what does this mean in the BPD brain ?

[Depression = 72% of members]

It also likely means I don't give a hoot .

I don't think it's that she doesn't care, dobie.  It's that she's disordered.  This is all about her and her out of control emotions.  She can't see you right now, because emotionally she can't handle it.  It's too painful for her and too shameful.  Far from not caring, she is overcome with emotion.  It's just very disordered emotion - out of control emotion.  And she's struggling to save herself from it using the only tools she has.  And they are a very poor, very primitive toolset.  A very unhealthy way to deal with her emotions.  And very destructive.  pwBPD use defense mechanisms like splitting, dissociating, projection, impulsive behaviors (distractions), and running away.  These are the sorts of behaviors we see over and over on this forum.  They are simply the way pwBPD deal with the raging storms of emotion they experience.

The most important thing to realize is that this is not about you.  This isn't because you aren't good enough or weren't a loving enough partner.  It's not because you didn't treat your ex well enough or did something to drive her away.  This is just the disorder at work.  You could have been the best partner in the world, and chances are you were a great partner, but this still would have happened.  And that's because love can't change the nature of the disorder, no matter how much love we give.  In fact, love is in many ways the trigger.  That's not our fault.  We didn't cause that and we tried to love someone very damaged as best we could.  Truly this isn't because of any failing in you, dobie.  This is simply BPD.  It's what the disorder does.

[cosmonaut]

It also likely means I don't give a hoot .

I don't think it's that she doesn't care, dobie.  It's that she's disordered.  This is all about her and her out of control emotions.  She can't see you right now, because emotionally she can't handle it.  It's too painful for her and too shameful.  Far from not caring, she is overcome with emotion.  It's just very disordered emotion - out of control emotion.  And she's struggling to save herself from it using the only tools she has.  And they are a very poor, very primitive toolset.  A very unhealthy way to deal with her emotions.  And very destructive.  pwBPD use defense mechanisms like splitting, dissociating, projection, impulsive behaviors (distractions), and running away.  These are the sorts of behaviors we see over and over on this forum.  They are simply the way pwBPD deal with the raging storms of emotion they experience.

The most important thing to realize is that this is not about you.  This isn't because you aren't good enough or weren't a loving enough partner.  It's not because you didn't treat your ex well enough or did something to drive her away.  This is just the disorder at work.  You could have been the best partner in the world, and chances are you were a great partner, but this still would have happened.  And that's because love can't change the nature of the disorder, no matter how much love we give.  In fact, love is in many ways the trigger.  That's not our fault.  We didn't cause that and we tried to love someone very damaged as best we could.  Truly this isn't because of any failing in you, dobie.  This is simply BPD.  It's what the disorder does.

[dobie]

It also likely means I don't give a hoot .

I don't think it's that she doesn't care, dobie.  It's that she's disordered.  This is all about her and her out of control emotions.  She can't see you right now, because emotionally she can't handle it.  It's too painful for her and too shameful.  Far from not caring, she is overcome with emotion.  It's just very disordered emotion - out of control emotion.  And she's struggling to save herself from it using the only tools she has.  And they are a very poor, very primitive toolset.  A very unhealthy way to deal with her emotions.  And very destructive.  pwBPD use defense mechanisms like splitting, dissociating, projection, impulsive behaviors (distractions), and running away.  These are the sorts of behaviors we see over and over on this forum.  They are simply the way pwBPD deal with the raging storms of emotion they experience.

The most important thing to realize is that this is not about you.  This isn't because you aren't good enough or weren't a loving enough partner.  It's not because you didn't treat your ex well enough or did something to drive her away.  This is just the disorder at work.  You could have been the best partner in the world, and chances are you were a great partner, but this still would have happened.  And that's because love can't change the nature of the disorder, no matter how much love we give.  In fact, love is in many ways the trigger.  That's not our fault.  We didn't cause that and we tried to love someone very damaged as best we could.  Truly this isn't because of any failing in you, dobie.  This is simply BPD.  It's what the disorder does.

