I Hate Sundays

[Hope0807]

Do I get to blame this on the exPD too?  Please say yes.  Sundays always send me into a tailspin because I just can't help but be a horrible procrastinator.  So every Sunday morning I wake up with the worst anxiety and zooming thoughts about everything I never got to and everything that needs to be ready for the week so that I can TRY to get to sleep at a decent time.  You would think I'm better at managing my time since being alone and out of the chaos with my ex, but not necessarily.

My world is tons more peaceful, but I'm struggling with depression I guess.  I'm wasting days and I can't stand it.  Although I'm extremely grateful that there are so many less tears, there are still so many days that I feel I'm just as broken as when I first left…a year ago.

Am I alone in trying very hard to not hate Sundays…but hating them so?

I recently read Healing Trauma and it was fantastic!  I could really use another good read that focuses on healing if there are any recommendations.

[cosmonaut]

Hey Hope,

Yeah, those depressions are the pits, aren't they?  I think almost all of us here can relate.  You are not alone.  I was crushingly depressed after my ex left me, to the point that even just functioning was extremely difficult.  My work unquestionably suffered for a while.  I had terrible problems sleeping.  I had panic attacks.  Nightmares.  It was awful.  I can say, however, that it will end.  Or at least it will lessen.  Eventually you will be able to focus better, sleep better, get your energy back, and start to feel better.  It will just take some time.

Anyway, hang in there.  You are definitely not alone.

Edit:  Just saw your other post, so amended to remove my suggestions about seeing a T and medications.

[Hope0807]

Thanks cosmonaut,

Can I ask how long before you were passed those bouts of depression?

Hey Hope,

Yeah, those depressions are the pits, aren't they?  I think almost all of us here can relate.  You are not alone.  I was crushingly depressed after my ex left me, to the point that even just functioning was extremely difficult.  My work unquestionably suffered for a while.  I had terrible problems sleeping.  I had panic attacks.  Nightmares.  It was awful.  I can say, however, that it will end.  Or at least it will lessen.  Eventually you will be able to focus better, sleep better, get your energy back, and start to feel better.  It will just take some time.

Anyway, hang in there.  You are definitely not alone.

Edit:  Just saw your other post, so amended to remove my suggestions about seeing a T and medications.

[cosmonaut]

I would say maybe the 6 months mark was around when I started to feel like things had lifted a bit.  The first few months were brutal.  It all happened in a gradual way, so it's somewhat difficult to say when things turned the corner.  I would say after about 6 months, though, I was doing quite a bit better.  I've over a year now, and while I do still miss her, and I do sometimes still get angry about things, and I think of her every single day, I no longer have any panic spells and the pain is sort of a dull lingering pain than the agonizing, intense pain it once was.  I don't feel depressed to the point that I can't work or function or anything like those first few months.  I sometimes get hit with little waves of depression, but I also have existing mental illness, so it's hard to say how much is just cyclical.  How long has it been since you and your partner broke up?

[ReluctantSurvivor]

Hi Hope,

  I am 8 months out and most days are good.  I have to be mindful of what I focus on or I find myself ruminating over the past.  The worst of the pain has left, having panic attacks at work, being in a daze for months, persistent nightmares and only sleeping two hours at a time - all have passed.  I still do have a bad day here and there where the heart hurts and I have to use all my will to get it together.  Healing is not a linear process.  I can have a great week then out of nowhere feel angry all over again.  On my worst days I come here and read - try to help others along.  I don't think there is a timetable really, these things take as long as they take.  You are not alone.   

[Reecer1588]

Hope, I want you to know that I know you might feel really weak in moments like these. On sundays.

I am here to tell you that you are one of the strongest people out there.

You have the strength to recognize exactly how you feel.

You have the strength to feel your genuine emotions, you have the strength to let the defenses down.

You are a strong human being.

[findingmyselfagain]

Hi Hope, I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. It just depends on how long it takes to get over. It's been nearly 5 years for me and though my ex doesn't weigh on my mind, I don't think it's something that I'll ever really forget.

