Do you "spy" on your ex?

[DestroyedKnight]

YES! and it is doing my head in and need to stop it .She is posting love quotes and love songs expressing how sorry she is for hurting me blah blah but I am not rising to it.If she wants me she knows where I am

[Infared]

No I dont spy on her never have.  She has accused me of spying on her but I found out she was spying on  me.  Go figure

Thank you. That has been my exact experience. Sometimes I just I think I am imagining the actual reality of this crazy person. It just does not seem possible.

Mine ran off with another man... .  Of course, spying on her is going to do nothing but cause me a LOT of emotional pain... .and if I am caught spying it will give her ultimate enjoyment... .I love myself enough not to go there... .It's like suicide. Right?

[despr8]

I know exactly what you mean because after 15 years I find myself spying too not to be nosey but I felt like I had to try to watch everything she did so I could fix her and keep her from doing crazy things and I realized I was wasting my time on her and never doing anything for myself so be careful and remember you have to take care of yourself too... .despr8

[lm911]

I know exactly what you mean because after 15 years I find myself spying too not to be nosey but I felt like I had to try to watch everything she did so I could fix her and keep her from doing crazy things and I realized I was wasting my time on her and never doing anything for myself so be careful and remember you have to take care of yourself too... .despr8

Same here  :'(

[DyingLove]

New mistake I've made. Talking on fb to one of her friends. I asked her to let me know if anything happens that I should know of.  She told me that she thinks my ex is NOT affected the way I am. Hearing that kinda sent me to a HORRIBLE place. Help!

[Infared]

New mistake I've made. Talking on fb to one of her friends. I asked her to let me know if anything happens that I should know of.  She told me that she thinks my ex is NOT affected the way I am. Hearing that kinda sent me to a HORRIBLE place. Help!

I made that mistake "once", too. I talked to her best friend and workmate, in person. We both go to meetings of a self-help group. She showed up at a popular meeting club in my home area and we both liked one another as people and I saw her and it was not good, I was in a lot of pain and was asking about my ex who met her new supply through work while she was living with me.  So I do not know how much this person knew about the cheating and I felt rather desperate and foolish after I talked to her.  I was absolute NC at the time...

A couple weeks later she spotted me at the same place and went out of her way to come up and talk to me... .And I said "name, it isn't very healthy for me to engage in conversation with you. Nothing personal." I then walked out of the room and out the front door. I had a feeling of empowerment and sensed that I was taking care of me. My T approved!

As painful as it was, I just had to distance myself from the whole mess... .anything else was gruesome for me.

[ShadowIntheNight]

New mistake I've made. Talking on fb to one of her friends. I asked her to let me know if anything happens that I should know of.  She told me that she thinks my ex is NOT affected the way I am. Hearing that kinda sent me to a HORRIBLE place. Help!

I'm not one to give false hope or anything like that BUT, just because a friend says that doesn't mean it's the truth. I mean, at least in my case, my ex was a pretty big liar. So unless the friend is in ur ex's head or is with her every waking moment (including showers and bathroom breaks) EVEN if your ex TOLD her she was doing well, I'm not entirely convinced it is the truth.

I mean how many instances have you read here where the BPDex was giving their undying love and devotion and in the next breath leaving? And another thing. We know that what they feel today may not be how they feel in the next moment. So Id take what she said with a grain of salt. Nothing is perfect for long with someone who is BPD.

[raisins3142]

Mine would muster the strength to be entirely false around anyone for several hours at a time.  This was hurtful to me because she'd go from morose to happy in 30 seconds.

That is one reason I think I triggered her because I was around enough that I saw behind the mask somewhat.

So, whatever their friends say is not likely accurate, if yours is like mine.

[DyingLove]

So true. Who knows what to believe. I wanna have hope... .but I don't. I guess if I had really wanted to break up with her versus how it really happened I would not be so obsessed and destroyed over the breakup. This morning my son picked me up about noon... .Before hand I was just laying down semi depressed. I had a time getting up ready, but it was beautiful out. Took about 2 hours to get out of my head. I hate being like this. I don't know how to enjoy anything and I don't know how to be my old self... .and I want to. I don't WANT TO WONDER anything about the ex. I am tired of having no interests that didn't involve memories of her.

[zundertowz]

Mine would muster the strength to be entirely false around anyone for several hours at a time.  This was hurtful to me because she'd go from morose to happy in 30 seconds.

That is one reason I think I triggered her because I was around enough that I saw behind the mask somewhat.

So, whatever their friends say is not likely accurate, if yours is like mine.

Mine was the same, she would act the part around anyone she was around a short period of time and treated her kids like allies but took all her anger out on her BFs.  Thats what so confusing to me... .that she now has better thoughts about people who care nothing for her but hates me.

[Infared]

So true. Who knows what to believe. I wanna have hope... .but I don't. I guess if I had really wanted to break up with her versus how it really happened I would not be so obsessed and destroyed over the breakup. This morning my son picked me up about noon... .Before hand I was just laying down semi depressed. I had a time getting up ready, but it was beautiful out. Took about 2 hours to get out of my head. I hate being like this. I don't know how to enjoy anything and I don't know how to be my old self... .and I want to. I don't WANT TO WONDER anything about the ex. I am tired of having no interests that didn't involve memories of her.

Be easy on you. We deeply loved our exes and truly included them in our thoughts and lives. It's admirable. Too bad it was not that way for them.

It takes time to walk out of love that deep. It will get better.

[DyingLove]

So true. Who knows what to believe. I wanna have hope... .but I don't. I guess if I had really wanted to break up with her versus how it really happened I would not be so obsessed and destroyed over the breakup. This morning my son picked me up about noon... .Before hand I was just laying down semi depressed. I had a time getting up ready, but it was beautiful out. Took about 2 hours to get out of my head. I hate being like this. I don't know how to enjoy anything and I don't know how to be my old self... .and I want to. I don't WANT TO WONDER anything about the ex. I am tired of having no interests that didn't involve memories of her.

Be easy on you. We deeply loved our exes and truly included them in our thoughts and lives. It's admirable. Too bad it was not that way for them.

It takes time to walk out of love that deep. It will get better.

Thank you. Very painful. Choking up now. Roller-coaster is hurling down