I've recently discovered that my wife of over 10 years has BPD, i've read around about BPD, I want to help her without making it worse for her, because thats all i seem to do. I understand that treatment is difficult, she has started to take measures to start coping, but i need to know what I'm supposed to do, I have no idea
You are in the right place and already have a head start by understanding what waverider said about not making it worse. Read the lessons on the right, they are an eye opener.
I think you will find you are not alone in your situation.