so annoyed with myself

[dobie]

OK so after my undiagBPDfiance devalued me and cast me off I have on occasion drunk texted her . I ended up drunk emailing her last night as we both blocked each other on FB she blocked me on her phone after the last drunk texts.  (I wish I could forget her email Addy) I feel like such a chump this woman discarded me with little to no remorse kindness or compassion after nearly 7 years and I'm sending her heartfelt stuff just so she can have even more power than she already does !

She of course either ignores all texts , acts like a victim or spews her anger .

Urghh I feel so annoyed with myself apart from not getting drunk and having more self control how can I stop myself from losing even more of my dignity on this women ?

:'(

[Loosestrife]

You are only human - forgive yourself. Draw a line under it now and try to move on. Perhaps hit the gym and ditch the drinking and detach from your electronic devices  for a while 

[maxen]

hi dobie.

this woman discarded me with little to no remorse kindness or compassion after nearly 7 years and I'm sending her heartfelt stuff just so she can have even more power than she already does !

very good insight there. btw, my w blindsided me after 7 years of marriage and when i poured out to her she said "i have received your note but i am not going to read it." so i'm no champion in the self-control department. when i wrote to her i think i was trying to get validation, or explanation, or some indication that in her mind i was not just a punching bag but a fully existing human being. but in her mind i was just a punching bag and not a fully existing human being. i can say that now, but i was in a fury of pain too when i was in your position a year and a half ago.

you know what the power dynamic is. do you think you can keep that in mind if you're tempted to write again?

[dobie]

hi dobie.

this woman discarded me with little to no remorse kindness or compassion after nearly 7 years and I'm sending her heartfelt stuff just so she can have even more power than she already does !

very good insight there. btw, my w blindsided me after 7 years of marriage and when i poured out to her she said "i have received your note but i am not going to read it." so i'm no champion in the self-control department. when i wrote to her i think i was trying to get validation, or explanation, or some indication that in her mind i was not just a punching bag but a fully existing human being. but in her mind i was just a punching bag and not a fully existing human being. i can say that now, but i was in a fury of pain too when i was in your position a year and a half ago.

you know what the power dynamic is. do you think you can keep that in mind if you're tempted to write again?

Thanks maxen so sorry to hear you had the same thing with your xwife  

No never heard of the "power dynamic "

[Mike-X]

OK so after my undiagBPDfiance devalued me and cast me off I have on occasion drunk texted her . I ended up drunk emailing her last night as we both blocked each other on FB she blocked me on her phone after the last drunk texts.  (I wish I could forget her email Addy) I feel like such a chump this woman discarded me with little to no remorse kindness or compassion after nearly 7 years and I'm sending her heartfelt stuff just so she can have even more power than she already does !

She of course either ignores all texts , acts like a victim or spews her anger .

Urghh I feel so annoyed with myself apart from not getting drunk and having more self control how can I stop myself from losing even more of my dignity on this women ?

:'(

Have you accepted that she has a mental disorder?

Why are you upset with yourself for experiencing this loss? Shouldn't you feel hurt, angry, etc.?

[dobie]

OK so after my undiagBPDfiance devalued me and cast me off I have on occasion drunk texted her . I ended up drunk emailing her last night as we both blocked each other on FB she blocked me on her phone after the last drunk texts.  (I wish I could forget her email Addy) I feel like such a chump this woman discarded me with little to no remorse kindness or compassion after nearly 7 years and I'm sending her heartfelt stuff just so she can have even more power than she already does !

She of course either ignores all texts , acts like a victim or spews her anger .

Urghh I feel so annoyed with myself apart from not getting drunk and having more self control how can I stop myself from losing even more of my dignity on this women ?

:'(

Have you accepted that she has a mental disorder?

Why are you upset with yourself for experiencing this loss? Shouldn't you feel hurt, angry, etc.?

I don't know for sure if she has mike she is undiag she has a lot of cluster b traits for sure .

Hurt and anger are my constant companions bro

[maxen]

No never heard of the "power dynamic "

i only meant what you referred to yourself:

I'm sending her heartfelt stuff just so she can have even more power than she already does !

so if you feel you're giving her more power by writing to her, could you use that awareness not to write to her? by not writing, you're keeping a measure of control over your situation.

[dobie]

No never heard of the "power dynamic "

i only meant what you referred to yourself:

I'm sending her heartfelt stuff just so she can have even more power than she already does !

so if you feel you're giving her more power by writing to her, could you use that awareness not to write to her? by not writing, you're keeping a measure of control over your situation.

In six months I've contacted her four times always while drunk ... I need to delete the email app off my phone when I drink .