Finally blocked her number

[Depression = 72% of members]

Well I finally did it... .I blocked her number, unblocked it, blocked it and left it blocked.

Its hard to turn my back and shut her out but its time.

My dBPDw left last July, I kept working to save the marriage until December when I walked in on her and replacement.  NC for the most part since.

She contacted me last week and went off on me for removing her from my benefits.  Accusing me of sitting here thinking of ways to hurt her.  Really?  That is calling the kettle black.  Stated that me taking her off my benefits was a clear sign it was time for divorce! Wow, how about her breaking every wedding vow she made?  Anyways it was all about her her her as usual.

I was not going to lie anymore to keep her on my benefits plus I was going travelling and my life insurance and benefits would be paid to her.  If something happened to me I would not let her and the replacement have that while my children went with out anything.  Before I left I changed my benefits and Will to look after my children.

Any time she contacts me it is just about something she wants and feels she deserves or to try and make me feel bad.  Told her that nothing good comes from her contacting me and told her I was blocking her completely.  Its done.  At first it felt strange but now it just feels more safe and necessary.

I love how they can project the fault and guilt on to us and blame us for it all.  We have done little to cause it all.  So frustrating... .she will never own her poor behavior.

[wavelife]

Well I finally did it... .I blocked her number, unblocked it, blocked it and left it blocked.

Its hard to turn my back and shut her out but its time.

My dBPDw left last July, I kept working to save the marriage until December when I walked in on her and replacement.  NC for the most part since.

She contacted me last week and went off on me for removing her from my benefits.  Accusing me of sitting here thinking of ways to hurt her.  Really?  That is calling the kettle black.  Stated that me taking her off my benefits was a clear sign it was time for divorce! Wow, how about her breaking every wedding vow she made?  Anyways it was all about her her her as usual.

I was not going to lie anymore to keep her on my benefits plus I was going travelling and my life insurance and benefits would be paid to her.  If something happened to me I would not let her and the replacement have that while my children went with out anything.  Before I left I changed my benefits and Will to look after my children.

Any time she contacts me it is just about something she wants and feels she deserves or to try and make me feel bad.  Told her that nothing good comes from her contacting me and told her I was blocking her completely.  Its done.  At first it felt strange but now it just feels more safe and necessary.

I love how they can project the fault and guilt on to us and blame us for it all.  We have done little to cause it all.  So frustrating... .she will never own her poor behavior.

[HappyNihilist]

Congratulations, wavelife! I know it's hard, but you have to protect yourself. You don't deserve the continued blame and hurt - you do deserve to love and take care of yourself.

Before I left I changed my benefits and Will to look after my children.

Great move. Your children are very lucky to have such a caring, thoughtful father.

Any time she contacts me it is just about something she wants and feels she deserves or to try and make me feel bad.  Told her that nothing good comes from her contacting me and told her I was blocking her completely.  Its done.  At first it felt strange but now it just feels more safe and necessary.

I'm so glad you're taking care of yourself. 

[wavelife]

Thanks HappyNihilist,

Just one more step accomplished in detaching   

Everyday may not bring answers or understanding but it does bring more acceptance and this board is so valuable in moving towards acceptance!

[apollotech]

"... .she will never own her poor behavior."

That says it all ^^^. Take care of yourself and your children. May your travels be uneventful.

[wavelife]

Thanks all,

Amazing how with reflection back, without the FOG and addictive behavior it becomes crystal clear that there was nothing any of us could have done to change the outcome.

I recalled one point in our marriage when I was trying everything to make it work and beating myself up for any little blunder.  I wanted to spend sometime just the two of us without kids or friends to work on our connection.  Her response "I do not want to send mixed signals"  At the time I accepted it and dismissed it.  But what person in a marriage who wanted it to work would ever say something like that?  Its as if she wanted freedom from it and would do anything to sabotage it and get away.  It feels better to realize that and to stop beating myself up for what I did or didn't do... .it did not matter.