Thank you so much for that cosmonaught means a lot the trouble I struggle with is her behaviours due to BPD in which case everything you said is true or is she just a selfish immature anxious , depressed, victim mentality , paranoid and untrusting person .

That's what's driving me nuts is she I'll or just well a douche I mean she told me she was conflicted for a year and should have left then .


They way she BU and her behaviours are not normal I've never had a BU like this in my life or heard of it short of infeditilty or abuse .

[cosmonaut]

I understand.  It's natural to need to try and make sense of what happened to us, and to understand what went wrong.  That's very difficult in these sorts of relationships, because the situation doesn't make much sense and our partners aren't available to help us understand what went wrong.  We are left on our own to seek closure.  And it's not easy.

We can't know for sure if our exes have BPD if there was no professional diagnosis made.  We can, however, make the best determination with the information we have.  After all, we knew our pwBPD better than most and we saw sides of them most people never see.  We are not in a bad position to be able to say "they probably have BPD".  Ultimately, however, this determination is not for them.  We can't resolve their disorder for them and trying to do so almost always causes more problems than it solves.  We use this to help ourselves in healing.  To free ourselves from inappropriate guilt and blame.  To understanding how we became so attached.  To determine how to move forward in our lives, hopefully as wiser and stronger people.  We use it to heal.  If you suspect that your ex has BPD, or even just BPD traits, I'd advise you to go with it.  The important thing is that we begin to heal.

[dobie]

Sent her an email telling her for the first time since the BU that I love her and won't quit .

Tried to call her she hung up and blocked me

Fuming and feel stupid .

[cosmonaut]

I'm sorry, man.  I know that hurts so much.  My ex did the same to me, without explaination.  This was after she had assured me we would still be friends and I could call her.  One of the very last things she told me was "we'll talk soon".  We never did.  So, I can understand, man.  I still feel very hurt by her cutting me out of her life, and I still miss her.  I wish we could talk, but I understand that she can't.

Maybe you needed to contact her.  At least now you have a better idea of where she's at with things.  I would say her response is heavily in line with BPD, if that helps to resolve anything for you.  She's very disordered and she's shutting you out to protect herself in a very unhealthy way that is deeply hurtful to you.  This is about her and her out of control emotions.  Unfortunately, she can't have a heart to heart with you about things, and explain how she feels about the relationship and why she wants to end it.  She may feel very confused about why she is doing what she is doing too, and she may be feeling very ashamed about hurting you.  I know that makes it very hard to have closure, though, when you can't talk to your partner about these things.  And it really hurts when there is no attempt to try and resolve any of the problems she is experiencing (through no fault of yours).

I also understand if you don't want to give up on her.  Just remember that there is nothing you can do to change her disorder.  All you can do is respond to it and try to be as supportive and understand as you can.  Right now you are a trigger, and the most loving thing that you can do is to give her space.  She has to allow her emotions to calm before she will be able to see or talk to you again.  There's no way of knowing when that might be.  You will have to decide how long you want to wait.  I wish I could be more encouraging, but the reality is that there is just no way to know if she will be back or when.  Remember, though, and this is so important: this is not your fault.  This is her disorder.  You didn't do anything to deserve this treatment.  I know that doesn't cure the pain in any way, but don't accept the blame and guilt for this breakup.  It truly isn't your fault.

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing and what you're feeling.  We're here for you.   

[dobie]

Thanks Cosmo its been seven months since she left and she is obviously still triggered

I'm going to just email her and say thats it I'm not going to bother her again and see where if and when she ever responds

:'(

I really hoped we could have met like she said after the BU and stayed friends got a normal healthy goodbye from her  face to face etc but its impposible she can't face me she feels guilt and shame so she is blocking me out and acting like she has done little wrong .

This is only torturing me .

There is no sense to be had of such a disorder and behaviours apart from they are unhealthy .

[Turkish]

Sent her an email telling her for the first time since the BU that I love her and won't quit .

Tried to call her she hung up and blocked me

Fuming and feel stupid .

Are you more angry at her or yourself?

