Weight gain? Weight loss?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Lets talk about our physical condition thru everything.

I know I'm not wording it properly below, and there can be other options... .but you get the idea.  Tell us about your physical condition before during and after.

Before you met your BPDex, were you in better or worse shape physically.

When and during your r/s, did you remain better, worse, same, deteriorating, etx.

After leaving, did you gain or lose weight? Better, worse shape etx.


Before, I was 240lbs, going to the gym nearly religiously, losing tons of fat and building muscle.  My confidence was high, and I looked good in clothes and starting looking good naked too.

During, I became quite inactive. I spent a lot of time online and victim to a leg injury that I aquired about 7 years prior to starting r/s... .the inactivity actually made it worse.  By the time of our b/u, I was up to 305lbs, and feeling crappy, looking crappy and finding it extremely difficult to think of health and follow any plan.  I did eat as good as I could and take supplements, Apple cider vingar, cayenne pepper, coconut oil, etx.  Lots of good stuff... .I even had a weight bench and olympic weights that I did quite often as I could.  But I couldn't drop any noticeable weight.

The further in the r/s I got worse.  On the other hand, she started eating less and dropping inches and pounds. She must have loss about 10-15 lbs over the course of 3-4 months.

After the r/s was over and I left (3/19/15) I began plumetting downward... .no appetite, feeling sick about everything... .and a TERRIBLE pinched nerve problem that started in the beginning of March.  When I got back to NY, I was nearly crippled and devastated.  Since my high point, I'm down to 275lb... . and I'm getting on my feet more than I did.  I'm up earlier day by day... .my appetite is getting better, but I KNOW I have to watch myself now because of that.  I'm not active at all yet, but that is going to change... .I'm in the north and weather still is yucky... .I will be walking soon though and maybe join the gym or enroll at the local H.S. to use the facilities.  I'm on the way but I'm far from anything that resembles who I used to be.

How about you?


PS- I've been talking on here about so much grief, pain and suffering. I've been focusing too much on the grief and not enuff on where I'm going.  It's easy to get caught up in our minds, don't you agree?

[DyingLove]

Lets talk about our physical condition thru everything.

I know I'm not wording it properly below, and there can be other options... .but you get the idea.  Tell us about your physical condition before during and after.

Before you met your BPDex, were you in better or worse shape physically.

When and during your r/s, did you remain better, worse, same, deteriorating, etx.

After leaving, did you gain or lose weight? Better, worse shape etx.


Before, I was 240lbs, going to the gym nearly religiously, losing tons of fat and building muscle.  My confidence was high, and I looked good in clothes and starting looking good naked too.

During, I became quite inactive. I spent a lot of time online and victim to a leg injury that I aquired about 7 years prior to starting r/s... .the inactivity actually made it worse.  By the time of our b/u, I was up to 305lbs, and feeling crappy, looking crappy and finding it extremely difficult to think of health and follow any plan.  I did eat as good as I could and take supplements, Apple cider vingar, cayenne pepper, coconut oil, etx.  Lots of good stuff... .I even had a weight bench and olympic weights that I did quite often as I could.  But I couldn't drop any noticeable weight.

The further in the r/s I got worse.  On the other hand, she started eating less and dropping inches and pounds. She must have loss about 10-15 lbs over the course of 3-4 months.

After the r/s was over and I left (3/19/15) I began plumetting downward... .no appetite, feeling sick about everything... .and a TERRIBLE pinched nerve problem that started in the beginning of March.  When I got back to NY, I was nearly crippled and devastated.  Since my high point, I'm down to 275lb... . and I'm getting on my feet more than I did.  I'm up earlier day by day... .my appetite is getting better, but I KNOW I have to watch myself now because of that.  I'm not active at all yet, but that is going to change... .I'm in the north and weather still is yucky... .I will be walking soon though and maybe join the gym or enroll at the local H.S. to use the facilities.  I'm on the way but I'm far from anything that resembles who I used to be.

How about you?


PS- I've been talking on here about so much grief, pain and suffering. I've been focusing too much on the grief and not enuff on where I'm going.  It's easy to get caught up in our minds, don't you agree?

[mitatsu]

Deffo agree with trying to unravel their minds its like trying to solve a rubik cube blindfold and drunk

and yep i gained weight with her (not going out drinking far too much and junk food on hangovers and for comfort) but im getting back there 

[Maternus]

I was quite chubby when I met my uBPDex and gained about 30 lbs during the relationship. I began to suffer from stomach problems in the relationship. Today, seven months out of the r/s, I'm in a much better shape. 5 lbs over normal weight and no stomach problems anymore. 

