Was your BPDex ever happy or content for any length of time?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Was sorting through things today with my T and thought about my dBPDex saying "all my life happiness has always eluded me" and wondering if any of you had ever heard similar from your BPD ex? Could any of them ever sustain a level of happiness or contenent?

[FlSunshineGirl]

Was sorting through things today with my T and thought about my dBPDex saying "all my life happiness has always eluded me" and wondering if any of you had ever heard similar from your BPD ex? Could any of them ever sustain a level of happiness or contenent?

[ta777]

Mine said she had been happy for so long before she "caught" me using Instagram (she didn't let me use Instagram because of her insecurities). We hadn't really had any big fights in a while and things seemed calm. Thing is she had already been cheating on me and looking for my replacement before she said this so it doesn't make sense. I'm going to assume she wasn't happy at all despite what she said or maybe she was just happy because she was looking for my replacement?   

[JRT]

As far as she told me or inferred, the entire r/s... .except the recycles.

[Reecer1588]

Ya mine seemed to be really happy and deeply in love with me. That's why even a little one month out, her ruining our whole relationship as well as making things so hopeless for us... .well it still hurts very much.

[sun seeker]

   

  In hind sight no... A happy person doesn't ack like my exBPDgf .

  She would always say she was happy , and when i was in the fog i wanted to belive her. But      nope cant believe she was happy for more than a fleeting moment. (At best)

   

[jhkbuzz]

I thought she was happy in our r/s for a long time... .but as we started having difficulties in the r/s (several years in), she began bringing up things that bothered her from the very beginning of the r/s.  Things she didn't make a big deal of at the time.  I very quickly realized that these things had been piling up - and her deeply hurtful passive-aggressive behavior was the result.

So I'd have to answer that question by saying that I really don't know.

That seems to be my default answer for everything related to my ex these days.

[FlSunshineGirl]

Having a revelation here. Listening to mine talk about how he's always worn masks and happiness always eluded him even when he had a great (from what I consider great knowing this ex of his was really a very good girl) relationship, a house where he lived with her, a nice car and a job and still wasn't happy.

And how he told me he was so content with me and had times where he seemed really happy... .I wonder if he would (or is) tell the next person he wasn't happy with me?

[Jack2727]

My ex didn't become happy until she drained me dry. It's so funny how when I entered the relationship I was the upbeat and positive person. She spent six months eroded it away and left me empty. Now her life is great! LOL

[paperlung]

No. For every "good day" she had, there were 3 or 4 bad ones.

[HappyNihilist]

Was sorting through things today with my T and thought about my dBPDex saying "all my life happiness has always eluded me" and wondering if any of you had ever heard similar from your BPD ex? Could any of them ever sustain a level of happiness or contenent?

My exBPDbf often said the same thing. Just a month ago, in an email, he said, "the stars will never align for me to find happiness."   

He admitted to periods of happiness and contentment in his past, but nothing sustained. He claimed that I made him happy (even after the b/u), but who knows? He did seem happy most of the time we were together, and we had a lot of fun times, but I also know that I have little idea about what goes on beneath his surface.

I don't think anyone, BPD or not, can sustain happiness or contentment without accepting that it must come first from oneself, not from external sources. But given the emotional turmoil of BPD, it's especially difficult for borderlines. Looking inside often brings them pain and shame, so they are always looking externally for fulfillment and validation.

What about you, Sunshine? Were you happy and content in the relationship?

[sun seeker]

 Hi fl sunshine

Im a flman. Its been beautiful here. Yea im Starting to enjoy these kinds of things again.(the weather etc.)  Wish I had an answer to what your exBPD is telling people. Ive pondered this for months to no  avail.  (Its normal to think about this stuff) What i do know these things wont matter at all in do time. I promise.  (Ive made it to this point thankfully)

 

I know I will never forget her and the love I know I had for her. I still think of her sometimes , it is getting less and less every month. It doesnt cross my mind if she ever loved me anymore (I  knew I was being real) in the end thats all that matters to me is  I did my best thats all anyone in this world can ask/expect from us. Yea I made mistakes with expressing my disgust in a brutally honest way. Hey im human we all make mistakes this one way we learn. (Holy crap i did I learn alot.

 When you reach forgiveness.  Its like the weight of the world is off your chest . Hang in there girl we are all.rooting for you

[rlhmm]

Was sorting through things today with my T and thought about my dBPDex saying "all my life happiness has always eluded me" and wondering if any of you had ever heard similar from your BPD ex? Could any of them ever sustain a level of happiness or contenent?

to be honest, after almost 3 years and almost married to my exdBPDgf, i have no idea... .i realize i didnt know her at all. not in the least!   since she mirrored me so well... .i can say i was happy for a time until she started unravelling... .thats all i know, and can be sure of.