You can certainly send her an email as you say in your next post. She's made clear boundaries,  however, by the hang up and the block. Leave aside BPD for a minute... . how would you feel if she called you when you hung up on her and blocked her if you subsequently got the email you're thinking of writing?

She's not emotionally capable of putting herself in your shoes, but you are in the reverse. Do you think you would take it fondly, or would it trigger you more? Now add BPD to the mix and ask the same question.

[cosmonaut]

I'm really sorry, dobie.  I know you're hurting right now, man.  I wish that you could be able to meet with your ex, talk about the relationship and what happened, and be able to remain friendly with someone that you care about tremendously.  That's completely natural to want that, and in a more healthy breakup she could give that to you.  But she can't.  It's not to spite you and it's not to torture you - it's because she can't handle it.  And, unfortunately, her emotions are so overwhelming and so out of control that stopping the pain is all that she can see.  She's not concerned with your feelings, because she is too wrapped up in her own struggle.  What she is doing is very, very hurtful, though.  And I know you are in pain.  I have been through this too and I can still feel the hurt.  This is very painful.  And I am sorry this is happening to you, man.

I think Turkish has some really good advice for you, dobie.  I know it may be very hard for you, but I would not recommend to contact her again.  I don't think it will end up having the effect that you are hoping.  If you need to write something for closure post it here, or if it is too personal you can PM it to me or Turkish or someone else that you trust here.  I can totally understand if you need to do that, and that's not unusual.  It is very hard when we are not able to get closure from our ex, and we are forced to provide it for ourselves.  Sometimes putting things in writing makes it more concrete and helps to "get it out".

[dobie]

Thanks Turkish makes sense

Cosmo : cheers bro the first week after the BU she gave her reasons down the phone well she just said she was not sure she wanted to break up wanted time to think (I dumped her first via email) after she left and trashed my bday . but that she didn't love me.  I was really understanding mostly because I was so hurt and plus my pride so I acted like it was no big deal but it was a reasonable adult conversation .

Next week I asked to meet to talk she declined but took a call where she was highly agitated and spewed resentment as well as her there's no need to talk or meet its over

I don't love you haven't for a year or longer etc


Since then the only time we talked was twice to sort things out  keys , rent etc for her to shock me with her selfishness   any mention of her behaviours or what she did or the BU got closed down


I don't think she loves me I think a part of her cares about me and is ashamed for her actions post BU as well as her deciet over the last year or so .

I agree she can't handle or process like a normal adult last night just proved it for me so for her out of sight out of mind and she does not have to deal with her actions or behaviours or the fall out for me .

Her offer of "friendship" was an attempt to appear mature and also in case she needed me as well as to feel less guilty it was never sincire nor was her "I care about him" she told my bro a few weeks back .she only cares about herself and her needs I've seen that in full force over the last 12-18 months I was just in the fog at the time .

[cosmonaut]

Sounds like you've made some really good insights, dobie.     Friendship is a very difficult task for many pwBPD, because emotional intimacy is what is triggering for them.  Your ex may have had sincere intentions, or she may have just been trying to lessen her shame at the time.  Still, it is not surprising either way that she has had difficulty in keeping her word.  This is, unfortunately, common for pwBPD when a relationship ends.  It's still so very confusing and hurtful for us, though, isn't it?

Keep posting and keep letting us know how you're doing with things.

[dobie]

Sounds like you've made some really good insights, dobie.    Friendship is a very difficult task for many pwBPD, because emotional intimacy is what is triggering for them.  Your ex may have had sincere intentions, or she may have just been trying to lessen her shame at the time.  Still, it is not surprising either way that she has had difficulty in keeping her word.  This is, unfortunately, common for pwBPD when a relationship ends.  It's still so very confusing and hurtful for us, though, isn't it?

Keep posting and keep letting us know how you're doing with things.

Thanks Cosmo the more thinking I do the more I wonder if I'm trying to make her fit the BPD model so I rationalise her behaviours .

