What's the most messed up thing they ever said/did? Con't

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Good thread... .

1) Broke up with me three days before Christmas and after I lost a job

2) A week later sent me a text saying that she never wanted to talk to me again

3) I broke my back "figuratively" helping her dad move in her apartment and I didn't get a thank you

I'm sure there were many other things as well.

[Jack2727]

Good thread... .

1) Broke up with me three days before Christmas and after I lost a job

2) A week later sent me a text saying that she never wanted to talk to me again

3) I broke my back "figuratively" helping her dad move in her apartment and I didn't get a thank you

I'm sure there were many other things as well.

[dobie]

Left and told me  me three days before my bday "her feelings had changed"

Told me she loved me but was not in love with me for a year or longer and should have left me then

Claimed if I saw her after the BU she would have been convinced to come back for another 1-2 years

In this year she was not "in love with me " she seemed pretty happy when she thought she was pregnant .

Stole my passport when she left in case I tried to complete on a mortgage without her (impossible)

Stripped the flat of pretty much everything , took back all my bday presents and refused to pay for one I got on my Cc she told me to buy  she earns six figures plus . I was working part time and barely able to break even

Paid a cpl months rent but charged me for an av cabinet she did not need and accused me of only wanting to keep it to sell and make money on  

Never apologised for any of this to my face or via email and told me she was a good person and how else could she have left

When she met up with my bro six months later was still raging about all the money she had spent on the flat she choose to leave and how dare I expect her to honour my bday present obligation .

Claimed she loved her job (total lies) and then I pushed her into leaving and getting promotions (lies)

Blamed me for her constant illnesses and IBS

[Trog]

#1 - Shouting out in front of a bunch of strangers that we were going out with on NYE (friends of her sisters) that I enjoyed being abused as a child because I'd upset her somehow. Public embarrassment, with seemingly no care for how much she was embarrassing herself, was a constant theme, she pulled that all the time with her family and friends. Not with mine.

#2 - Telling her friend that any child we had would only be her child and not mine (She later miscarried our child - make of that as you will) and the child would have nothing to do with me.

#3 - Storming off through a town while we were on holiday to find a cliff face, standing on it for 30 minutes threatening to throw herself off and forcing me into admitting that all is my fault before coming down from it. When I then fell into tears on the beach when she finally got off the cliff face, she abused me for being dramatic... .

#4 - Smashing a bowl of boiling hot food onto my head while I was reading a book about spirituality and staying present. She could not stand it when she didn't get a rise out of me and this book had helped me keep calm all holiday, holidays were the opposite of calm and soothing.

I am writing these things down quite calmly and could go up to 50 with such examples, however, I can see a shift in my analysis of these actions has changed. I used to think what kind of biatch would behave like this and now I think what kind of self image must a person have to tolerate it. Sure, they were a slow creep, but from week 1 she bahaved in trashy and unacceptable ways. It blows my mind that I tolerated it, that I cried over losing it, that I married it and now I've gone in the other direction and am totally hostile and closed off to all women. That too will pass.

CRAY-ZEE

[fromheeltoheal]

The worst thing my ex did to me was the last thing, because I left her; the pain of staying finally surpassed the pain of leaving.

So it might be fruitful to not only list the crap that was pulled, but also what you made it mean, why you tolerated it, and why you stayed, or why you left; let's get busy on our own empowered futures, yes?

[Trog]

Why I stayed?

I knew she was ill, she made me feel quite in competition with her other exes, it was a challenge to stay the course, was I a strong enough person to be able to tolerate crap and enjoy this idea of what I thought was her when she wasn't acting up. To have to read books in order to deal with the stress and strains, she even had me reading on how to sort out my anger and go to therapy for my problems (that were generated by being in the relationship)!

I believed and bought into the whole thing. Basically I had low self esteem (have), love meant pain, that's what I learnt as a child, love was "maintaining" someone and I saw that as my role, so rather than dealing with her very real issues (she denies even now having been sectioned 5 times she had a problem) I was the perfect partner because I was willing to buy into her philosophy that she needed to be maintained and treated well rather than she had any issues at all.

