He commented on someone else's projections

[ColdEthyl]

I just thought I'd share this. Last night my H and I were watching one of our shows together, and in the show the woman was having a baby. She kept screaming that she didn't want it, that it would be disfigured and weak. The baby was born perfectly healthy.

I was talking to the TV (yeah I know... .it won't answer me ) and I said "Why was she saying that? Why would she think her baby would be disfigured or weak?" My H replied "Hunny, it's because that's how she feels about herself." (the character's face was disfigured during battle)

I just nodded... .and couldn't believe it. I know he's more in tune with other people and their feelings but... how can he not see HE does that all the time? Perhaps part of him does know. *giggle*

If I wasn't sitting down, I might have fell over 

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[Michelle27]

I think I would have fallen over myself. LOL  Wow... .I'm also not sure I would have been able to not comment on that... .

[EaglesJuju]

I wonder if this could be considered a moment of self-awareness?  

[Verbena]

What would have happened if you told him what you were thinking when he said this--that he noticed someone else projecting but doesn't think he projects? 

My H does this too.  The biggest, most recent one happened during a discussion of his aunt (she is hardcore BPD but I've never told him that) when he excused her miserable behavior by saying, "Oh you know how she is.  She's just one of those people who can take anything and make it negative." 

It's a good thing I was sitting down at the time also.  He had just described himself perfectly.

[ColdEthyl]

@Verbena I'm not sure. I was caught off guard when he said it, so I didn't think of saying it. I might try next time just to see. When he does have moments of clarity, he does acknowledge certain things, like knowing feelings are not facts, but that he does treat them as such. I'm not sure if he sees the projecting he does. He does it a lot to his uBPDs. He will make comments about his behaviors, but doesn't seem to notice he does the same things.

[Verbena]

ColdEthyl,

If your husband has moments of clarity, count your blessings!  No person can change without some insight into their own behavior.  It's good that your husband, at least some of the time, has that. 

My H, who is not BPD  but most definitely has some serious issues, has absolutely no insight.  None. Zero.  He recently told our BPD29 DD  how he had been treated rudely by a client, someone she also knew.  He went on and on about how this man should have apologized for his behavior but didn't.  Then he proceeded to tell her how he would have NEVER behaved the way this man did and he ALWAYS apologizes for his behavior if he thinks he was wrong. 

I was just speechless--not that I didn't believe this guy was very rude to him and not that I didn't believe he would apologize if he had behaved in a similar way.  I was speechless because with me he is NEVER wrong and NEVER  apologizes for anything.  If our daughter hadn't been here, I would have said something. 

[ColdEthyl]

@Verbena haha! Yep my H was going on about his son lying, or stretching the truth to gain sympathy or to make himself look better, and he doesn't realize he does that himself all of the time. I know I am lucky that he's self-aware and tries hard. I don't think I would be here if he wasn't.

[Grey Kitty]

You do realize that this is human nature, only made slightly worse by BPD.

It is 10X easier to see this kind of behavior in somebody else than it is to see it in yourself.

Isn't there something in the bible about mentioning the splinter in your neighbor's eye and not seeing the log in your own eye?

[ColdEthyl]

Yes, I know it's human nature, I just thought it was worth a giggle to share since I didn't catch that's what the character was doing but he did right away. I also thought it might invite others to share their experiences