[Invictus01]

Gained probably 10-15 lbs in the 6 months that I was with her. Not because of stress because there was none (until she dropped me). Mostly because I stopped paying attention to what I ate. After I was discarded, I lost all of that within about 6-8 weeks 'cause I couldn't sleep or eat solid foods and ate a bowl of soup every other day or so. Then I said "You know what, #$@% it, I'll take it as a gift and do something with it". Started spending 2-3 hours in the gym almost on a daily basis, running outside although my ACL reconstructed knee didn't like it at first.

5 months later, I am in the best shape I've been in years, down about 20 lbs from where I was 5 months ago and that's including gaining muscle. I am at my best ever weight lifting levels, I am at my best ever running distances (10-12 mile range) I am now 6'0 and around 190 lbs, 33" waist. Went to see friends I haven't seen since the break up this past weekend. They were raving about my "amazing weight loss". People tell me not to lose more weight or I'll stat looking sick. Meeting women became comically easy, although 5 months out I'm still not sure about dating. I spare them details of how I lost most of that weight, why concentrate on crappy things  

[valet]

I actually lost about 10 pounds in the first year of our relationship, but I was biking 10 miles a day while working on my feet at a cafe 5 days a week. Went down from like 145 to 135, which might actually be a bit unhealthy, considering that I'm 5'10. I did feel great, though.

I am/was highly physically active. Always have biked/walked everywhere and worked fairly fast-paced jobs. I don't think that the relationship has really affected my weight at all, to be honest. I've stayed pretty steady at 140 for the last year or so, or ever since I quit working service jobs.

[Dunder]

My relationship only lasted 8 months, but during the final 2-3 months I lost 20lbs, slept very little, had dizzy spells, and a jittery feeling in my stomach that never went away. I constantly had a headache and felt generally like I had the flu. Since ending it 21 days ago, my appetite has returned, I'm sleeping much better and the knot in my stomach vanished literally minutes after leaving her. These physical ailments alone could've been all the justification I needed to end the relationship. Of course, I had many other compelling reasons to do so.

[clydegriffith]

Before BPDx i was in pretty good shape

After getting with her i put on about 50lbs in 2 years

It's been 2 1/2 years post b/u and i'm now in better shape than i was before i crossed paths with the devil

She has gone the opposite direction and put on 40 or so pounds. In all fairness she did pop out her fifth child in 6 years early last year.

[DyingLove]

My relationship only lasted 8 months, but during the final 2-3 months I lost 20lbs, slept very little, had dizzy spells, and a jittery feeling in my stomach that never went away. I constantly had a headache and felt generally like I had the flu. Since ending it 21 days ago, my appetite has returned, I'm sleeping much better and the knot in my stomach vanished literally minutes after leaving her. These physical ailments alone could've been all the justification I needed to end the relationship. Of course, I had many other compelling reasons to do so.

You just brought something to mind:  When she used to come home after the B/U, I would jitter/tremble when she walked in the door until I evaluated what was going to happen.  Man was I a shambles.  I have that cold/flu aches and pains now for weeks.  Keeps me crippled.

[StarOfTheSea]

When I was with my exBPDbf I gained weight because we ate out all the time and I got used to cooking according to his tastes. The biggest problems for me were the crushing anxiety, the migraines and the GI issues. At the tail end of the r/s I ended up in urgent care after having a severe dizzy spell at work. Two weeks later and a missed week of work I was still feeling awful and could hardly walk. Saw my awesome ENT doc and he diagnosed me with status migrainosus. I had been cycling in and out of a migraine for TWO WEEKS. I've had migraines since I was a child and never experienced anything so miserable. It just goes to show how much his bs passive aggressive behavior was affecting me.

I just bought a bike yesterday so I'm making steps to lose some of the weight. Yay!

[DyingLove]

When I was with my exBPDbf I gained weight because we ate out all the time and I got used to cooking according to his tastes. The biggest problems for me were the crushing anxiety, the migraines and the GI issues. At the tail end of the r/s I ended up in urgent care after having a severe dizzy spell at work. Two weeks later and a missed week of work I was still feeling awful and could hardly walk. Saw my awesome ENT doc and he diagnosed me with status migrainosus. I had been cycling in and out of a migraine for TWO WEEKS. I've had migraines since I was a child and never experienced anything so miserable. It just goes to show how much his bs passive aggressive behavior was affecting me.