What did I make it mean?

That I was failing, that I had upset her or wound her up to such a degree that she exploded with insults or didnt honour me infront of people, plus she told me this too. Nothing was ever ever her fault, whereas I take on fault quite readily, again, making me a perfect candidate for a BPD relationship. I will search for fault in myself to eradicate it, she will pass it on like it was kryptonite, and that worked for us, until the point it made me utterly depressed and despising of myself and her shine had faded enough for the balance to tip.

Why I left?

It was a culmination of so many unacceptable things that I just could not live the lie anymore. I knew, always knew, her behaviours were not really acceptable but because I didn't want to be alone and did really enjoy the few and dwindling good times I thought I could tough it out (nice way to look at your marriage!). The final straw was walking in on her, while having another psychotic episode, telling her sister that she is thinking of leaving me. This is during a week while she has slapped me, choked me and behaving so badly her sister is staying over at my house and I'd done all I could to comfort and help the situation and been kept up for 2-3 nights at a time. It was the final disrespect. I vowed I wanted her out of my house. Within a couple of days, luckily for me, events collided so just that happened and she was removed by the police. I took her keys and we never lived together again.

I wanted her out and its what I got. She treated someone, who when we first married, truly loved her and wanted to build a great future. I put a lot of thought and effort into our marriage and she didn't do the same. She didn't deserve my love, she disrespected it and disrespected herself. Its really important we remember why we left or the times that were simply unacceptable when we are feeling lonely or afraid.

[hurting300]

We had just finished having sex, we were cuddling and I said to her i think we need to use protection. Her reply "oh condoms don't always work, my boyfriend busted them all the time with me"

[stntylr]

One of my co workers and her son were killed in a double homicide. The next week my ex accused me of being the killer.

[Maternus]

I bought a laptop, it was "our" laptop and after she broke with me, I told her she can keep it. All I asked for was to copy some of my files and she answered: "That is too much to ask for!"

[StarOfTheSea]

There's so much to choose from... .

Things he said:

-when he told me that he couldn't kill himself because he couldn't do that to his daughter and ex wife but he could do it to me because I 'could handle it'.

-said that if he won lottery he'd make sure his ex wife was given money.

-once after having sex he told me about one his ex gf's that he 'loved to take shopping' because it 'was like dressing a little doll'.  Gross.

Things he did:

-never once stayed home with me after I miscarried and needed surgery.

-strangled his very ill, elderly cat instead of taking it to the vet to be euthanized

-raged to his ex wife on the phone about their daughter right in front of the daughter.

-had handguns in the house that weren't locked up and practiced very bad firearm safety. (A huge no no in my world; I come from a law enforcement family.)

-reused a holiday item for me that was originally bought for an ex gf... .And then laughed when he told me about it.

That's just the tip of the BPD iceberg with him.

[hurting300]

There's so much to choose from... .

Things he said:

-when he told me that he couldn't kill himself because he couldn't do that to his daughter and ex wife but he could do it to me because I 'could handle it'.

-said that if he won lottery he'd make sure his ex wife was given money.

-once after having sex he told me about one his ex gf's that he 'loved to take shopping' because it 'was like dressing a little doll'.  Gross.

Things he did:

-never once stayed home with me after I miscarried and needed surgery.

-strangled his very ill, elderly cat instead of taking it to the vet to be euthanized

-raged to his ex wife on the phone about their daughter right in front of the daughter.

-had handguns in the house that weren't locked up and practiced very bad firearm safety. (A huge no no in my world; I come from a law enforcement family.)

-reused a holiday item for me that was originally bought for an ex gf... .And then laughed when he told me about it.

That's just the tip of the BPD iceberg with him.

He's got something worse than BPD if he did that to a cat.

