Damage report.

[Vatz]

It seems a number of people who deal with borderlines tend to have some lingering damage afterward. Sometimes it lasts a while.

I noticed something. I kind of laugh at at now but something happened a couple days ago where I had an "aha" moment.

So I was seeing a friend of mine, and we were going to hang out in the city, have some late-night dinner. The passenger seat in her car was pretty far back. I sat in it, leaned back and rather than feeling relaxed (which is what I assume most people feel) I felt really tense. It took me a second but I realized where the feeling came from. I felt OPEN. Open to getting attacked or whatever. I was in a car, with a friend driving to dinner and somehow it just felt wrong. Sounds stupid, no? I mean, I put the seat up but that anxiety was totally irrational.

But the weirdness doesn't stop there. Later, after dinner she and I left the place and started going back to her car. Now, her car key was one of those where the key sort of popped out of the thing you hold it by. Like a switchblade. I say switchblade because as soon as I heard a *click* my eyes saw that little flash and I took a step back and was in a "ready" stance. There was NO REASON for this person to be pulling out a knife. I never even seen a switchblade up close, but the keys looked like a small blade and that was enough for whatever passes for my senses these days.

There were multiple occasions where I had to restrain my BPDex, and knives were involved. At the time, it was nothing. Just a slice of life.

Not to mention I've had to stop her from hurting herself in other ways. Once I saw her walk up to a window in her attic, and she was leaning out. I had a bad feeling about it, so when I saw her start getting up on the windowsill I pounced and managed to lock her limbs, and yes she struggled. Afterwards she thanked me. But there was no way I was risking her jumping. Also not only saw but had to respond when she had seizures. First time because only me and two other adults (her grandma and aunt) could respond, everyone else was either panicking or didn't know what to do. Second time we were alone. There were more, and one was really bad... .she just kept having these small ones while I took her through the subway and buses in a convoluted plan to get her to some meds, she refused to see a doctor and I ___ing complied like an idiot.

So anyway, is this what counts for PTSD? The weird reactions to otherwise normal occurrences and situations? Or is it something else? I'm sure folks here have seen worse and I guess I'd like some input.

As a side note, recently someone I spoke to at work described someone he had to drive to PT, and when he described the kid he also did these repeated gestures with his head to sort of show that the kid was "not all there," for some reason seeing this made my heart-rate go up and my breathing shallow for a second. I'm guessing there's something wrong with that.

So, all this aside... .

Has anyone here experienced violence, or dangerous situations with their BPD-SO? What effect did it have on you? Did you stay afterward or did you just leave the second things turned?

[Pingo]

Hi Vatz, it certainly does sound like PTSD to me.  That must have been horrifying going through what you went through with your ex.  I too have triggers that make me react before I even know what's going on. I think living under the constant strain and tension (walking on eggshells) for 4 yrs has done major damage to my brain. And the fact that I still cannot fully relax because I still sense he's not done with me slows my recovery, although I am a lot better than I was when we first split.  It's been 8 mths. I have a nervous tic that developed mid-way through our r/s and I can't seem to shake it. Also, anything loud like a car back firing or just something falling over in my house sends my adrenaline though the roof! I've also been coping with a next door neighbour who beats up his gf and I've had to phone the police several times. This is incredibly triggering for me.

I have been resistant to taking medication for my anxiety so I've been trying the mindfulness approach as I've read this can re-wire our brains to help us heal from PTSD... .I like yoga and walking meditations. I think it's helping but it's a snail's pace for sure!

[Michelle27]

Definitely sounds like PTSD to me.  I realized about a month ago that I am dealing with the same thing and it sucks.  Just seeing a certain set in my uBPDh's facial muscles or hearing about something that happened in his day that wasn't positive can cause my anxiety to rise and sometimes even make me want to flee before something bad happened.  While I work on my issues, I've had to place a boundary around dealing with dysregulations and my husband actually says he understands and will honor my boundary.  My boundary is that for now, when I see the beginnng of a dyregulataion (that set in his jaw that has always prefaced a rage), he needs to leave the house.  We have house keys of a friend who understands the situation and has agreed to open her house to either of us while we work on our marriage. 

I don't think this boundary of mine is set in stone, but I do know that for now, in order for me to heal, I need to feel safe and for now, having him away from me when he is dysregulating is necessary.  My understanding is these symptoms of PTSD will fade in time.  I am working on mindfulness and taking care of me.