Ex Girlfriend - Mind Games

[Bassoutcast]

Thanks for the reply.

Thing is I want her back, and there are many ways I can try and do it :

1)NC until a few weeks before the concert, then contacting her to see if she wants to go - either by text or by phone call. Text's can get my message delivered easily, but ignored just as easily. A phone call can be intriguing, making her wonder what is it that I want, but it can just as easily be avoided and my message won't get through, plus the possibility of me mumbling or getting nervous hearing her voice, and her answering in a cold way.

2)NC until the concert, trying to find her there, or let her initiate contact with me to invite me to the concert. seeing her there and making it look like I ran into her by accident, and asking if she wants to hang out.

3)If all fails - NC until her birthday, then using it as a reason to contact her (already did it before with a friend who I haven't talked with in 8 months after a huge fight), and seeing how it goes from there.

These are the only options that I see... . I've never wanted anything more in my life, and I don't take "giving her up" as an option.

Opinions?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[123Phoebe]

Thing is I want her back, and there are many ways I can try and do it :

1)NC until a few weeks before the concert, then contacting her to see if she wants to go - either by text or by phone call. Text's can get my message delivered easily, but ignored just as easily. A phone call can be intriguing, making her wonder what is it that I want, but it can just as easily be avoided and my message won't get through, plus the possibility of me mumbling or getting nervous hearing her voice, and her answering in a cold way.


These are the only options that I see... . I've never wanted anything more in my life, and I don't take "giving her up" as an option.

Opinions?

Hi Bassoutcast, how's is going today?

NC seemed so contrived and well, attached(!) to a negative, when what I really wanted was closeness and positivity between us.  If I'm all weirded out about how I feel about things (and have been plenty!), it will show up in me and be amplified back by him, full of distortion.

She might very well ignore any future advances you make.  Do you feel ready to accept this as a possible scenario?  A bigger question is, are you willing to let the old relationship go and start anew?  Do you have an idea of what that might look like?  Would you behave any differently around her?  In what ways?

I'm standing with my original suggestion of calling her up the old fashioned way and asking her if she'd like to go to the concert (do you have an extra ticket?)  Then taking it from there... .  It's a pretty simple question to a pretty simple request, that you would really like to go to this concert together.  Nothing more, nothing less.

Have confidence in yourself, Bass!  If she says no, you'll survive  

[Bassoutcast]

Thing is I want her back, and there are many ways I can try and do it :

1)NC until a few weeks before the concert, then contacting her to see if she wants to go - either by text or by phone call. Text's can get my message delivered easily, but ignored just as easily. A phone call can be intriguing, making her wonder what is it that I want, but it can just as easily be avoided and my message won't get through, plus the possibility of me mumbling or getting nervous hearing her voice, and her answering in a cold way.


These are the only options that I see... . I've never wanted anything more in my life, and I don't take "giving her up" as an option.

Opinions?

Hi Bassoutcast, how's is going today?

NC seemed so contrived and well, attached(!) to a negative, when what I really wanted was closeness and positivity between us.  If I'm all weirded out about how I feel about things (and have been plenty!), it will show up in me and be amplified back by him, full of distortion.

She might very well ignore any future advances you make.  Do you feel ready to accept this as a possible scenario?  A bigger question is, are you willing to let the old relationship go and start anew?  Do you have an idea of what that might look like?  Would you behave any differently around her?  In what ways?

I'm standing with my original suggestion of calling her up the old fashioned way and asking her if she'd like to go to the concert (do you have an extra ticket?)  Then taking it from there... .  It's a pretty simple question to a pretty simple request, that you would really like to go to this concert together.  Nothing more, nothing less.

Have confidence in yourself, Bass!  If she says no, you'll survive  

Thanks for the reply.

If it's with her, I'm ready to start anew. I had a talk with my sister today and I told her I miss being in a relationship so much, that I want the warmth of another person hugging me, sharing my stories, but I'm afraid, terrified to let someone into my heart and start from scratch, only to end up feeling like this despite all of the promises. She told me it's never certain how long a relationship may last, and it's only natural to feel this way when it ends. I think that given this possible ending - I'd rather it'd be my ex and not someone else, at least we have a history together.

