Was telling her I wont take her back right?

[22years]

My BPD wife and I have been legally separated for 13 months. We had been married for 22 years before she left me. This site has been unbelievably helpful to me. I had actually created my own vocabulary and terms to describe her behavior so it was beyond relief to discover all these nutty behaviors converged to a point with a name - BPD.

     About a year before she left me I knew she was having an affair but didnt get the last piece of full proof info til right after Christmas. I stuck with our horrible marriage bc I was trying to keep our family together despite her behavior (I had do e it for 22 years) but after she left things became so much better It was shocking. She is full of rage, emotional swings, I hate you, why are you looking at me that way, etc... .

     I went through my own suffering after getting the last piece of info on her affair. Being pretty sure and being completely sure can be quite different. I held my piece until yesterday. She called me to tell me this wonderful thing that happened to her at Church and I cracked. I told her I knew she had an affair, the guy, the details, etc... .She didnt deny the details but denied that she had sex. Ok. Whatever. She actually asked me where we stood. I told her "I will never take you back after you have been with a other man when you were married to me. I am divorcing you. This marriage is over." I told her not to tell me any more of her spiritual experiences because i dont need advise on spiritual living from a cheating spouse. I told her I didnt want to talk with her about anything except the kids and our divorce.

Now I worry about her retaliation with the kids. I wonder if I should have just divorced her without telling her I knew she had cheated in order to keep her calm and not become enraged on the kids. She also has a history of using the kids as pawns.

[Mutt]

Hi 22years,

I wonder if I should have just divorced her without telling her I knew she had cheated in order to keep her calm and not become enraged on the kids.

I'm sorry your going through this.

What type of spiritual advise is she giving?

How often do you talk?