[StarOfTheSea]

[/quote]
He's got something worse than BPD if he did that to a cat. [/quote]
I totally agree. When he told me the story, I didn't understand because I couldn't wrap my mind around him killing the cat with his bare hands. After it clicked, all I could think was "OH S-. What kind of monster have I gotten involved with?"

[Invictus01]

I totally agree. When he told me the story, I didn't understand because I couldn't wrap my mind around him killing the cat with his bare hands. After it clicked, all I could think was "OH S-. What kind of monster have I gotten involved with?"

This has a sociopath written all over it.

[Flameheart]

She was a quiet borderline.

#1 - I confronted her about the fact that she had gotten back with her ex-boyfriend behind my back, and about why she was using me emotionally. I wanted to know why she couldn't have been honest with me about it, and she ended up blocking me and didn't give me a response for weeks. Finally, she responded back and sort of brushed off the entire thing, by saying that she "didn't feel like it mattered" and that she had blocked me because it was the anniversary of her mother's death (she NEVER told me when her mother had died because she never talked about it, so I had no way of knowing). She guilted me into feeling bad about the entire situation and turned me into the "bad guy."

#2 - Even after we had supposedly patched things up after that incident, she didn't unblock me for weeks. She used the silent treatment and made me think that she was still mad at me. Me being a co-dependent, I felt like I was becoming the one with BPD.

#3 - She never was able to answer *what* I was to her. I was legitimately confused and wanted to talk things out with her about us. I wanted to know if she thought of me as a simply a friend, a secret lover, someone she could emotionally cheat with, etc. I told her that I didn't want to be this secret that she kept hidden away from people, and that I had legitimate feelings for her. She turned off all of the emotions she had for me and told me that she wasn't able to handle it when people were being "overly emotional" around her. This I believe to a certain extent, but I believe that her shutting off her emotions was in itself an emotional defense mechanism. Before I knew about her boyfriend, she was very expressive regarding her feelings. Once I knew about her boyfriend, she stopped saying how much she loved me and appreciated me and all of her "feeling" was replaced with silence and deflection. That in some ways, hurt me more than the cheating behind my back did.

[Wood stock]

- Snuck around town behind my back buying liquor and six packs and drinking behind my back (while I was home with three kids)... .then raging at me when I would "accuse" him of smelling like alcohol and behaving strangely.

- Called me horrid names in front of the children... .called me a murderer (my former boyfriend committed suicide--had nothing to do with me)

- While away on business for work, got a DUI... .I thought he was dead in a ditch somewhere. When he finally called me from jail, I had to contact a bondsman. I did. The bondsman informed me this was his THIRD DUI. $100,000 bond. I posted it.

- Raged at me and ruined every holiday, birthday, vacation.

- Stormed out of the house not to return until the next day over the silliest little things.

- While serving the 120 day jail sentence in another state, he raged at me on the phone almost daily and broke up with me twice. ordered me to take his daughter and his belongings to his Mommy's as a way of getting back at me for disagreeing with him.

- The first time, he begged me to forgive him and to go bring his little girl "home." I did. The second time was the last time. I did as he asked and put his stuff in storage and was done. As he said he wanted. When he got home from serving his sentence, he wrote me horrible emails and texts telling me what a horrible person I was and how everything was my fault.

- Just yesterday, sent me texts raging because he heard I went on a date ( I haven't laid eyes on him in six months--he broke up with me from jail three on this ago).Begged for another chance... .continued to blame me for his issues, though.

-Called me "sick" and crazy and said I was the one with a disorder (I have seen an excellent therapist for five years--I'm mentally and emotionally quite strong and quite stable--so says my therapist).

-Oh... .did I mention the physical abuse?

[Bumpsintheroad]

Busted Condoms?

Strangeling Cats?

Accused you of a double Homicide?

Wow, I thought I was in a $hitty situation.  Sure happy I got OUT with just superficial wounds. Hell, after reading these experiences, I may never date again! 

[.cup.car]

Claimed we never dated and got her parents to play along with it.