Sure I'd behave differently - I'd still remain my core self, of course, but there are things I'd do differently. I learned what it is that amplifies my rage episodes and by experimenting on myself found ways to drastically reduce it, haven't had a single outburst since the breakup (although was very close, which got me to realize what it is that boosts my temper). I've also been applying some of the techniques I learned in the right column lessons in conflicts I've had with friends and family and the result was quite pleasant. I turned more "docile" in my nature, I think this'll help too. I've realized that despite my own issues, I have to be her rock and support her, but it doesn't mean I'll keep my feelings bottled up - I have a great support system of friends and family that'll help me with that.

I like your idea, but I don't have a spare ticket... .they're pretty pricey (roughly 85$, tax included) and It's quite a risk to buy an extra ticket and having her turn me down. plus, when I told her about the concert she said "I'll buy a ticket today", but considering her past excuses, "memory slips" and other mumbo-jumbo, I can't really take her word for it 100%.

I'm doing better, by the way. Although the depression still hits like a wrecking ball from time to time, I've been able to zone-out of it. Actually spent most of my free time today reading a book a friend lent me, hardly had time to think about my ex with such a fascinating novel, so that helps. Think I might as well go get a library card with all the reading I've been doing recently.

[123Phoebe]

I like your idea, but I don't have a spare ticket... .they're pretty pricey (roughly 85$, tax included) and It's quite a risk to buy an extra ticket and having her turn me down.

Hmm.  Is it something that's going to sell out?  Would you buy her a ticket if she said yes?

I'm doing better, by the way. Although the depression still hits like a wrecking ball from time to time, I've been able to zone-out of it. Actually spent most of my free time today reading a book a friend lent me, hardly had time to think about my ex with such a fascinating novel, so that helps. Think I might as well go get a library card with all the reading I've been doing recently.

[Bassoutcast]

I seriously doubt it selling out, but it's a possibility. I don't know if I'd buy her a ticket if she said yes - if she was still my girlfriend I'd do it in a heartbeat, but she's my ex... .

If she won't answer my call and won't call me later, should I just text her?

[Bassoutcast]

I'd like to mention I've had the weirdest dream tonight... . assigned to solve a mystery with another girl by my good friend, similar to the book I'm reading (same friend who lent me the book). the girl was dressed exactly like my ex was in a picture of her I sometimes look at, and had some of my ex's physical traits, but to an extreme (my ex cut her hair - this girl's hair was SHORT, my ex is strawberry blonde - this girl was pale blonde, etc). after it ended we kissed and I didn't feel anything, even thought about my ex while we were kissing... .

I have no idea what this dream means, only a few hunches and guesses... .

[123Phoebe]

I seriously doubt it selling out, but it's a possibility. I don't know if I'd buy her a ticket if she said yes - if she was still my girlfriend I'd do it in a heartbeat, but she's my ex... .

Yep, she's your ex.  The old relationship is done, over.  Whatever the two of you were doing, the way you were trying to connect to each other, didn't work.  If there's no future for the two of you, you will remain each other's exes and that's a very real possibility.

If she won't answer my call and won't call me later, should I just text her?

I wouldn't if I were you, but I'm not you so... .

I'm wondering what the reason would be for texting if she won't answer your call?  If she won't answer or return your call, then that in itself it saying something pretty clearly; she doesn't want to talk to you (or is not ready to talk to you or might not ever be willing to talk to you... .)  That would sting, but think about it... .  Would you really want to be at a concert with someone who won't even talk to you?  How fun would that be?

I'm suggesting asking her to go to the concert together, knowing that you both love the band(s), that's all.  A date!  Not a continuation of your old relationship, that's over.  Start anew.

[Bassoutcast]

I seriously doubt it selling out, but it's a possibility. I don't know if I'd buy her a ticket if she said yes - if she was still my girlfriend I'd do it in a heartbeat, but she's my ex... .

Yep, she's your ex.  The old relationship is done, over.  Whatever the two of you were doing, the way you were trying to connect to each other, didn't work.  If there's no future for the two of you, you will remain each other's exes and that's a very real possibility.

If she won't answer my call and won't call me later, should I just text her?

I wouldn't if I were you, but I'm not you so... .

I'm wondering what the reason would be for texting if she won't answer your call?  If she won't answer or return your call, then that in itself it saying something pretty clearly; she doesn't want to talk to you (or is not ready to talk to you or might not ever be willing to talk to you... .)  That would sting, but think about it... .  Would you really want to be at a concert with someone who won't even talk to you?  How fun would that be?

I'm suggesting asking her to go to the concert together, knowing that you both love the band(s), that's all.  A date!  Not a continuation of your old relationship, that's over.  Start anew.

I guess you do have a point, if she won't answer and won't return my call - I shouldn't really try anything else. That'd be pushing her boundaries, and we all know how that ended.

