Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 05:05:43 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
204
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: You call this an "apology"? Give me oxygen...  (Read 406 times)
going places
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 835



« on: March 03, 2015, 06:24:58 AM »

Back story:

My bff of 30+ years was the agent selling my home.

She is new at real estate, but she's my friend, and need the $$.

I RElisted with her after 6 months passed and it had not sold... .

I had a lot of questions.

She told me she does NOT get up before 11 am and WILL NOT talk to me before 11.

I work 2nd shift and cannot talk to her after 3pm.

So I tried to talk to her one night when I got off work (10pm) because she doesn't get to bed till 4 am... .

Well then she loses her mind and says "she's not working night and day for me"... .

IT all went down hill from there.

I had NO idea... .NO idea, she was gonna flip on me.

Then, she involved my ex... .telling him things, and not me, so he would email me asking what the hell is going on... .she forced me into a position of having to communicate with him.

To make a long story short, she flipped on me.

After we closed on the house, I have not spoken to her, texted or email her.

AT 1 AM I get the below text from her:

Can we kiss and make up?

Both of us have been under tremendous stress.

Had I known listing ur house would come between us I would have turned it down.

30+ years of us is not worth loosing over anything in this crappy world.

U r a part of me whether u ever speak to me again or not.

I know u and ur a libra self... .U need ur time... .I get that.

We've been going thru the same thing.

Except my house is goin thru foreclosure.

So I do understand.

There might not be a love lost towards these men but it still hurts because we have shattered dreams.

The ball is in ur court.

U know how to reach me.

Just know if you've written me off forever that I wish u and ur kids the very best n I will always love you.

Im sorry for my every mistake, I'm only human.

Big hug. Receive it at ur pace or not if you so choose

Peace, AA


1. this is not an apology. this is an insult to my intelligence.

2. she blamed me more than she 'apologized'.

3. this is the SAME kind of manipulative Bullspit my ex used to pull on me.

I will NOT respond to this text.

Once again, and I repeat, I absolutely HATE communicating via text.

It is a spineless, gutless, ballless way to handle things.

And it speaks volumes of the person sending the text.

No, No thank you.

I'd rather have NO friends than 'friends' like this.

Logged
Pingo
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 924



« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2015, 08:56:55 AM »

Have to agree with you going places, it wasn't an apology.  It was her trying to get out of taking any kind of responsibility for what happened. The only apology was saying she was sorry for her 'every mistake' but then defended it by the fact she's human... .so no accountability... .I can see why it reminds you of how your ex manipulated you.

It is tough losing your bff at the time when you needed her support the most. I went through the same thing last summer, a month separated from my uBPDex and my bff of 20 yrs basically dumped me because she disagreed with me and she didn't like that I stood my ground and stood up to her (apparently a big no-no). Sorry for what you are going through, it sucks!
Logged
Hope0807
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorcing & Living Apart
Posts: 417



« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2015, 11:14:06 AM »

Good for you!  My ex wrote and said stuff EXACTLY like that all the time.  I guess once we learn how to read between the lines of a disordered mind, we see everything and every one a whole lot clearer.

Very sad that your long-standing friendship had to come to such a screeching halt.  Kudos to your strength.
Logged
going places
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 835



« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2015, 12:40:40 PM »

I read that and thought: Are you even serious right now?

1 year ago, I would have jumped at the chance to make it all right, to accept that it was all my fault, and do whatever it took to keep 'my friend'.

Today?

I see through the Bullspit.

I can see how this "apology" is everything BUT an apology.

It's a laundry list of excuses.

It's an attempt to 'minimize' what I have been thru and actually ONE UP me.

It's an attempt to blame shift and dodge any personal responsibility.

Oh yeah, screw that.
Logged
hope2727
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1210



« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2015, 12:53:44 PM »

That is exactly the kind of letter I got from my friend. All excuses and minimization. Yuck. Just shovel your own poop for awhile. Sigh. It's all so sad.
Logged
Pingo
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 924



« Reply #5 on: March 03, 2015, 02:27:53 PM »

Going places, since this happened, have you reflected back on the friendship and seen dysfunction earlier on that you didn't see before? This is what happened to me. It wasn't until going through my BU and all the reading/therapy/self-reflection I've done to see that there were problems brewing in our friendship for quite a while. Like you, I wasn't willing to sweep stuff under the rug anymore in order to 'make things right'.
Logged
going places
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 835



« Reply #6 on: March 03, 2015, 10:00:47 PM »

Going places, since this happened, have you reflected back on the friendship and seen dysfunction earlier on that you didn't see before?

You know, she had a messed up childhood... .and her mom was/is a piece of work; but I never thought in a million years she would do me like she did... .

Excerpt
This is what happened to me. It wasn't until going through my BU and all the reading/therapy/self-reflection I've done to see that there were problems brewing in our friendship for quite a while. Like you, I wasn't willing to sweep stuff under the rug anymore in order to 'make things right'.

I feel like I am a magnet to some seriously jacked up people.

I don't know.

Maybe God is doing the big 'purge' in my life to make way for a better thing?

I don't know. I trust Him.

All I know is this: I gave the ex umteen second chances.

And the lesson I took away from that is this: Fool me once shame on you because there is no fool me twice, I've got crap to do, and no one's gonna be a boat anchor around my neck.

Logged
Pingo
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 924



« Reply #7 on: March 03, 2015, 11:02:03 PM »

Maybe God is doing the big 'purge' in my life to make way for a better thing?

I don't know. I trust Him.

I'd like to believe this too! I felt betrayed by my friend because she picked the time in my life that I needed her the most, to abandon me. I've really had to learn to take care of myself through all this, there is no one else that's going to do it.
Logged
downwhim
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 707



« Reply #8 on: March 04, 2015, 12:28:02 AM »

Going Places,

My bf since 5th grade pulled the same. While my ex and I were off and on again she decided to go back drinking after being sober for 17 years. I got to be her target again. She let me know that "she wasn't going to be as messed up as I am with my relationship on and off again." She went into a screaming rage at me because her marriage was in trouble and she then decided it was time to come after me.

It has been about 3 years since I have really talked to her. I totally eliminated her from my life. It helped because she and her husband moved to Hawaii but even so, I was not going to play her game of accusations and not being there for me but judging me.

I hear you. Friends should be there for you. But, I feel too no one except those on these boards has any idea of the pain I have suffered. Until you have a BPD as your ex you cannot truly understand.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!