[antelope]

I totally agree. When he told me the story, I didn't understand because I couldn't wrap my mind around him killing the cat with his bare hands. After it clicked, all I could think was "OH S-. What kind of monster have I gotten involved with?"

cats always had a way of 'running away' and suddenly 'disappearing' throughout my exgf's history.

the one that went missing while I was with her was a sibling's kitten who I assumed was 'removed' b/c it was getting far too much attention.

I don't think she had it in her to kill them, but throwing them into the trunk of her car and going for a 20 mile drive into the woods and dropping them off?  oh yeah, that I definitely believe  :'(

[antelope]

she told me about 2 abortions that she wasn't really sure who the father was     ... .and going by her history of lying, I assume she meant like 6 or 7 abortions she was unsure of   

[RedDove]

Oh my, sad to say there are so many just like everyone else!

1. Had knee surgery, told me he was not feeling up to visitors at hosp. I showed up to surprise him. He was sitting up, doing just fine AND there was another wiman sitting on his hospital bed stroking his arm! Lied and said it was an ex who still had feelings! Gee, how'd she know you were even having surgery? Hmmm... .guess I was the one surprised! First break up by me!

2. Invited me to his nephews wedding taking place out of town Labor Day Weekend (our 2 year anniversary). Two days prior I asked what time he was picking me up. He lied and said no "guests" allowed. Yet his sister brought her boyfriend and they'd only been dating for 2 years! I couldn't return the dress or shoes I bought. Also lost the deposit on the hotel room for the weekend. Then he had the audacity to send me photos and texts showing what a "great" time he was having at the wedding reception!

3. His brother in law had cancer and died. I was away on a business trip. When I found out, I dropped everything. Told my boss and the VP I had to fly back home due to a death in the family. Arrived at the wake and he was acting really strange. Practically pushed me out of the Funeral Home. Told me there was no reason for me to stay! Told him I'd see him at the Funeral the next morning. He lied and said it was "family only". The obotuary in the paper read "Friends and Family are welcome at the funeral Mass".

4. Last May he began pushing me away and avoiding me. We finally got together for dinner. We were intimate. He told me i was the love of his life, blah, blah, blah! We talked about spending more time together. We made plans for the future for summer vacation. One week later after another excuse to cancel plans I discovered he was seeing another woman he met on a dating site. I was laid off from my job one week later. He knew the layoff was coming. Didn't care.

5. I confronted him about OW face to face a few weeks later. He dissociated, told me we hadn't been in a "relationship" for 2 Years and he was "just" using me for sex. Also finally revealed he was borderline, unstable, and an alcoholic. Claimed he had been in Therapy for 12 years. He then projected, accused me of cheating, brought up past "perceived" slights by me and tried to blame me for everything.

I then spent 6+ months researching BPD. I found this site, read lots pf books and discovered the answers I needed in order to focus and work on me, my issues, and move on. He has tried to recycle, but I'm not taking the bait. Not going back to that crazy, messed up world of his. That's not the life I want for myself.

[Deeno02]

There was so much. I dont even want to repeat it. It was enough to crush me to the point where I dont even feel like I was even loved by her in any capacity, or, for that matter, even existed.

[newlifeBPDfree]

There are so many things... .

- Spent 10 months carrying with an affair with his band mate with everyone knowing about it - including his D11. He would not come home at night at all. Then he would have her drop him off in the morning so he can shower and change. I begged for him to stop the affair and he never did. He was two-timing me for a good part of a year, expecting me to tend to his needs and be a proper wife. this finally pushed me to file for a divorce but now i'm hearing I broke up the family.

- My dad is an artist (sculptor), once he took away all the pieces of my dad's work and held it for several weeks at his girfriends house. He told me they will be more when my dad dies. Then he said " he is on his last leg anyway, isnt he"?

- Recently when I was picking up my D11 from his house, after she got into the car, he got halfway into the car too and started screaming at me over her shoulder that I'm a c***nt, a whore, a slut, that I was fu***ing my divorce attroney, that whatever misery he was going through was all my fault etc

- He had no job for 5 years and I was the sole breadwinner. I paid all the bills and took care of the entire household. To make ends meet I had a freelance side jobs for which I got checks in the mail. He intercepted some of the checks and forged my signature and deposited into his own account.