I've had an "epiphany" today - despite what she was saying and how she broke up with me, she did it when we couldn't see each other as much and I was upset because of it. I think it triggered a fear of abandonment in her, fearing that I'll eventually leave her because our dates always cancel at the last moment, so she did what she thought was best - cut off all ties, and no matter how much I tried to communicate with her she wouldn't reply, it was only when she saw a "way out" in one of my texts she initiated an argument which eventually led to the breakup. She already did it once before - about 2 weeks into the relationship we were out on a date, walking. She suddenly started walking faster and I thought something I did/said made her upset so I kicked a trash can saying "dammit". I asked her what's wrong, she thought I was upset with her, and that I was "sick of her", I asked her why in the world would I be sick of her, she said "I don't know, everyone gets sick of me eventually, I thought you did too"... .we both realized it was a misunderstanding and continued to enjoy the date... .

I will ask her out, but I don't know about the ticket, seems risky. Most of my friends don't like that kind of music and the only one who does will be on duty far away from home on the day of the concert (also in the army).

[123Phoebe]

if she won't answer and won't return my call - I shouldn't really try anything else. That'd be pushing her boundaries, and we all know how that ended.

Yea, don't want to be pushing someone's boundaries.  Pushing feels aggressive, yuck.  Respecting other's boundaries is the way to go

I will ask her out, but I don't know about the ticket, seems risky. Most of my friends don't like that kind of music and the only one who does will be on duty far away from home on the day of the concert (also in the army).

Well, that's your call.  I'm just imagining asking her out and then not being able to purchase a ticket, but that's the way my mind works.  Oh the drama that would be involved in that  If it's for sure not a sellout and she says yes, you could get a ticket then... .?

[Bassoutcast]

Thing is - she said she'll get a ticket, I just don't want her to go alone. Then again , she does have her twin sister she might go with, I don't know. It might even turn out that she does have a ticket, but I'll offer her a spare ticket and she'll end up bringing her sister with her ticket and going with mine... . I'm not saying it's likely to happen, but it's sure a possibility (her twin, while un-diagnosed, is 99% BPD by what I've seen, and unlike my ex who's the quiet one - she's the more "common" one - angry, impulsive, goes into tantrums over nothing, etc).

I could get a ticket, but that'd be the same as I did in most of our relationship - putting too much effort into it, throwing my cash around to make her happy (not that she asked for it, I did it because I loved her, but that's one of the mistakes I won't repeat), plus, saying "I have an extra ticket (that costs a lot of money) to see your favorite band" would be kind of suspicious... .the only "excuse" I could use is that my friend who also likes this music wanted to go but he's on duty so I have a spare ticket left... .

Can you please comment on the "epiphany" as well? I'd appreciate it very much

[123Phoebe]

Can you please comment on the "epiphany" as well? I'd appreciate it very much

Okay... .

I've had an "epiphany" today - despite what she was saying and how she broke up with me, she did it when we couldn't see each other as much and I was upset because of it. I think it triggered a fear of abandonment engulfment in her, fearing that I'll eventually leave her because our dates always cancel at the last moment she'll lose herself, so she did what she thought was best - cut off all ties, and no matter how much I tried to communicate with her she wouldn't reply, it was only when she saw a "way out" in one of my texts she initiated an argument which eventually led to the breakup. She already did it once before - about 2 weeks into the relationship we were out on a date, walking. She suddenly started walking faster and I thought something I did/said made her upset so I kicked a trash can saying "dammit". I asked her what's wrong, she thought I was upset with her, and that I was "sick of her", I asked her why in the world would I be sick of her, she said "I don't know, everyone gets sick of me eventually, I thought you did too"... .we both realized it was a misunderstanding and continued to enjoy the date... .

That fear of engulfment is something... .

[Bassoutcast]

Can you please comment on the "epiphany" as well? I'd appreciate it very much

Okay... .

I've had an "epiphany" today - despite what she was saying and how she broke up with me, she did it when we couldn't see each other as much and I was upset because of it. I think it triggered a fear of abandonment engulfment in her, fearing that I'll eventually leave her because our dates always cancel at the last moment she'll lose herself, so she did what she thought was best - cut off all ties, and no matter how much I tried to communicate with her she wouldn't reply, it was only when she saw a "way out" in one of my texts she initiated an argument which eventually led to the breakup. She already did it once before - about 2 weeks into the relationship we were out on a date, walking. She suddenly started walking faster and I thought something I did/said made her upset so I kicked a trash can saying "dammit". I asked her what's wrong, she thought I was upset with her, and that I was "sick of her", I asked her why in the world would I be sick of her, she said "I don't know, everyone gets sick of me eventually, I thought you did too"... .we both realized it was a misunderstanding and continued to enjoy the date... .

