End of the road

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi - I've lurked on the board for a while. My wife of 5 years has BPD. We have a 3 year old son. I'm so tired of the accusations, the complaints, the paranoia,  the helplessness. I'm angry and resentful of all the things she's done. I finally reached the point where I don't love her enough to stay anymore. I want to save my son, and save myself from the life I see unfolding for us if we continue to stay.

Of course I wish she would get better, but at the same time it doesn't really matter to me anymore. I just want an out. I'm past the point of fixing her, and I'm ready to separate and divorce on the most favorable terms to myself and my son as possible. That's why I'm here, to learn how to separate and heal.

Thank you

[hegrid]

Hi - I've lurked on the board for a while. My wife of 5 years has BPD. We have a 3 year old son. I'm so tired of the accusations, the complaints, the paranoia,  the helplessness. I'm angry and resentful of all the things she's done. I finally reached the point where I don't love her enough to stay anymore. I want to save my son, and save myself from the life I see unfolding for us if we continue to stay.

Of course I wish she would get better, but at the same time it doesn't really matter to me anymore. I just want an out. I'm past the point of fixing her, and I'm ready to separate and divorce on the most favorable terms to myself and my son as possible. That's why I'm here, to learn how to separate and heal.

Thank you

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[tjay933]

welcome to the posting side of the site.

I feel for you. 

have you read the book "splitting". I've heard great things about it for those divorcing a pwBPD. it's never an easy decision to make and harder with a child as well. the best thing is to be prepared. have your ducks in a row as it were. expect anything and rejoice in small steps.

we're here for you. 

[ColdEthyl]

Hello and welcome! I'm sorry it has come down to this for you.     

You might find more help on the leaving board... .this one is generally for those of us staying https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=8.0

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, hegrid &

I'm so sorry for the frustration, sadness and stress you are dealing with, and know just how difficult and painful a relationship with someone with BPD can be... .Especially with a child involved, it's always wise to try to figure out how to do the right thing for everyone. Please check out the links I'm mentioning, below, before posting on the Leaving Board, hegrid... .

I know you are thinking of leaving your wife, but if you are still living with her as Husband and Wife, a great place to start in order to understand her disorder and to figure out how to deal with it is to check out every single link to the right-hand side of this page. The Lessons and the other links will give you a great primer on how your wife's mind works, and what you can do to make things between the 2 of you better--whether you stay or leave, doing that can only benefit your situation, for you and your child (and your wife).

Have you checked out the Feature Articles located under the 4 photos at the top of the Staying Board's thread listing page? Every one of them is perfect for learning what you need right now to figure out what to do and how to do it, and I highly recommend What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship to you to read while you are figuring out your next step.

Since you are still part of this relationship, learning what you can to stop making things worse between the 2 of you--whether you will ever be able to see things get better enough for you to eventually stay or not--will be helpful to not only you and your wife, but also your child