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Author Topic: Would we have found this site if they weren't BPD?  (Read 390 times)
Reecer1588
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 396



« on: March 11, 2015, 02:00:29 PM »

 

Well, guys, I guess part of the reason I am writing this is because I'm struggling.

As many of you know, my story goes like this : Meet high school sweetheart > fall madly in love> 1 year passes in love > Break up with her first (because she is just squeezing the life out of me with constant texts, pushing me away from my family, friends, my family putting pressure on me) > Begs me to stay friends, I comply > Oh my God turmoil what in God's name is wrong with her, wrong with me? > What the hell just happened now I got campus police from her school calling me telling me that "she just wants you to leave her the hell alone >Search the internet for answers, just plug in some stuff she said/did >  Find bpdfamily.com, can not believe it, it's like she's followed the textbook of a 'BPD Hermit' > Find the answers but still struggling > Here I am.


Point being, I couldn't have imagined finding this website 1 year ago. It TOOK her doing what she did, it took me doing what I did back, in order to search out answers.

And honestly, I don't think I would've landed on this site and become a prolific user/writer were there not something REAL about it. If I hadn't DISCOVERED something real.

What are your thoughts on this?
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Reecer1588
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 396



« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2015, 02:02:18 PM »

Questions:

How can she make me feel like a crazy stalker/harasser? (It's been over a month of deafening silence now)

Why does she want absolutely nothing to do with me?
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Deeno02
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« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2015, 02:09:07 PM »

I knew nothing about this ailment until after she dumped me. I had a good friend of mine who read my journal entries and said" what do you know about BPD/NPD?" and she recommended I look it up. Ding! found this wonderful site and a couple others that have helped me immensly through this difficult time. Im so much better than I was 7 months ago, but I still struggle a bit.
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Deeno02
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« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2015, 02:12:36 PM »

Questions:

How can she make me feel like a crazy stalker/harasser? (It's been over a month of deafening silence now)

Why does she want absolutely nothing to do with me?

Because your the bad guy. Read these posts. I swear they all follow the same manual. Some say its guilt, some say its hate, some say it stems from childhood traumas. Im not sure, but I'll be damned if they dont follow similar lines of thought and behavior. Please go over the lessons. They are so informative. Read them again if you must. I have read them at least 3 times. It becomes clear as your out of the FOG.
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WhatTheFrank
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« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2015, 07:35:29 PM »

There's no way I would have found this site.  I had no idea BPD even existed until I moved out after one month of moving in with her, and her second suicide attempt.  That's when googling some of the symptoms shed light on what we were dealing with.  We were broken up for a month before I got drawn back in, and I moved back in two months after that.  Hmm, where's the emoticon for sucker.  So I went back in for another year after surmising she was afflicted   I think she knew I constantly had one foot out the door, which is why she sought out someone else in the end.

I have to say, I do like this site more than some of the other sites about BPD, which are very biased and anti-BPD.  They treat BPD as monsters instead of sick people.  And I don't need every other word capitalized/italicized/underlined for emphasis Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).
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jhkbuzz
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« Reply #5 on: March 11, 2015, 07:51:54 PM »

I spent the year before we broke up thinking she might have Dissociative Identity Disorder... .there seemed to be different "personalities." We even talked about them as she started therapy - little M, teenage M, her 'adult' self - plus a few others that I noticed.  Not everything "fit" with her being DID though (no memory loss, for example), so I kept reading.

I found information about BPD but at first I thought... .nah, there's no outward raging and no self harm. Can't be that. Then I stumbled across information about BPD waifs and it was like, oh... .about a dozen 300 watt light bulbs went off at the same time.  She moved out and the things she did over the next several months just confirmed it.

Thank god for this site... .
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tjay933
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« Reply #6 on: March 11, 2015, 08:19:20 PM »

if they weren't BPD, we would have no need of this site 
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gonein60seconds

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« Reply #7 on: March 11, 2015, 08:29:31 PM »

I've been reading threads on this site for several months and it was here that I found out that it's quite common for BPD's to trash a great relationship (never fought... .definite female waif) to pursue a married man. There are so many stories here that are so similar to mine! She is undiagnosed, but in the end she is either a horrible human being or suffers from BPD.