That fear of engulfment is something... .

As soon as I saw that term, I went and read through this :

www.vitalitylink.com/article-Spiritual-Growth-and-Well-being-1259-Working-Abandonment-Engulfment-Fears-partner-closeness

I'm the left column, she's the right one... . How to deal with her fear? I have so much love to give but during the end of our relationship (in retrospect) she's been subtly pulling away (i.e : canceling dates at the last minute despite promising to make sure they'll happen, turning off her phone, making excuses, etc), and when she saw a "way out" - she ran, leaving me to believe it was all my fault.

I've read many articles that pwBPD have a fear of abandonment, but never have I come across the fear of engulfment... . she seemed just as committed at the time, but then suddenly said I was pushing her and giving her responsibility she didn't wanted and was moving so fast... . it happened soon after I gave her a key to my place, saying "I think we're ready to make that phase, I trust you, now you always have a place to go to".

What should I do with that fear? how to handle it? won't any further advancements be triggering her fear?

[123Phoebe]

As soon as I saw that term, I went and read through this :

www.vitalitylink.com/article-Spiritual-Growth-and-Well-being-1259-Working-Abandonment-Engulfment-Fears-partner-closeness

  That was a good article.

I'm the left column, she's the right one... . How to deal with her fear?

What should I do with that fear? how to handle it? won't any further advancements be triggering her fear?

This is the really cool part, Bassoutcast... .  You deal with your fear.  You're so ahead of things already!  You've realized that you fear abandonment!  It's okay

There is so much information available to overcome this

[Bassoutcast]

I've been reading up on dealing with my fear - one of it's main "side effects" is coming off as needy and clingy, which results in a decreased level of attraction in the eye of your partner, ultimately causing him/her to abandon you. I did come off as very clingy towards the end of our relationship, which was the polar opposite of what I was when we were friends and in the beginning of our relationship - caring but in a moderate way, understanding, cynical and funny. I think not only the BPD played a part in the breakup - but her general loss of attraction towards my excessive neediness.

So forget the flowers on her birthday, it'll just come off as desperate again. I'll just text her instead, like a friend. And about the concert - I'll ask her to hang out, but I won't specify it's a date, just hanging out (she knows me well enough to know that if I want it to be a date - I'll say it's a date).

My friend asked a bunch of his female friends for advice after telling them my story, the response was unanimous - "If he wants her back, he's going to have to change", meaning that if I drove her away by constantly pushing her, I'll need to do the exact opposite to get her back.

Thanks

[Mike-X]

I've been reading up on dealing with my fear - one of it's main "side effects" is coming off as needy and clingy, which results in a decreased level of attraction in the eye of your partner, ultimately causing him/her to abandon you. I did come off as very clingy towards the end of our relationship, which was the polar opposite of what I was when we were friends and in the beginning of our relationship - caring but in a moderate way, understanding, cynical and funny. I think not only the BPD played a part in the breakup - but her general loss of attraction towards my excessive neediness.

So forget the flowers on her birthday, it'll just come off as desperate again. I'll just text her instead, like a friend. And about the concert - I'll ask her to hang out, but I won't specify it's a date, just hanging out (she knows me well enough to know that if I want it to be a date - I'll say it's a date).

My friend asked a bunch of his female friends for advice after telling them my story, the response was unanimous - "If he wants her back, he's going to have to change", meaning that if I drove her away by constantly pushing her, I'll need to do the exact opposite to get her back.

Thanks

As I understand BPD, she struggles with being in both columns. Although she might currently be acting more on the distancer side, a core issue in BPD is fear of abandonment.

[Mike-X]

What are your thoughts on these two?

To fear abandonment is to dread being left alone. This is a fear not

of loss of self but of gain of self by self-confrontation. Setting time aside for

yourself daily means choosing the very thing you fear. This paradoxical

reversal leads gradually to your enjoying your aloneness.

The actual fears are not of abandonment or engulfment. You are

really fearing the possibility of powerlessness in the face of them. But every time

you choose to work on fear, you become defense-less and resource-full. This

restores trust in your own organismic capacity for self-nurturance and safety

when people get too close or go too far.

