlighten me]

I think it has a number of possibilities.

1 she didnt update it as she liked the attention when people thought she was single.

2 She was holding out for someone better but it hssnt happened so she has gone for it.

3 It could be to pull her bf back in by showing she is commited.

4 It could be as said by others that he has pushed for it.

5 She did it to rub your nose in it as her relationship isnt going well so she is lashing out at you in a hope you will contact her.

Or it could be something completely different.

[Mr Hollande]

All plausible scenarios. Meanwhile, crazy is what crazy does... .

[jhkbuzz]

I have come to realize that people who will lie to your face will also lie to their own face.  It is a convenient way for her to convince her conscience that she didn't cheat on you by updating now instead of back then. It's just a nice little way to ease her own guilt.

This reminds me of what my T said to me last week.  We were talking about my ex and my T said (as though she was speaking as my ex), "How can I be honest with you when I can't even be honest with myself?"

[fred6]

I think it has a number of possibilities.

1 she didnt update it as she liked the attention when people thought she was single.

2 She was holding out for someone better but it hssnt happened so she has gone for it.

3 It could be to pull her bf back in by showing she is commited.

4 It could be as said by others that he has pushed for it.

5 She did it to rub your nose in it as her relationship isnt going well so she is lashing out at you in a hope you will contact her.

Or it could be something completely different.

All plausible scenarios. Meanwhile, crazy is what crazy does... .

Yes those are all plausible. However, as crazy as it sounds. I get the impression that she was giving it time so that she didn't have to answer any questions about what happened and not to look slutty, even though they have been together for 7-8 months.

I don't think she was rubbing my nose in it. She unfriended me months ago and I can't see her posts. The only way I know is because a few of our 100+ mutual friends didn't even know that we broke up and asked me what was going on. I would imagine that she got a few questions when she updated her relationship status. Now I can wonder what she told them, hahahaha.

[myself]

Now I can wonder what she told them, hahahaha.

"New Guy rescued/saved me."

[enlighten me]

I get what you mean but 7-8 months seems a bit long for that in my opinion. A reasonable time for starting a new relationship would only be a couple of months so updating after three months wouldnt seem too rushed.

[fred6]

I get what you mean but 7-8 months seems a bit long for that in my opinion. A reasonable time for starting a new relationship would only be a couple of months so updating after three months wouldnt seem too rushed.

Seems like a long time to me also. Especially if she was already with new supply before she even broke up with me and I moved out. Probably didn't want people to know how badly she ended our relationship, so she gave it plenty of time to blow over. To be honest, I don't think many people actually know what happened. So all that time just swept it under the rug to minimize the damage to her reputation or sense of shame. They were together the whole time, so it really doesn't matter. FB doesn't determine if you are in a relationship, it just puts it out there for everyone to see. Hell, she probably doesn't even remember me, ... .

[downwhim]

Think about what it would be like without FB? It happened, she lied, she is BPD, she is very impulsive and she has no empathy. Fb just adds salt to the wound. Whether she posted 7 months ago or today, she most likely was unfaithful. He is in for a big surprise... .he will see the real her soon enough.

[downwhim]

P.S. Hope he is enjoying the carnival. The rollercoaster ride is about to start... .

[parisian]

I was serious with my exBPDgf for 7 months before she posted a relationship status update on fbk also. During those 7 months, she posted only one photo of us together, without me being tagged, and it was a blurry photo so you couldn't really see who she was with anyway. The night she posted a r/s on fbk was the first night she dysregulated, and raged at me. I think waiting 7 months plus not putting a photo up of me even though we were seeing each other on a serious basis, was of course, all about what other people might think or say. Especially given it was just a week short of 12 months from the breakup of her 10 year relationship. They sneak around in secret and don't want to disclose to people too early, otherwise people will rightly wonder how they got over things so quickly.

I would say now that she has posted the status on fbk, the dysregulation will start soon also.

[enlighten me]

Personally I think its something else.  These are impulsive creatures who do what they want unless backed into a corner. If she was so loved up sshe wouldnt care what others think. My exgf was seeing someone twenty to thirty years older than her and took him to her local and was all over him. She didnt care what people thought. Facebook on the other hand is their alternate reality it projects their fantasy image of themselves to the world and they dont like this image to be compromised.

On a different thought is there a way of seing when you changed relationship status. Got me curious as to when mine did.

[neverloveagain]

Tick tock tick tock

[Infared]

She finally listed herself on FB as "In a relationship" with the guy that I caught her cheating on me with back in July. I was told that he was "only a friend" and that he wasn't the reason for our break up. I already figured that everything she was saying was a lie, but now I feel validated in my assumptions. I guess she figured that enough time has passed.