I'm not sure I ever saw engulfment for instance . more she has no core no self but again this can be due to immaturity rather than a pwBPD

As for adondnment again she was never overly jealous we never broke up we had fights over the years where she left for a few days to "think" but never recycles . paranoid and distrusting in the last year or so that I only wanted her for her money and I was going to "betray her" yes she needed object constancy texts every day hissy fits if I had to go away for work etc

Mind you I never overtly made her feel insecure .


Devaluing and selfish in the last year but more in a paranoid way than "I hate you" yes criticism and other beahviours , resentment etc

She has never gone back to or recycled an x either .

Idealisation in the first 4-5 years black & white thinking etc

She uses people she admited this to me she used her last bf and again said she should have left him a year before she did but needed him (just like me)

In fact lots of the symptoms but never outright engulfment or abondnment fears

A sense of being empty yep but again immature people have this

I think with her she was never happy or could allow herself to be happy and she expects other people of things to make her . so once she got the job the friends blah blah than I became the target she can't ever really forgive or forget so anything I did was stored in her memory banks to build up as resentment and ammunition

I'm starting to think she is just a selfish user a pro victim immature empty  and evil and does not deserve my commpasion of thinking she is disordered .

Selfish and shallow she cares more about herself and money than me or our dead dog

Its been seven months of hell .

[jammo1989]

I asked for us to stay friends I never asked to meet .


"I don't think its a good idea if we meet too soon for both of us sorry"

Dobie, after reading so much over the past 6 months on HPD/BPDs I have made my on mind up as to why everything happened the way it did, and I now finally understand that there's one thing that HPD/BPDs cant handle emotionally and that is REJECTION.  So in regards to what you asked she wants to stay friends but shes not going to ask to meet for a coffee because deep down she knows she cant handle rejection.  Rejection to a Cluster B is like death thats one of the core triggers that starts their psychosis like behavior.  Thats the reason why she wont text you directly because deep down shes scared of being rejected, thats why they will sometimes call you and hang up, because by making contact that way they are safe from rejection.  So in your case she wants to be friends, but she doesnt want to meet for a coffee because in her eyes she maybe thinks you will either reject her, or reject the situation in one way or another, so by staying friends she feels in control of the current situation, and her fear of rejection is now on her terms.  She wont text you directly with things like I miss you, because god forbid you dont, text back or you dont reply saying I miss you to, she will rage and break into a deep depression.  I now realize thats why my ex blocked and deleted me 7 months ago, because I said I know your playing mind games with me, I cant do this anymore (rejection).  I now also realize why she called me after 4 months of NC then when I emailed her saying why did you call me? she denied even calling me, the reason why she denied it is because deep down she feared rejection, so by being in denial about her impulsive actions I couldn't reject her because in her head she denied calling me, so when I print screened the call she then said oh im sorry about that! she obviously felt as if i rejected her attempt to contact me because she did try to start a conversation with you ok?

So the easiest way to look at this is this:  She will do what ever it takes to protect her false image, she wants others to praise her because maybe her parents never gave her the kind of attention needed to grow emotionally as an individual, she wants others to like her and this is why Cluster Bs go that extra mile to fulfill our needs, they want to be accepted for who they are deep down, but on the surface are to scared to open up to others in the fear of being rejected.  Thats why a lot of the time the Cluster B will dump us first, they will also line another person up before the break up because this can soothe the feeling of rejection and being alone.  They know deep down who they are and they hate themselves, but the fact of the matter is, they dont want others to see that, so when you call them out for negative behavior they go ballistic.  The worst thing you could possibly do to a Cluster B is say they are HPD/BPD, this is solely because they cant stand themselves as people so when they know that you know the real them they hate you this is known as PROJECTION.  Imagine the Cluster B standing in a room full of mirrors, on the outside they see a pretty face, but when you remind them of the real them, the glass then cracks and the real them is now looking back at them, just imagine seeing a monster in your reflection, they run, they run so fast to the point we are thinking what the hell just happened! when you call them out you remind them of the person they try so hard to hide and their only way to deal with this inner pain is to either shut down completely (emotional cut off) or run and never look back (Burning bridges).

