I don't know what Im supposed to do

[calafjc]

I've recently discovered that my wife of over 10 years has BPD, i've read around about BPD, I want to help her without making it worse for her, because thats all i seem to do.  I understand that treatment is difficult, she has started to take measures to start coping, but i need to know what I'm supposed to do, I have no idea

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

I've recently discovered that my wife of over 10 years has BPD, i've read around about BPD, I want to help her without making it worse for her, because thats all i seem to do.  I understand that treatment is difficult, she has started to take measures to start coping, but i need to know what I'm supposed to do, I have no idea

Welcome calafjc

It is a bit of a shock once you discover this Disorder and start to learn about it. Check this link out as a starter:

Before you can make anything better, you must stop making it worse

You can't fix your wife, but you can do a lot to make your life better and so provide a better platform from which she may build from.

Keep reading and posting any specific concerns you may have

Waverider

[Cole]

I've recently discovered that my wife of over 10 years has BPD, i've read around about BPD, I want to help her without making it worse for her, because thats all i seem to do.  I understand that treatment is difficult, she has started to take measures to start coping, but i need to know what I'm supposed to do, I have no idea

You are in the right place and already have a head start by understanding what waverider said about not making it worse. Read the lessons on the right, they are an eye opener. 

I think you will find you are not alone in your situation.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Calafjc, 

Welcome.  I understand how frustrating and difficult it is to cope with BPD behaviors.     As Waverider and Cole suggested, the lessons are truly your first step to improving your relationship. 

Treatment for a person with BPD (pwBPD) can be really difficult.  Retraining maladaptive coping mechanisms/behaviors that have been hardwired in a pwBPD's brain can take quite awhile. It is great that your pwBPD has started measures on coping.  I found that being supportive and validating my bf while he is currently working on his behaviors has been extremely helpful.  Here is some information on validation that has really helped me. 

Validation and BPD

Is your pwBPD currently being treated?