[Bassoutcast]

I think she does in some way, but the right side is far more vivid in her. I think distancing myself from her and withholding myself from any clingy behavior around her is really the way to go, I feel like it may work. If I'll just be friendly and understanding she'll eventually regain her trust in me, and it might very well re-ignite her love for me.

What are your thoughts on these two?

To fear abandonment is to dread being left alone. This is a fear not

of loss of self but of gain of self by self-confrontation. Setting time aside for

yourself daily means choosing the very thing you fear. This paradoxical

reversal leads gradually to your enjoying your aloneness.

It does, in a way. I do feel better by myself as time goes on, and I DID try to hold onto her so much because I was afraid of facing myself and my own problems, so I focused on her instead.

The actual fears are not of abandonment or engulfment. You are

really fearing the possibility of powerlessness in the face of them. But every time

you choose to work on fear, you become defense-less and resource-full. This

restores trust in your own organismic capacity for self-nurturance and safety

when people get too close or go too far.

I agree, I did put all of my power into her hands, basically letting her decide my mood on a daily basis. I've been gradually understanding that happiness lies not within someone else but within ourselves, and we simply choose to share this happiness with a person we see worthy of it. I need to learn to be happy by myself and then find a way to share it with her, or anybody else.

I feel like I'm doing all of these games for nothing, making my Instagram private , making it so only my contacts could see my information on WhatsApp, etc. If I want to be friendly and inviting, this certainly isn't the way to go right? I should just move on with my life and find happiness in what I do, regardless of her presence in my life (or the lack of it)... . I think I should just let my "barriers" down and leave an open route for communication.

Opinions?

[Mike-X]

I think she does in some way, but the right side is far more vivid in her. I think distancing myself from her and withholding myself from any clingy behavior around her is really the way to go, I feel like it may work. If I'll just be friendly and understanding she'll eventually regain her trust in me, and it might very well re-ignite her love for me.

What are your thoughts on these two?

To fear abandonment is to dread being left alone. This is a fear not

of loss of self but of gain of self by self-confrontation. Setting time aside for

yourself daily means choosing the very thing you fear. This paradoxical

reversal leads gradually to your enjoying your aloneness.

It does, in a way. I do feel better by myself as time goes on, and I DID try to hold onto her so much because I was afraid of facing myself and my own problems, so I focused on her instead.

I am trying to learn why my "void" is there, and it is not just due to this relationship ending. And I am then trying to fill the void with my own love of "me", which is what it should have been filled with all along in my opinion.

The actual fears are not of abandonment or engulfment. You are

really fearing the possibility of powerlessness in the face of them. But every time

you choose to work on fear, you become defense-less and resource-full. This

restores trust in your own organismic capacity for self-nurturance and safety

when people get too close or go too far.

I agree, I did put all of my power into her hands, basically letting her decide my mood on a daily basis. I've been gradually understanding that happiness lies not within someone else but within ourselves, and we simply choose to share this happiness with a person we see worthy of it. I need to learn to be happy by myself and then find a way to share it with her, or anybody else.

Hear is my understanding of it. Much like those living with BPD, we often try to avoid dealing with our core issues (e.g., core factors underlying fears of abandonment), avoiding 'fixing' ourselves by doing the difficult work of exploring our own ugly voids and working to make ourselves healthy and whole. Once I had the ah-ha moment of discovering that I had a fear of abandonment, I thought that managing that fear was all that I had to do. However, the fear is caused by something else. The fear of abandonment is really a symptom of the true core fear of examining these ugly voids and feeling powerless when confronting them. Putting an SO in place while the void is there works to some extent in that it fills the void to some degree. However, the damage is still there, just masked by putting the SO band-aid over it, and it will still potentially manifest itself in various ways in your life - maybe in reactions to the SO.  Plus, when there is perceived real or imagined abandonment, the band-aid is ripped away exposing the ugly void that one has worked so hard to try to avoid dealing with.

So to "restore trust in your own organismic capacity for self-nurturance and safety" (i.e., fill the true void), you have to confront the ugly voids that leave you feeling powerless and anxious.

I am working on learning what my ugly voids are. My suspicion is that for me these have to do with attachment and trust issues with various caregivers. I believe that I can fill them by understanding what caused the voids in the first place and possibly forgiving, but I believe that I mostly have to fill them with self-love, -acceptance, and -compassion.