I hope that helps you                          

[mitatsu]

I asked for us to stay friends I never asked to meet .


"I don't think its a good idea if we meet too soon for both of us sorry"

Dobie, after reading so much over the past 6 months on HPD/BPDs I have made my on mind up as to why everything happened the way it did, and I now finally understand that there's one thing that HPD/BPDs cant handle emotionally and that is REJECTION.  So in regards to what you asked she wants to stay friends but shes not going to ask to meet for a coffee because deep down she knows she cant handle rejection.  Rejection to a Cluster B is like death thats one of the core triggers that starts their psychosis like behavior.  Thats the reason why she wont text you directly because deep down shes scared of being rejected, thats why they will sometimes call you and hang up, because by making contact that way they are safe from rejection.  So in your case she wants to be friends, but she doesnt want to meet for a coffee because in her eyes she maybe thinks you will either reject her, or reject the situation in one way or another, so by staying friends she feels in control of the current situation, and her fear of rejection is now on her terms.  She wont text you directly with things like I miss you, because god forbid you dont, text back or you dont reply saying I miss you to, she will rage and break into a deep depression.  I know realize thats why my ex blocked and deleted me 7 months ago, because I said I know your playing mind games with me, I cant do this anymore (rejection).  I now also realize why she called me after 4 months of NC then when I emailed her saying why did you call me? she denied even calling me, the reason why she denied it is because deep down she feared rejection, so by being in denial about her impulsive actions I couldn't reject her because in her head she denied calling me, so when I print screened the call she then said oh im sorry about that! she obviously felt as if i rejected her attempt to contact me because she did try to start a conversation with you ok?

So the easiest way to look at this is this:  She will do what ever it takes to protect her false image, she wants others to praise her because maybe her parents never gave her the kind of attention needed to grow emotionally as an individual, she wants others to like her and this is why Cluster Bs go that extra mile to fulfill our needs, they want to be accepted who they are deep down, but on the surface are to scared to open up to others in the fear of being rejected.  Thats why a lot of the time the Cluster B will dump us first, they will also line another person up before the break up because this can soothe the feeling of rejection and being alone.  They know deep down who they are and they hate themselves, but the fact of the matter is, they dont want others to see that, so when you call them out for negative behavior they go ballistic.  The worst thing you could possibly do to a Cluster B is say they are HPD/BPD, this is solely because they cant stand themselves as people so when they know that you know the real them they hate you this is known as PROJECTION.  Imagine the Cluster B standing in a room full of mirrors, on the outside they see a pretty face, but when you remind them of the real them, the glass then cracks and the real them is now looking back at them, just imagine seeing a monster in your reflection, they run, they run so fast that we are like what the... . just happened! when you call them out you remind them of the person they try so hard to hide and their only way to deal with this inner pain is to shut down completely (emotional cut off) or run and never look back (Burning bridges).

I hope that helps you                          

Jammo that is a well put together insight... .thank you it helps me understand my ex a lil more 

[jammo1989]

I asked for us to stay friends I never asked to meet .


"I don't think its a good idea if we meet too soon for both of us sorry"

Dobie, after reading so much over the past 6 months on HPD/BPDs I have made my on mind up as to why everything happened the way it did, and I now finally understand that there's one thing that HPD/BPDs cant handle emotionally and that is REJECTION.  So in regards to what you asked she wants to stay friends but shes not going to ask to meet for a coffee because deep down she knows she cant handle rejection.  Rejection to a Cluster B is like death thats one of the core triggers that starts their psychosis like behavior.  Thats the reason why she wont text you directly because deep down shes scared of being rejected, thats why they will sometimes call you and hang up, because by making contact that way they are safe from rejection.  So in your case she wants to be friends, but she doesnt want to meet for a coffee because in her eyes she maybe thinks you will either reject her, or reject the situation in one way or another, so by staying friends she feels in control of the current situation, and her fear of rejection is now on her terms.  She wont text you directly with things like I miss you, because god forbid you dont, text back or you dont reply saying I miss you to, she will rage and break into a deep depression.  I know realize thats why my ex blocked and deleted me 7 months ago, because I said I know your playing mind games with me, I cant do this anymore (rejection).  I now also realize why she called me after 4 months of NC then when I emailed her saying why did you call me? she denied even calling me, the reason why she denied it is because deep down she feared rejection, so by being in denial about her impulsive actions I couldn't reject her because in her head she denied calling me, so when I print screened the call she then said oh im sorry about that! she obviously felt as if i rejected her attempt to contact me because she did try to start a conversation with you ok?