I'm not triggered or upset about this latest development. I just kind of wonder why she didn't just go public with replacement much sooner. I mean, they been seeing each other since May-June physically and emotionally and I've been gone since Sept. 20. Why wait so long? To not look like a slut? To not look like a rebound? To not have people ask questions about what happened to me? To sweep the whole thing under the rug? It's not really a surprise and I guess none of it really matters. Things that make you go hmmmm... .

Mine was much less shameless. She dumped me during the holidays after a live-in 5-year relationship and presented the replacement, (who, of course she was with long before she ran off with him), to her parents 30 days later? They were all like "What the heck" ?... .but blood is thicker than water... .I was villianized and lied about... .etc., etc., etc... .pw BPD are self -centered beyond measure, cruel and abusive. It's an ugly, painful ride.

[BorisAcusio]

Personally I think its something else.  These are impulsive creatures who do what they want unless backed into a corner. If she was so loved up sshe wouldnt care what others think. My exgf was seeing someone twenty to thirty years older than her and took him to her local and was all over him. She didnt care what people thought. Facebook on the other hand is their alternate reality it projects their fantasy image of themselves to the world and they dont like this image to be compromised.

On a different thought is there a way of seing when you changed relationship status. Got me curious as to when mine did.

It could signal that they are an open target as they always have benchwarmers lined up. My ex was living in a 12 years "commited" relationship  - having multiple affairs - and left the status blank in her profile. In our case, it was only updated months later after I insisted.  Apart from this, there could be at least half a dozen possiblities, most of them are not even related to disorder thinking patterns.

[Deeno02]

They have to know how damn ridiculous they look. I mean, I was replaced in one weeks time and this dude is being paraded around. Literally one week I was with her and the kids, next week? He's there. I mean, how the hell do you explain that? I have no idea if shes changed her r/s status on FB as I have her blocked on everything I can block her on. I do know that in our 16 months together, she never changed FB status for us, Hell, didnt even change profile picture to one of us. I was kept from her friends as well. There was only 3 pictures in existence of us. So I was used as her emotional Tampon until something better came along. Oh well. At least I have hair... .

[BorisAcusio]

At least I have hair... .

What's your problem with balding men?

[enlighten me]

I agree boris. Im sure I would have more if I hadnt had all the stress from my uBPD exs .

[Deeno02]

At least I have hair... .

What's your problem with balding men?

Nothing! But my replacement looks like friar Tuck! Hair and all! Lol!

[fred6]

Hahaha, I called my ex wife a little while ago to see if she had cashed my child support check. She mentioned during the conversation that she saw my uexBPDgf's new boyfriend on FB(ex wife and exgf are still FB friends). I had to kindly inform her that the replacement is not a NEW boyfriend, he's an 8 month old boyfriend.

Ex wife knows the whole story, so I'm surprised that she said that. I got a good laugh out of it. But it made me realize that most FB people who probably don't know the whole story of what happened probably think that this actually is just a NEW boyfriend for my exgf. When in fact, he was the NEW boyfriend 8 months ago when when I was still in a relationship with her and living with her. She just lays low for a few months, pops back up on FB with new supply, and nobody is the wiser These people are pros, gotta love it, ... .

[clydegriffith]

Surprised it's lasted this long. The BPDx went through a steady stream of boyfriends one after another before trapping the latest one with a baby. I'm sure that's not going to end well either.

[findingmyselfagain]

I've been out of my r/s with a pwBPD for almost 5 years, and it's still confusing. I was the best thing ever, practically adopted her 1 y/o daughter... .until a few days after our wedding shower. Then she went out with a co-worker, who, yes, she ended up dating for about a year. She didn't waste any time putting up a couples photo. It may have been two months. It didn't stay up long though. I haven't seen a couples photo since. My feeling is that she lived with her parents, and they were all catching flack from what happened to the great guy she was just engaged to? She's already with someone else? Which was probably a lot like the exH I replaced, and probably the guy he replaced, and so on and on... .

I'm pretty much over it now. I just like to put my story out there so you know lots of us were in the same boat, and not diagnosed crazy, but may foolish for staying with someone who could never be in a healthy relationship. It's just madness any way you slice it.

One positive thing is that I'm more careful with my love and have a better definition of love than when I met my ex. Love is more than a feeling/passion/whirlwind. Lasting love is a mature commitment in which you are comfortable even through the ups and downs of life, etc.