This is my first post/reply, so I have yet to share my story. I'm 5 months out and still bothered by the cruel, silent cut-off from a person who told me she loves me more often than all others in my life combined. I've never had such a hard time getting over a relationship.
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tjay933
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« Reply #8 on: March 11, 2015, 08:37:50 PM »

gone in 60 seconds:

you haven't posted here before so let me say "welcome to the family" 

thank you for posting and we hope to hear more from you. 
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JRT
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« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2015, 12:03:51 AM »

I've been reading threads on this site for several months and it was here that I found out that it's quite common for BPD's to trash a great relationship (never fought... .definite female waif) to pursue a married man. There are so many stories here that are so similar to mine! She is undiagnosed, but in the end she is either a horrible human being or suffers from BPD.

This is my first post/reply, so I have yet to share my story. I'm 5 months out and still bothered by the cruel, silent cut-off from a person who told me she loves me more often than all others in my life combined. I've never had such a hard time getting over a relationship.

60

our stories are very similar both in how we found this site and in how our r/s ended... .mine painted me black overnight and  moved out of my house just 3 weeks after she moved in while I was out of town. She notified me via text and blocked me from contact. I have not spoken to her in 6 months.

You are in a good place and i hope that these forums are helpful to you in feeling better.
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JRT
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« Reply #10 on: March 12, 2015, 12:17:24 AM »

Reecer

The distortion campaign justifies their behavior. They have to explain themselves and their actions to others so that there is no judgement that is directed at them. So they say what they want, even better if it is based on something factual but it doesn't have to be and frequently isn't. I know that mine is telling folks that I am the one with mental issues, her son is referring to me to a common friend as a 'psycho'. It is VERY common for them to insist that us non's are the ones with mental problems. She is also selling the idea that I, somehow, did not care about her and I can only imagine the associated tales of cruelty and suffering at the hands of barbaric JRT!

On Xmas eve, I called her from an unblocked hotel phone. She hung up right after I said hello but she called the local cops and told them that I am a stalker. Nice huh?  She also threatened to file a PPO against me right after her disappearing act when I attempted to contact her via phone and email the DAY that she broke up with me!

Its all believable to outsiders and they might even have convinced themselves as well. It makes all of their crazy actions appear to be perfectly rational, 'She broke up with Reecer because Reecer is a crazy stalker and she was in imminent danger if she remained with him'... .or fill in the blank. I mean really: when does anyone ask hard questions when someone talks about their breakup or divorce? My ex-wife used to tell people that I was an alcoholic. It was definitely not true but people just accepted it without poking around too much if at all. It was an effective tool for her to deflect blame and judgement away from her even though it was pure fantasy.

This forum is filled with these anecdotes... .its really very sickening actually.

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ta777

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« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2015, 07:26:02 AM »

I found this site because of me being confused and seeking answers on both reddit and another relationship forum. I had explained in great detail everything that happened at the end of my relationship and some of the behaviors she was showing and people began to respond. At first they said on reddit that she was a narcissist because of the projection. I didn't know what they meant by narcissist at the time, I thought maybe it was just a normal person who was horrible but they were talking about NPD. Later on I went to a relationship forum and that is when a member said that she had exhibited many traits of a pwBPD. Other people agreed. They recommended I visit this site because after doing some research on BPD on that forum and online I was astonished to find that she fit the profile too well. Before all this, I hadn't known about any of the PDs, but I did know that mental illness ran in my uBPDexgf's family (bipolar). Both her mom and brother were diagnosed bipolar and then after reading about the link between BPD and bipolar I began to believe she did have a mental illness of some kind.

And that is how I found bpdfamily and I am glad / thankful those people on reddit and loveshack were able to lead me here.
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