I just bought a bike yesterday so I'm making steps to lose some of the weight. Yay!

Yay is RIGHT!  Maybe I should have asked about "SICKNESS" in this thread too.  Keep us up to date on your progress!  :-)

[DyingLove]

Does anyone else have persistent aches and pains... .weakness too?

[Vatz]

Does anyone else have persistent aches and pains... .weakness too?

Wouldn't call this an ache or pain. But when I'm going to be and I hear footsteps outside the bedroom. I get jumpy and think "oh god what if she's gotten in somehow?"

Sometimes when I get home, occasionally do a sweep of every room. I'm afraid of the possibility that she's broken in and is waiting for me.

When I get on the subway, I have tiny little anxiety attacks. Increased heart rate and definitely feel a little adrenaline-im scared ___less of running into her. Because if were in a train car, I got nowhere to run.

[DyingLove]

Does anyone else have persistent aches and pains... .weakness too?

Wouldn't call this an ache or pain. But when I'm going to be and I hear footsteps outside the bedroom. I get jumpy and think "oh god what if she's gotten in somehow?"

Sometimes when I get home, occasionally do a sweep of every room. I'm afraid of the possibility that she's broken in and is waiting for me.

When I get on the subway, I have tiny little anxiety attacks. Increased heart rate and definitely feel a little adrenaline-im scared ___less of running into her. Because if were in a train car, I got nowhere to run.

Vatz... .I don't know what to say.  It's like she has you terrorized!  I can relate, when she used to come home and I'd automatically begin to tremble.  But she's got you terrorized and I'm feeling real bad for you friend.  Are you B/U?  How long if yes?

[StarOfTheSea]

When I was with my exBPDbf I gained weight because we ate out all the time and I got used to cooking according to his tastes. The biggest problems for me were the crushing anxiety, the migraines and the GI issues. At the tail end of the r/s I ended up in urgent care after having a severe dizzy spell at work. Two weeks later and a missed week of work I was still feeling awful and could hardly walk. Saw my awesome ENT doc and he diagnosed me with status migrainosus. I had been cycling in and out of a migraine for TWO WEEKS. I've had migraines since I was a child and never experienced anything so miserable. It just goes to show how much his bs passive aggressive behavior was affecting me.

I just bought a bike yesterday so I'm making steps to lose some of the weight. Yay!

Yay is RIGHT!  Maybe I should have asked about "SICKNESS" in this thread too.  Keep us up to date on your progress!  :-)

Thanks DL! I seemed to have felt physically lousy during our entire r/s. I'm positive you'll find many more that have had physical issues during their r/S's too.

[Vatz]

Does anyone else have persistent aches and pains... .weakness too?

Wouldn't call this an ache or pain. But when I'm going to be and I hear footsteps outside the bedroom. I get jumpy and think "oh god what if she's gotten in somehow?"

Sometimes when I get home, occasionally do a sweep of every room. I'm afraid of the possibility that she's broken in and is waiting for me.

When I get on the subway, I have tiny little anxiety attacks. Increased heart rate and definitely feel a little adrenaline-im scared ___less of running into her. Because if were in a train car, I got nowhere to run.

Vatz... .I don't know what to say.  It's like she has you terrorized!  I can relate, when she used to come home and I'd automatically begin to tremble.  But she's got you terrorized and I'm feeling real bad for you friend.  Are you B/U?  How long if yes?

Yes, we're broken up for a year. But Im counting down til a day in July as it was the last day I saw her.

Thing is, its not so much that I'm afraid of what she will do or say to me. I'm scared of seeing her because I know myself well enough to be terrified of what I turn into when I see her.

[DyingLove]

Gotcha Vatz.  No assumptions here... .just what do you think you turn into?

[Compassion14]

Hhhhmmm... . I was slim and confident when we met.

Fast forward 2 years... .I realised I was carrying at least 18lbs that I don't know how I gained... .meaning... . I comfort ate in a daze due to his stress inducing drama... .now 8 months or so out of the relationship hell, I'm starting to regain ME - lost 6lbs and feeling so much calmer.

I develop horrendous heart burn when I was with him - got medication - I no longer get it and no longer use the medication now he's not churning my stomach. Funny that! (Not!)

Most notable thing for me was recently finding the first ever photo I took of us together at the beginning- before he unveiled his madness - I look vibrant, confident, sassy and chuffed. I compare it to the last picture - I look shattered - utterly drained. B*****d.