I feel like I'm doing all of these games for nothing, making my Instagram private , making it so only my contacts could see my information on WhatsApp, etc. If I want to be friendly and inviting, this certainly isn't the way to go right? I should just move on with my life and find happiness in what I do, regardless of her presence in my life (or the lack of it)... . I think I should just let my "barriers" down and leave an open route for communication.

Opinions?

I am low contact with my udxGF. I do understand going NC to detach and heal and to protect yourself from smear campaigns, including false criminal/civil accusations. I just haven't had anything happen to where I feel that I need to protect myself and go NC. I was initially at full contact, texting, emailing, and calling whenever, and we were seeing each other regularly after she moved out. However, she reduced her frequency of responding, made bizarre passive-aggressive statements, wouldn't commit to dates, and quit coming around, so I decided that I should quit putting myself out there and trying to rekindle things with someone who wasn't reciprocating. Additionally, I assumed that her reduced responding and not coming around was her way of trying to detach or have some space to work through things, so I felt that I had to respect that and went low-contact.

I left the lines of communication open for two reasons. I do miss her and would love to get back together. I believe that this is unlikely, at this point, and even less likely given that I would only get back with her if she says that she wants to work toward having a loving and healthy relationship; if she were making serious effort and progress in therapy; and if she apologized for the BPD dysregulation (e.g., false accusations of cheating and not loving her, rages, gaslighting, etc.) that she threw at me while we were together. 

I have also chosen to leave the communication lines open because I know that I am someone she trusts in a world that she feels so alone and empty in. She has shared a lot from her ugly voids with me.

We have talked and exchanged texts a few times over the last couple of months.

[123Phoebe]

I feel like I'm doing all of these games for nothing, making my Instagram private , making it so only my contacts could see my information on WhatsApp, etc. If I want to be friendly and inviting, this certainly isn't the way to go right? I should just move on with my life and find happiness in what I do, regardless of her presence in my life (or the lack of it)... . I think I should just let my "barriers" down and leave an open route for communication.

Opinions?

Does this feel like the right path for you?  Does it give you a sense of peace and calm? 

[Bassoutcast]

I feel like I'm doing all of these games for nothing, making my Instagram private , making it so only my contacts could see my information on WhatsApp, etc. If I want to be friendly and inviting, this certainly isn't the way to go right? I should just move on with my life and find happiness in what I do, regardless of her presence in my life (or the lack of it)... . I think I should just let my "barriers" down and leave an open route for communication.

Opinions?

Does this feel like the right path for you?  Does it give you a sense of peace and calm? 

I feel like it's the path that gives me the biggest sense of "inner peace". I already opened my lines of communication before I wrote this comment, now she'll know I'm not trying to desperately get her back, while on the other hand not playing her games and blocking her. It's basically saying "I'm here if you'll ever want to get in touch" without actually saying anything.

I feel so much better after doing that. 

[123Phoebe]

I feel like it's the path that gives me the biggest sense of "inner peace". I already opened my lines of communication before I wrote this comment, now she'll know I'm not trying to desperately get her back, while on the other hand not playing her games and blocking her. It's basically saying "I'm here if you'll ever want to get in touch" without actually saying anything.

I feel so much better after doing that. 

Aw good, Bass

Are you doing anything tonight not at all involved with figuring things out?  That was a toughie for me, 'cuz my mind likes to think, haha.  Turning it all off and finding ways to simply relax has been just a gift.  But sometimes, I can't get enough of all this stuff.  Accepting ourselves is pretty profound, also.

[Bassoutcast]

I feel like it's the path that gives me the biggest sense of "inner peace". I already opened my lines of communication before I wrote this comment, now she'll know I'm not trying to desperately get her back, while on the other hand not playing her games and blocking her. It's basically saying "I'm here if you'll ever want to get in touch" without actually saying anything.

I feel so much better after doing that.  

Aw good, Bass

Are you doing anything tonight not at all involved with figuring things out?  That was a toughie for me, 'cuz my mind likes to think, haha.  Turning it all off and finding ways to simply relax has been just a gift.  But sometimes, I can't get enough of all this stuff.  Accepting ourselves is pretty profound, also.

Actually I live in Europe so it's very late ATM   . I've been relaxing with music (playing songs, working on my band's demo, writing), went to the public library to get the sequels to the book my friend lent me (Dan Brown's material, I love his writing, highly recommend anyone who's into literature to try it out).

I always use music or books to "zone out" and lock myself inside my little own world.

[123Phoebe]

I always use music or books to "zone out" and lock myself inside my little own world.

They sound like hobbies to me, that speak to who you are

[EaglesJuju]

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