Sundays were difficult for me for a very long time, because I really enjoyed having a family to go to churn with and all. It was the one day out of the week that we picked to go to church together and then stay home. It seemed special to me. I hated feeling anxious and uncomfortable at church and had a hard time getting myself to go for a long time. At the time her daughter was just about a year old. I really enjoyed being a father, and really enjoyed being in love. There definitely were odd, dramatic arguments, but I brushed them aside because I thought we were resolving them and getting closer together, but no, she ran away very quickly after our wedding shower. Now I know I dodged a hydrogen bomb, but I stayed in a strong to major depression for months and months. She was the Waify, difficult type and that appealed to my compassionate side, and my childhood issues, too.

The good news is I'm with a very loving fiance now. She's very kind and sweet and affectionate. We haven't had a single "crazy" argument. SHe seems to be very even-keeled like me. I think I just needed a good, hard lesson in love to figure out what real love is about. I wish you the very best on your journey!

[ADecadeLost]

I'm a bit of a football addict, so I didn't notice the misery of Sundays the first few months after my ex filed for divorce.  Beer, wings, and constant texting with my dad and brother filled the day.  Once January rolled around though (my team missed the playoffs once again), Sundays became brutal.  It seemed like I could manage to keep myself busy/distracted through the emptiness of Saturday, but by Sunday the chores were done and I was alone with my thoughts.  Even after I found activities to fill part of the day, the down time was still rough.

In retrospect, I guess the down time was necessary for me to process, but it wasn't fun at the time (posted as much at least once).  Now though, seven plus months out, it's gotten easier.  You'll get there too.  Just let things take their course.  It will get better.

ADL

[Duder]

I used to feel like that. Getting better though. I'm out, 4 months NC. I usually go out on Sundays for breakfast,then get the car washed,work on the house. Keep yourself busy, get a couple things done on Sunday. Then enjoy your free time. Yes its hard. But dont sit at home.hang in there.

[Hope0807]

I'm a year out.  Easter was the last holiday I spent with him.  Maybe that triggered me and having too much time being off from work?  I don't miss him, not even a little.  I miss the years I gave him and the part of me that could have had a child, a family, and so, so many dreams and plans of a future.  Yes, I'm thrilled there is no child connecting us for eternity, but the sting of that time lost will linger forever.  My mom is dying, it's torture to spend time at her bedside.  Some days she knows he's not in my life anymore.  Some days she asks me a hundred times in an hour about him. 

Funny you mentioned football, one of the first things I thought about was how much I wished I understood football so I could take up watching it as a habit.  Watching more football is definitely on my to-do list:)  Geezus, all the people who complain about football addicts in their household…they can have my exPDh! Lol  Try living with that insanity. 

Don't sit at home is definitely the key!  Ty.

Thanks everyone.

[Duder]

I'm a year out.  Easter was the last holiday I spent with him.  Maybe that triggered me and having too much time being off from work?  I don't miss him, not even a little.  I miss the years I gave him and the part of me that could have had a child, a family, and so, so many dreams and plans of a future.  Yes, I'm thrilled there is no child connecting us for eternity, but the sting of that time lost will linger forever.  My mom is dying, it's torture to spend time at her bedside.  Some days she knows he's not in my life anymore.  Some days she asks me a hundred times in an hour about him. 

Funny you mentioned football, one of the first things I thought about was how much I wished I understood football so I could take up watching it as a habit.  Watching more football is definitely on my to-do list:)  Geezus, all the people who complain about football addicts in their household…they can have my exPDh! Lol  Try living with that insanity. 

Don't sit at home is definitely the key!  Ty.

Thanks everyone.

Hope,I'm going through similar thoughts. I'm still in disbelief about the whole situation. The hardest thing to let go for me was always all the plans,our future. I let myself be recycled 3 times. The last time,she promised me marriage,a child.I moved in with her,we got engaged, then she devalued me and kicked me out. Its hard to admit to myself that I fell for fake promises.that I fell for a person that doesn't really exist.