PwBPD really do think/obsess about us after the relationship ends...

[Depression = 72% of members]

I've often struggled with whether or not my ex thinks about me since I walked away from the relationship 7 months ago (after 16 months) today as a result of months of silent treatment (when together) and inwardly-focused rages and mood swings.

My situation is unique because we still work for the same company, but different departments. She's a loner at work which is the opposite of me. During the past 7 months, I'd have moments of regret or empathy and try to reach out, ie, a short text every couple of weeks or leaving her favorite treats in her office. Neither garnered a response and I expected as much.

She has been minorly cyberstalking at work for months which hasn't bothered me. I am always intrigued to see her sign in online at work at 1 & 2 a.m. (and quickly sign off) when I'm online working because she knows I like to work late. Foolish of me to think of her actions as a sign that she misses me.Ha!

Lately, our paths have crossed a lot lately at work, but we don't speak. Her usual is to quickly whisk by without eye contact. The last time she whisked by she was walking with her boss and dramatically moved away from me and dropped her head. It was so dramatic and awkward that her boss even looked puzzled. I sent her a short text later that day and basically told her that "I would cease trying to connect with random texts and treats since judging by her reactions to seeing me, my actions were making her uncomfortable although that wasn't my intention".

Saw her a week later. She was walking with her boss. Saw me and gave me direct eye contact and held it. Her expression was sweet and welcoming. I looked away... .

Since I sent that last text 6 weeks ago, when our paths cross, ie, I'm on her floor or she's on mine, it's like I'm on her radar. She makes it a point to walk by and  stare at me if I'm in a meeting on her floor. If she has a meeting on my floor, she zeros in on me and stands outside my office having discussions even after her meeting has ended.

Last week, I was in a conference room on her floor, and she heard my voice. As I sat in my meeting, I noticed her leave her office and walk into someone's office just so she could stare at me from like 8-10 yards away! And when my meeting was over, she made it a point to be standing outside her office talking to her boss and looking in my direction when I was leaving.

A couple of weeks ago, I left for the day early during her meeting that was right across from my office. She watched me leave with my laptop. She called in sick the following 2 days.

It's as if she upped the ante since I sent that text. The intensity has kicked in. During our time together, we were always in "intensity" mode because she could not express her feelings and needs and would shutdown and go into silent mode.

Anyway, I started to worry about her with all the eratic behavior lately and wanted to somehow let her know that I was "there" so, I sent a text last night that simply said, "Hey"... .Not sure if I expected or wanted a response, but so far there hasn't been one. And I'm quite comfortable with that... .maybe the text was enough to soothe her... .

So, while each person is different, YES some pwBPD do think about their exes... .maybe it has to do with how much they love the ex or the connection. My relationship wasn't volatile or explosive or nasty... .just quietly emotional and intense... .

sixthsense

[sixthsense]

I've often struggled with whether or not my ex thinks about me since I walked away from the relationship 7 months ago (after 16 months) today as a result of months of silent treatment (when together) and inwardly-focused rages and mood swings.

My situation is unique because we still work for the same company, but different departments. She's a loner at work which is the opposite of me. During the past 7 months, I'd have moments of regret or empathy and try to reach out, ie, a short text every couple of weeks or leaving her favorite treats in her office. Neither garnered a response and I expected as much.

She has been minorly cyberstalking at work for months which hasn't bothered me. I am always intrigued to see her sign in online at work at 1 & 2 a.m. (and quickly sign off) when I'm online working because she knows I like to work late. Foolish of me to think of her actions as a sign that she misses me.Ha!

Lately, our paths have crossed a lot lately at work, but we don't speak. Her usual is to quickly whisk by without eye contact. The last time she whisked by she was walking with her boss and dramatically moved away from me and dropped her head. It was so dramatic and awkward that her boss even looked puzzled. I sent her a short text later that day and basically told her that "I would cease trying to connect with random texts and treats since judging by her reactions to seeing me, my actions were making her uncomfortable although that wasn't my intention".

Saw her a week later. She was walking with her boss. Saw me and gave me direct eye contact and held it. Her expression was sweet and welcoming. I looked away... .

Since I sent that last text 6 weeks ago, when our paths cross, ie, I'm on her floor or she's on mine, it's like I'm on her radar. She makes it a point to walk by and  stare at me if I'm in a meeting on her floor. If she has a meeting on my floor, she zeros in on me and stands outside my office having discussions even after her meeting has ended.

Last week, I was in a conference room on her floor, and she heard my voice. As I sat in my meeting, I noticed her leave her office and walk into someone's office just so she could stare at me from like 8-10 yards away! And when my meeting was over, she made it a point to be standing outside her office talking to her boss and looking in my direction when I was leaving.

A couple of weeks ago, I left for the day early during her meeting that was right across from my office. She watched me leave with my laptop. She called in sick the following 2 days.

It's as if she upped the ante since I sent that text. The intensity has kicked in. During our time together, we were always in "intensity" mode because she could not express her feelings and needs and would shutdown and go into silent mode.

Anyway, I started to worry about her with all the eratic behavior lately and wanted to somehow let her know that I was "there" so, I sent a text last night that simply said, "Hey"... .Not sure if I expected or wanted a response, but so far there hasn't been one. And I'm quite comfortable with that... .maybe the text was enough to soothe her... .

So, while each person is different, YES some pwBPD do think about their exes... .maybe it has to do with how much they love the ex or the connection. My relationship wasn't volatile or explosive or nasty... .just quietly emotional and intense... .

sixthsense

[mitatsu]

Sorry to be blunt but i think your reverse polarising here... .your still texting her and leaving gifts/treats? Maybe time to let her go and she may stop 'stalking' you?... all the best

[JRT]

Although I had caught mine stalking me on FB that I created specifically for the caper (I have since switched my profile to 'friends only', I have not hear a word from her in six months since she did a disappearing act just after moving into my house.

Since her departure was abrupt and came from out of nowhere (we actually had a happy sort of r/s, no fighting or arguing at all), I naturally wondered if despite the action, if she ruminated about me after the fact - it would actually make me feel better to know that she was. It would help to validate that we we had was real and that I didn't spend 2 years with a shell of a human; someone who pulled the wool over my eyes while sleeping in my bed.

I have read more accounts from people here that seem to indicate that she has as much regard for me as a empty soda can and is able to purge thoughts of me from her mind by virtue of defense mechanisms that they had learned in order to cope going way back to childhood. Unfortunately, I have more evidence that negates that I had meaning, REAL meaning, to her the opposite.

In your case, I don't see those signs necessarily as rumination or obsessing. What I would be concerned about is that what you are seeing is a prelude to a recycle. And if it IS a recycle, you will need to be prepared to do what is in YOUR best interest. A recycle, as you well know, i somewhat of a rebound r/s for a BPD: she has need, she couldn't find anyone to fulfill that need, you are available and willing, lets do it. But a recycle is predicated upon HER needs and and not a mutual and caring love. Unless she has become self aware and has made a commitment to getting better, I urge you to proceed with caution for YOU.

[sixthsense]

I appreciate your bluntness mitatsu. No apology necessary. I am moving on and am not interested in going down that path... .I had second thoughts as we all do. But the point I want to emphasize was her bizarre behavior began after I texted her six weeks ago that I was no longer going to do those things... .I shouldn't have sent the recent text, but her recent behavior concerned me... .But I'm done.

Thanks JRT. Definitely not interested in recycling... .Great advice guys. Appreciate it!

sixthsense