On the Road to Recovery ~

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

When I separated from my husband 2 years ago after 14 years of marriage and a 20 year relationship full

of drama and conflict, and also some of the most joyous times of my life, a volcano went off in our lives that I am

only now beginning to recover from. I had vaguely heard of BPD at the time and knew he had abandonment issues but had no idea what was ahead of me: hacking into my email, tracking devices on my car, endless accusations and emails, restraint orders, thousands and thousands of dollars in legal fees and so many people traumatized in the process. We have one adult daughter and I am grateful there are no ongoing custody issues. I am grateful to read other people's stories and would welcome any information about support groups that actually meet in the Bay Area, especially for those whose exes or partners don't believe there is anything wrong with them.

[Fiona]

When I separated from my husband 2 years ago after 14 years of marriage and a 20 year relationship full

of drama and conflict, and also some of the most joyous times of my life, a volcano went off in our lives that I am

only now beginning to recover from. I had vaguely heard of BPD at the time and knew he had abandonment issues but had no idea what was ahead of me: hacking into my email, tracking devices on my car, endless accusations and emails, restraint orders, thousands and thousands of dollars in legal fees and so many people traumatized in the process. We have one adult daughter and I am grateful there are no ongoing custody issues. I am grateful to read other people's stories and would welcome any information about support groups that actually meet in the Bay Area, especially for those whose exes or partners don't believe there is anything wrong with them.

[mitatsu]

Just a quick   to you and welcome to the group

so glad your feeling positive about recovery and want to wish you the best on your path 

stay strong we are all here for you

[Lucky Jim]

Hi Fiona, Two years ago, my BPDxW and I divorced after a 16-year marriage, so I can relate to your situation.  Drama and conflict are hallmarks of a r/s with a pwBPD, that's for sure. My Ex hacked into my email account, too, so I had to laugh when reading that yours did the same!  Glad to hear you are on the Road to Recovery.  LuckyJim

[Mutt]

Hi Fiona,



I'm sorry you had to go through that. The break-ups are painful, chaotic and confusing.


I'm glad that you have found us. Many members here share similar stories.

It helps to talk.

Hang in there.


----Mutt

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Fiona, hate to hear what you are going through.  I have been dealing with stalking and harassment myself.  Is that still continuing in your life? 

If so, the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker absolutely saved my sanity.  My situation is different for sure (8 month relationship vs long term marriage with kids), but I turned to that book time and time again.  It helped me stay the NC course.  I have the electronic version available on my phone so could reach for it wherever I was. 

The other thing that helped me was charting the situation.  I have an excel spreadsheet where I document his behavior and mine.  It was so affirming to see my side piling up with "No Response" line after line.  No matter what he did... .threatening or not... .no response, no response (I realize this may be different in your situation).

My sisters helped.  I sent them the updated list and giving them a daily report helped keep me strong. 

If it helps, one of my sisters is a psychologist.  She knew all the details of his behavior and she never thought of BPD.  But as soon as I suggested it, she was like BINGO.  So, you are not crazy.  Even professionals miss this. 

[Fiona]

Many thanks to you all for the support and suggestions... . greatly appreciated!