so i made the mistake of telling her i suspected BPD in her...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Oh my now that was a bad move (i thought i was being understanding and truthful) yep i realise it was wrong but she had actually seen it herself a month or 2 before after doing a online psych test... .ho hum... she said in a raging text after seperation 'most psychologists spend years at uni etc to make a diagnosis what makes you a expert!'... my reply '4 years of living with you'... .sorry couldnt help myself   

[mitatsu]

Oh my now that was a bad move (i thought i was being understanding and truthful) yep i realise it was wrong but she had actually seen it herself a month or 2 before after doing a online psych test... .ho hum... she said in a raging text after seperation 'most psychologists spend years at uni etc to make a diagnosis what makes you a expert!'... my reply '4 years of living with you'... .sorry couldnt help myself   

[hope2727]

oh wow!  Thank you so much. I needed to hear that. Its exactly how I feel. Years of living in BPD hell gives us a Pht ... pulled heart through. Anyway I am glad you are ok. She will recover or maybe not but you did what you needed to do for you. I wish I was able to do the same.

[rjones91]

she said in a raging text after seperation 'most psychologists spend years at uni etc to make a diagnosis what makes you a expert!'... my reply '4 years of living with you'... .sorry couldnt help myself   

Now that was truly hilarious. Don't mean to laugh but this tickled me 

[clydegriffith]

I confronted the BPDx about this when we were still together and she broke down crying saying she's known something is wrong with her for a while and put on the tears. Now whenever i tell her she has a mental disorder she just says that i'm the one with BPD .

[Maternus]

Now whenever i tell her she has a mental disorder she just says that i'm the one with BPD .

I had a similar experience with my brother, after I told him, I think he's a narcissist. Since that day every time I say or do something that doesn't fit in his stuff, he calls me a narcissist. I have to add, that I didn't blame him of being a pwNPD. It was my reaction to his statement, that he thinks he's a psychopath. He said "Sometimes I think I'm a psychopath. I like it, you need to be psychopathic in this world." My answer was "No, I don't think you're a psychopath. You show some narcissistic traits sometimes, but come on - you, a psychopath?" 

[Gonzalo]

I really wanted so much for her to get help, and thought that if she could just see it and get help then she could really BE the wonderful partner I kept seeing glimpses of. I didn't say BPD specifically to her, but in the breakup I gave her a 'last chance' where I said that it's obvious she has some major issues, and that I was willing to stay and help her if she would admit it and get into therapy for her. She, of course, did not believe me, and still thinks the only problem in the relationship was my unrealistic expectations and bad communication skills. After the split, she saw a comment from me on a board we both frequent about how some behaviors (shouting at someone for hours) might be a sign of a serious issue like borderline personality disorder, and had a bit of a freakout about it.

[tjay933]

mitatsu- in case you didn't already figure it out-telling a pwBPD you think they have BPD usually gets the same response as you got. my BPD did the same when another relative told him (I knew not to and tried to explain to the relative about not but he just had to). even down to they type of response he gave to the relative that you got from her. don't be surprised when she tells everyone that you have BPD now.

stay safe. 

[mitatsu]

mitatsu- in case you didn't already figure it out-telling a pwBPD you think they have BPD usually gets the same response as you got. my BPD did the same when another relative told him (I knew not to and tried to explain to the relative about not but he just had to). even down to they type of response he gave to the relative that you got from her. don't be surprised when she tells everyone that you have BPD now.

stay safe. 

to be fair i do/did have issues myself (think i was somewhat narc and deffo co-dependant) i said it in a way i thought was gentle (hey i understand your condition and i'm here for you) but yep your right it was a bad thing to do but by then i'd reached breaking point with huge frustration... as i read on a forum somewhere... .under all her toxic sludge is the beautiful woman i fell for and glimpsed oh so fleetingly... .will post a new thread later with 'my story' take care and if you promise to die for someone get worried if they want you to do that every day x

[JRT]

As I understand it, doing this usually has an unwanted effect as you describe with the added (curious) consequence of the pwBPD of accusing a non of what they have - it does not good. Although I have not spoke with my ex since we b/u., I hear through the grapevine that her son is referring to me saw 'psycho'. I was amused to hear that... .

[mitatsu]

No it's not a good idea... like i say i thought i was being understanding but it seems to be the ultimate betrayal/hurt you can inflict i did'nt mean it that way but i was at breaking point (my own fault/weakness) i was desperate to show i understood her (co-dependant mode on) to save any more rages to be the 'perfect' partner after so many had let her down... .(sound familiar?) anyhoo my reply to her text rant was tongue in cheek as i had left 2 weeks before and went nc and tried to get her to talk thru a 3rd party for collection of stuff etc which was met with more rage as i was being 'child like' not talking to my 'wife' so she turned on the 3rd party then spent 2 weeks texting accusations questions asking to stay friends etc and when i politely refused she threatend suicide so i said she should see her GP or seek prof help so agian she turned so the following night i got drunk and to my shame i gave her what for via text ... .now she's gone nc so at least that seemed to work