So the easiest way to look at this is this:  She will do what ever it takes to protect her false image, she wants others to praise her because maybe her parents never gave her the kind of attention needed to grow emotionally as an individual, she wants others to like her and this is why Cluster Bs go that extra mile to fulfill our needs, they want to be accepted who they are deep down, but on the surface are to scared to open up to others in the fear of being rejected.  Thats why a lot of the time the Cluster B will dump us first, they will also line another person up before the break up because this can soothe the feeling of rejection and being alone.  They know deep down who they are and they hate themselves, but the fact of the matter is, they dont want others to see that, so when you call them out for negative behavior they go ballistic.  The worst thing you could possibly do to a Cluster B is say they are HPD/BPD, this is solely because they cant stand themselves as people so when they know that you know the real them they hate you this is known as PROJECTION.  Imagine the Cluster B standing in a room full of mirrors, on the outside they see a pretty face, but when you remind them of the real them, the glass then cracks and the real them is now looking back at them, just imagine seeing a monster in your reflection, they run, they run so fast that we are like what the... . just happened! when you call them out you remind them of the person they try so hard to hide and their only way to deal with this inner pain is to shut down completely (emotional cut off) or run and never look back (Burning bridges).

I hope that helps you                          

Jammo that is a well put together insight... .thank you it helps me understand my ex a lil more 

Thanks Mitatsu glad I could help you, stay strong!

[dobie]

Thanks jammo thing is two weeks after the BU she did text me I miss you then I sent her something romantic and she apologised saying she was selfish and we are not right for each other but that she does miss me .

She also asked to stay friends first week in and I shot her down , then a month or two later I didn't reply .


Now she is saying to my bro she offered to be friends (she did) but when I reached out she said "its too soon 7 months later" !

She also told me early on she wants me to be OK about all this and even a few weeks back with my bro she wished me well wants me to be happy


This sounds like someone who is completely detached not wanting a friendship or anything else .

[jammo1989]

Thanks jammo thing is two weeks after the BU she did text me I miss you then I sent her something romantic and she apologised saying she was selfish and we are not right for each other but that she does miss me .

She also asked to stay friends first week in and I shot her down , then a month or two later I didn't reply .


Now she is saying to my bro she offered to be friends (she did) but when I reached out she said "its too soon 7 months later" !

She also told me early on she wants me to be OK about all this and even a few weeks back with my bro she wished me well wants me to be happy


This sounds like someone who is completely detached not wanting a friendship or anything else .

There is a few scenarios that could be happening here, these are as follows:

She has a replacement, but she doesn't want you to know about it, so shes distanced herself from you as much as possible (Very unlikely)

In her mind she now relates you with rejection, because she reached out to be friends and you shut her down, so she now she is either to scared to make that connection again because the rejection she felt was so overwhelming it may have caused a psychotic episode (Anger/rage,depression/anxiety)

She feels worthless (low self worth) and maybe deep down she feels you are better off without her, because if shes more aware than most, she knows why shes doing it but she cant control it, this is due to poor impulsive control.

It sounds to me that, she wants you there, but not in a way that she may feel suffocated by your presence, she wants to keep you at arms length because shes scared if she does meet you she may be triggered and push you away even further.  She wants you in her life, she wished you happy birthday (shows empathy) but she is scared how you may react if her BPD gets the best of her again.  Your best bet is to listen to her and wish her well, tell her youll always be there for her if she ever needs someone to talk to, and you love her enough to respect that right now she doesnt want to be friends right now.