- One of the girls he cheated on me found out she had herpes. He told me about it, then told me he got himself checked and was clear. Then after several months I found herpes medicine with his name on it. He intentionally was trying to give me herpes... .I think it was a way for him to reel me in for good - of i have STD and he has it, then we would be better off sticking  together.

- He cheated on me while I was pregnant. It did not come out until recently (10 years later)

- He bleached my work clothes in retaliation (I finally kicked him out for good)

- I miscarried several years ago and he now says that he was not the dad anyway (no reason fro hism to say that anyway) and then he told me I'm so vile and viscious that the baby did not want to be inside me

- Set up a profile on a casual encounters website using my work email. I came to work to find several emails from interested people... .

- Stole mine and my daughter's passports so I wouldn't be able to fo to a wedding in Europe I had been planning for a year.

- Flirted heavily with my friend (at least I thought she was my friend) and tried to invite himself for "mindblowing sex". She is no longer mty friend.


I almost feel like there is always something going on... .

[Wood stock]

This is to newlife: your post is unreal. Bless your heart for surviving that. You made me realize that maybe my situation was not AS bad... .but it could potentially GET to that level. Wow... .you really helped me... .thank you.

[Sofie]

Oh, there are far to many too count, but I'll just pick one example, because it's just as hilarious as it is tragic.

My exBPD gf had a friend, who was just as unhinged (and I suspect just as BPD) as herself. They took turns painting each other black and it always ended with them calling the police on each other, trying to convince some poor officer that the other was threatening them, harassing them, stalking them, etc. At one such time, I overheard my exBPD speak on the phone to the police about said friend, and, as she clearly didn't feel she was being taken seriously enough, she shouted, "Well, if you don't believe me when I say this b***h is dangerous, I'll just have to stick a knife in her."

Oh my... .I am so happy this is over, and, looking back, I can't believe I was on this roller coaster of pure crazy for so long.

[7796rock]

It has been horrible... .yesterday was the day I just couldnt take it anymore... .been through 4 maybe 5 breakups and getting back together... .but yesterday was it.  The name calling I have had to endure today via text has been almost unbearable... .I have been called everything but a human... .I have been reading these posts in and out and reading the website articles and just digesting everything I could get my hands on... .and things were getting better because I changed my attitude and used the validation and would walk when the intensity would start... .but yesterday I lost my patience and told him to get out (his bags were still packed from the last fight).  The nastiness is just absolutely obscene... .and I mean obscene... .nothing is sacred... .he has attacked at every place he could... .I have stopped the contact and will continue to have no contact and I know Im not suppose to let it hurt and not take it personal but damn... .its hard not to.

[newlifeBPDfree]

This is to newlife: your post is unreal. Bless your heart for surviving that. You made me realize that maybe my situation was not AS bad... .but it could potentially GET to that level. Wow... .you really helped me... .thank you.

Thank you for saying that, Wood stock and I'm glad it helps. The scary thing is that I kind of got used to and became immune to these things and they became my new "normal". I even made excuses for him and believed him when he said it must be me. Only after I wrote all of these down did I realize how messed our relationship was and how happy I am to be out.

[Maternus]

she told me about 2 abortions that she wasn't really sure who the father was     ... .and going by her history of lying, I assume she meant like 6 or 7 abortions she was unsure of   

Mine told me about one abortion, but after the breakup a mutual friend told me, that she had three abortions.

[thicker skin]

There are many, but probably the most hurtful was "I was put on this earth to heal you. It must be true or your twin brother would have struck me dead by now". He was trying to convince me to get help, believing that I was mentally ill and incapable of admitting my guilt surrounding his paranoid thoughts. My twin died just before our 18th and this was 21 years later.

He genuinely believed that he'd been possessed by an evil entity too, blaming it for his vile behaviour... .

