It's been 5 months as of today... feeling a touch of blue

[JRT]

I'm feeling a little bit blue today.

It's been 5 months since my exBPDfiance' and I broke up. I went out of town for work and she moved out and notified me by text after the fact. It was unprovoked by any incident and followed an otherwise very good 2 year relationship - not the classic BPD stormy r/s of arguments, lies and infidelity. She blocked me from contact with her via phone, text, email and social media and I have not heard from her at all since then. Attempts to contact her by phone were returned by the police and the threat of a PPO through an attorney. This is from a person with whom I almost never even disagreed with, treated with high respect and love and who I would have easily stood in front of a truck for until the day that she split me.

Meanwhile, I continue to get mail belonging to her son and she has refused to pick up some valuable property that I took to a storage facility for her to pick up without the potential of seeing me to get it. The stuff is still there and I shouldn't care about it but I want to do the right thing. She refused to acknowledge receipt of the instructions on how to retrieve her things so I don't know if she actually even knows its available!

My head knows that this is not a healthy person and should avoid her forever but my heart sometimes misses her/the situation.

Just venting to people who know the situation all too well.

[CloseToFreedom]

I know man, its been three months for me. I'm working on getting better but its been hard. I havent been to work for two weeks (they are aware I am depressed and are okay with that for now) and Im on anti depressives. Im trying to spend the days watching movies and going to the gym, all other activities I used to enjoy just trigger me, make me think of the relationship. Hell even my house makes me think of it as we lived here together.

Time heals. Its so cliche but its true. We just have to sit it out and eventually we'll get through it. Keep it up.

[rlhmm]

hey jrt... .i hear ya bro! but just try and remember... .that what you are missing is parts of yourself that she stole. you miss the illusion of what she was a reflection of you. NOT HER!    keep going! thanks for sharing!   

[apple2]

My head knows that this is not a healthy person and should avoid her forever but my heart sometimes misses her/the situation.

Just venting to people who know the situation all too well.

Hey JRT,

I know this situation, it is also my struggle. But compared to missing him, I have more fear of the drama my pwBPD created. Everything was good, we were ready to stand in front of a truck for them, and suddenly our world was destroyed, without even a reason. And they don't care about our feeling at all. I can't bear this anymore.

Even my emotion were there, my heart, my physical and mental health would be no more strong enough.

If I can't stop missing him, I would prefer to miss from a distance, instead of being back and playing with fire. I am warning myself everyday. Since even the good version of him returns, I don't know when I will be thrown into the emotional hell again. I can't spend my life like this with fear.

[JRT]

Hugs

[Mutt]

Hi JRT,

I'm sorry you went through that.

I think you did the right thing by taking her things to a storage facility. It's her choice to pick her things up or not pick her things up.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Are her son's mail triggers? Can you get the post office to forward it to the correct address?

[JRT]

Hi JRT,

I'm sorry you went through that.

I think you did the right thing by taking her things to a storage facility. It's her choice to pick her things up or not pick her things up.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Are her son's mail triggers? Can you get the post office to forward it to the correct address?

Thanks Mutt... .the thing about her stuff is that I sent her emails some that bounced back and some that did not as well as a snail mail to her job. She did not acknowledge that she received any of them. So far, the stuff is still there after nearly a month or so. The way that the storage place works, is if its not gone, then I pay for the next month. So I leave it there for another month or I go and pick it up and put it back in my basement (so I can look at it every day). Its just too valuable to throw away, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Meanwhile. I think that she knows all of this and knows that I would never throw it out.

As for his mail, I have been sending it to his step dad. But he was thrown out of his house and now lives with mom again. Since I have no idea where they live, I wouldn't know where to forward the mail. Notwithstanding, I think that I need to be THAT person to forward it anyway by the post office. Funny thing is that he is using his old address, not the new one where mom lives to apply for jobs. And he has used this address for some other purposes... .not sure whats up with that.

Meanwhile, this latest piece of mail tells me that the son has yet ANOTHER job from which he has been fired from. That makes 4 in the past 5 months. Mom must be freaking out and raging at him. I wonder if that is why I have not heard from her; she is in her happy place - son is home... .she is raging.  Funny how so much can be communicated with so little communicating.