[going places]

Contentment?

No. He was never content. There is no such thing as "enough". He was the Dead Sea. Always taking never giving. Always had to have the newest latest greatest, and if he didn't get it he pouted.

Happy?

He was happy when he got his way.

He was happy when he was "sneaking around playing the bad boy part".

He was happy when his sports teams won.

He has no joy. His "happy" is a temporal, surface, circumstantial feeling. And it never lasted long, because it was never 'enough'.

I would watch him sit and eat a whole pizza; not offering a slice to anyone else... .then tell me "it tasted so good, I just couldn't stop". He would be miserable afterwards, sometimes even get up in the middle of the night and puke. But it was like a switch flipped in his brain and nothing in the world existed except his pleasure and desire to eat every single slice.

Hind sight is so 20/20

[downwhim]

You know how you just want to be goofy happy sometimes, this would irritate my ex. He would say he was happy and he loved me a lot, we had some great vacations together until he started to sabotage them.

Let's see what made him happy?

The Steelers winning.

Watching any type of football.

My dog.

Bbqing in the summer.

Taking the rv on the road.

Me.

Opps I forgot he dumped me. He must be miserable then and will never be happy again

[FlSunshineGirl]

At the beginning yes, but towards the end when the most dysfunction was going on, NO way!

[dobie]

For moments she was for hours sometimes but for most of it she was neutral or anxious / complaining

She used to say " I can't be happy in case it doesn't last "

[JRT]

'Neutral'... .interesting! Can I change my response to 'neutral'?

[raisins3142]

I had an ex before her that was hypercritical (would criticize that I only put $20 in MY gas tank instead of filling it up all the way, etc).

My uBPDexgf stated that there were things about me that I did that bothered her but she was trying very hard to suppress them, but they would come out she said.  She also stated that she did not expect any relationship to last, not even ours at the time.

Her baseline, like all BPDs, was wretched.  When she was getting attention or something good happened or she had the right amount to drink, etc. she was temporarily happy and distracted.  I think with BPDs the idea that familiarity breeds contempt is taken to the extreme. I can't imagine her being with someone on a regular basis and really knowing them and still liking them.  I think she did that with one previous female roommate.  Everyone else she was often mean toward, unless she hardly saw them or wanted to impress them or knew they would walk if she was not nice.

[Whichwayisup]

When she was getting attention or something good happened or she had the right amount to drink, etc. she was temporarily happy and distracted. 

That point about the right amount to drink has just triggered something in me that I hadn't realised... .I met my ex while we both worked at a pub and gradually over the years she started drinking less as we had moved onto other jobs, growing family etc. whilst I would drink at home, more to find a release from the stressors... .(whilst not alcoholic levels by any means) in the last few years I would be told that she didn't need to drink to have a good time (the irony I can now see clearly), she seemed to imply that I would try to get her drunk so we could enjoy being with each other - I look back and think there was probably subconsciously a lot to that sentiment!   She actually relaxed and became a great person to be with after a few drinks... .much more and the entitlement or victim elements were revealed... .

And to chalk up, no I don't think she was ever truly happy for anymore than fleeting times, which is why I thought my role was to stay and make it so... .we all learn valuable lessons don't we?  I'm happier away from it and know I am in a much healthier place despite all the additional concerns.

Regards,

Whichwayisup

[nowwhatz]

Maybe when we were having a lot of good sex.  anywhere from 20 minutes to several hours... .and less frequent the longer we stayed together.

Outside of that... .no... .never.   Can't remember her being happy or content.

[dobie]

She was always unhappy about something , she used to say I can't be happy in case it does not last   after work was sorted and she made new friends I brought the brunt of her unhappiness I was "at fault " .

She had the cheek to say she had never been happy in the six years we were together implying I'm to blame ... .

Yes its all my fault and it all everyone else's fault you don't have lots of friends , never got promoted at work etc


Last year she told me her happiest moment was being at a bon -jovi concert so that's what she is doing now the child she is out with the girls , drinking and going to concerts "so she can find herself " as she put it


Dating god knows who to boot .

God I loathe her and at the same time I miss her like crazy .

[psynp33]

My ex said, "You have no idea how hard it is for me to be happy" when she was blaming me for not knowing what her needs were.

She said, "I will never tell you what I want or need. If you truly love someone, you'll do your best and then I'll know."