P.S I would only advise telling her that if she reaches out to you first and if you know 100% that there is no replacement right now, she sounds self aware of her BPD and is scared of further damage to your emotional connection as individuals.  If she was NPD/HPD I would say run! But this person sounds genuine and in need of help, so let her reach out to you when shes ready to.  

[dobie]

Its so hard jammo because overall I got was anger indifference and arrogance

She is  right we did bicker all the time (exegeration) we did stop sleeping in separate beds the sex life and intimacy did wane

These above are some of her reasons

Its hard to know because of all the other aspects if BPD is at play or some sort of maladaptive pd behaviours or just an immature selfish anxious depressed victim type who fell out of love with me


I don't know how to play it bro

[jammo1989]

Its so hard jammo because overall I got was anger indifference and arrogance

She is  right we did bicker all the time (exegeration) we did stop sleeping in separate beds the sex life and intimacy did wane

These above are some of her reasons

Its hard to know because of all the other aspects if BPD is at play or some sort of maladaptive pd behaviours or just an immature selfish anxious depressed victim type who fell out of love with me


I don't know how to play it bro

I know it sucks, but the only way to play it is be a man, what I mean by this is simple, you need to show her and yourself that you can handle any situation she throws at you without showing emotion.  For example, if she has devalued you, any form of love from you is only going to annoy her further, what you need now is what I call time out, start having time to yourself for a while to put all the pieces together, once you have reached this point you will look back at this woman and think Im lucky to be out of it.  The way I did this is pretty simple, I went on you tube watched videos of BPD/HPD sufferers talk about how they really feel, I also went over to the Psyche forums and read 100s of HPD/BPD posts from actual sufferers, remember this is a NON forum.  I then compiled a lot of key words which I then googled to give me a better understanding of the last 2 years of my life, and once you have your Eureka moment you will fully understand why this this relationship was destined to fail from the start, a few words I compiled and googled were:

The emotional cut off BPD

When you reject a BPD

Do BPDs ever return

BPD and attention

BPD impulsive behaviour

Do BPDs miss their exes?



I just red and red untill I finally understood what and why it happened, yes I understand that every BPD is different, but when you actually read posts from BPD sufferers its a big eye opener into how real this really is for them.  Getting advice from NONs is great because we share similar experiences, but when you read post from BPD sufferers regarding the questions you have it really does bring us closure.   

[dobie]

Thanks it would be a great idea for me to understand more from a BPD point of view rather than us nons . like I said I don't think she is BPD if she is its a high functioning pd but she has a lot of traits .

I emailed her a few times telling her how much I love her , how mad this is all is that I'm crazy about and I've spent six months chasing women going into therapy tking up martial arts even thinking of leaving thencountry to forget her and doing everything else I can to forget her

I also told her if she wants me to stop just say one word STOP .

I told the truth no manly silence or pretend attitude that I've been doing for six months or anger just the truth I miss her I love her she can't be replaced and I understand she does not feel the same but it does not mean I can quit how I feel


She has not told me to stop so I don't know if she is just blocking my email or she likes what I'm doing ?

I realise I'm half mad with grief and longing but that's what love is a form of madness

[lm911]

 Right now you are a trigger, and the most loving thing that you can do is to give her space.  She has to allow her emotions to calm before she will be able to see or talk to you again.  There's no way of knowing when that might be.  You will have to decide how long you want to wait.  I wish I could be more encouraging, but the reality is that there is just .   

Space will not help her to calm her emotions. No one knows what can help her to calm her emotions.

I am not with my ex for a 1 year and a 1/2 and I am getting painted just more black. Recently she has blocked my number.

So you can't just wait in order for her emotions, do what you think you should. If you want to fight for her altough you know you have little change, don't wait - just fight unitl you can. But the best thing is to let go and stop wanting to be with her.

[Mutt]

The thread is locked for reaching post limit. You are welcome with starting a new or similar topic of discussion.