He liked to hold my throat tightly and call me BPD... .That was nice.

So much, I am embarrassed to admit it all and pained to recall it. It's done now and I've been out for 6 months, completely no contact, having walked with nothing but my clothes and emotional freedom to be who I am without fear. It was cheap at half the price, to get my freedom of speech and thought back.

[Deeno02]

Oh, there are far to many too count, but I'll just pick one example, because it's just as hilarious as it is tragic.

My exBPD gf had a friend, who was just as unhinged (and I suspect just as BPD) as herself. They took turns painting each other black and it always ended with them calling the police on each other, trying to convince some poor officer that the other was threatening them, harassing them, stalking them, etc. At one such time, I overheard my exBPD speak on the phone to the police about said friend, and, as she clearly didn't feel she was being taken seriously enough, she shouted, "Well, if you don't believe me when I say this b***h is dangerous, I'll just have to stick a knife in her."

Oh my... .I am so happy this is over, and, looking back, I can't believe I was on this roller coaster of pure crazy for so long.

Jeez, sounds like my exgf and her toxic BFF neighbor of 14 years... .shudder when i think of it.

[raisins3142]

One of the worst things she did during our relationship (that I know of) was try to give me herpes, I think anyway.

The first night we were together sexually, she bit and scratched me to the point of me being bloody, supposedly in the throws of her passion.    A few months later, I said to her "that first night, when you bit and scratched me, you were trying to 'mark your territory' so that any other woman I might have been with afterward while healing would know, right?"  She looked at me with sheepish smile and said "maybe."  I brought it up then because I thought of it randomly and the reason for it struck me like lightning.

Fast forward to a month or so before our final break up, I show up after a few days apart and her lip is swollen and raw and she is chewing it and applying lip balm.  I tell her "I think that is a cold sore, do you get them?"  She said "no, I just chew my lip sometimes."  She then tries to kiss me and also infect other parts of my body, if you get my drift.  I turn her down and say "go get a blood test for herpes antibodies."  She finally goes and I tell her I want to see the original test print out.  She brings it to me and sure enough I was correct.  I take the paper and analyze it anyway because at this point I thought perhaps she had just gotten herpes from cheating and the antibodies would not show up yet and so she would need to lie to write "positive".  It turns out okay after looking for document tampering.

She states she has had the lip biting thing since childhood and so has had herpes all that time and did not know it (I guess she always chewed the sore off when it first started and so never actually saw one in all its glory).  Problem is: she is in her 30s now and a registered nurse, so that seems a bit "thin".  She then tells me "oh, my ob/gyn also reminded me that I have genital warts.  I must have compartmentalized that, and that is why I told you I was tested and free of all STDs at the beginning of our relationship."

I was beside myself and said "I would not be surprised if you wanted to give me your STDs so that we would have something in common and I would be forever bound to you in some way, like how you marked your territory before."  She just stared off with dead eyes and cried.

I was tested later and am clean as far as I know, but genital warts cannot be diagnosed in men prior to first outbreak.

[2014]

There's so much to choose from... .

Things he said:

-when he told me that he couldn't kill himself because he couldn't do that to his daughter and ex wife but he could do it to me because I 'could handle it'.

-said that if he won lottery he'd make sure his ex wife was given money.

-once after having sex he told me about one his ex gf's that he 'loved to take shopping' because it 'was like dressing a little doll'.  Gross.

Things he did:

-never once stayed home with me after I miscarried and needed surgery.

-strangled his very ill, elderly cat instead of taking it to the vet to be euthanized

-raged to his ex wife on the phone about their daughter right in front of the daughter.

-had handguns in the house that weren't locked up and practiced very bad firearm safety. (A huge no no in my world; I come from a law enforcement family.)

-reused a holiday item for me that was originally bought for an ex gf... .And then laughed when he told me about it.

That's just the tip of the BPD iceberg with him.

The cat story in a clear indication of ASPD leaning towards psychopathy... .imo