He's was never worth the energy, time, love and patience I selflessly spend on him. I have learned my lesson - and my wee body and spirit are slowly returning.

C14 x

[DyingLove]

Thanks DL! I seemed to have felt physically lousy during our entire r/s. I'm positive you'll find many more that have had physical issues during their r/S's too.


Starofthesea, I'm sorry you felt that way.  I can relate and share with you, but at the moment, I really can't put a time frame on it.  It all came so gradual, and then it all started getting a little worse here and there.  I'd say, some of the worse issues were triggered because of her kid, the 9yo.  This child has issues!  Gonna be like mama and bio dad all rolled into one!  The kid would be terrible in school... .she'd just get up and walk around the class as she felt like it... .disrupting and out of line.  She also played the victim card, POOR ME, and I think she was the bully/manipulator that she claimed everyone else was to her.  Oh brother.  When I think about that BEING OUT OF MY LIFE... .the blessings become clear.  But the ex would come home and hear and have to deal with this crap... .somewhere down the line the bio dad had to be contacted to.   So it was like the entire crazy family trying to solve an issue.  I was the one ALWAYS in the wrong... .but I was the best parental figure in the kids life.  No brag, just fact.

[Dunder]

Does anyone else have persistent aches and pains... .weakness too?

It's not depression, but I find myself needing to take late afternoon naps out of sheer exhaustion from thinking about what happened and how I need to recover. I know personally what depression feels like, I've had depression before, but I pretty sure I'm just physically and mentally tired from all the ruminating and regret. I never needed naps before.

[DyingLove]

Does anyone else have persistent aches and pains... .weakness too?

It's not depression, but I find myself needing to take late afternoon naps out of sheer exhaustion from thinking about what happened and how I need to recover. I know personally what depression feels like, I've had depression before, but I pretty sure I'm just physically and mentally tired from all the ruminating and regret. I never needed naps before.

I used to do naps in Florida. Stress, heat, the 9yo.  Naps are good!  I can relate to you and your exhaustion.  If the body say REST... .you gotta listen!

[Vatz]

Gotcha Vatz.  No assumptions here... .just what do you think you turn into?

Well, no even if that were an assumption, it's not off the mark either. Sure, I worry about physical harm and I'm fully aware that it's possible. But that's something I've had in my brain about since as long as I can remember. I learned as a kid that people might try to kill me, sometimes over utter nonsense. As an adolescent and adult I also learned that no matter where I am-that one is never really safe. I prepare myself mentally every day for the eventuality.

As for what she turns me into? A junkie. A sad and pathetic junkie. Bit of a long story but given my personality and the things that make me tick-if I see her I will CRAVE her, no matter how many walls I put up, those desires will always be there. I am very ashamed of this. But that's probably why I was in it for as long as I was. She was like a drug and damnit I couldn't give it up. I'm scared-REALLY scared of reverting back to being that addict.

See, I'm just starting to find myself and who I was becoming before I met her. I was doing things and I can't abide by having it all undone again because of how I feel about her.

What I really fear are my own feelings for her. I fear giving myself up again, but especially to her. There was a kind, caring, loving, compassionate and fun person beneath the mental illness and that's why I fell for her. But the mental illness always wins and I can't go back to all that. I'll always love her, but for my health I should NEVER see her again. EVER. Seeing her will only bring back all those (eww) feelings.

That's why I've had no problems controlling myself in regards to NC. The fear totally overrides anything that might otherwise tempt me. Also it turns out I actually have pretty decent self-discipline most days-I'm the type of person that if I want something I will take till the end of time if needed to get it. That's why after 11 years I *STILL* haven't given up on my fitness. Peaks and Valleys, but someday... .washboard. But that's another topic for another place.

Oh, and another thing... .

Yeah, I actually completely agree on what you say regarding ruminating on past events. It's good to think back in order to learn but one should always have their goals at the forefront more than anything else. I found in the last two months that my depression has lessened because I'm working, focusing on my exercise regimen, seeing the results of both work and work-out, and wanting to push EVEN FURTHER that helps keep me if nothing else, occupied.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Tell us about your physical condition before during and after.

Before you met your BPDex, were you in better or worse shape physically.

When and during your r/s, did you remain better, worse, same, deteriorating, etx.

After leaving, did you gain or lose weight? Better, worse shape etx.

As for what she turns me into? A junkie. A sad and pathetic junkie. Bit of a long story but given my personality and the things that make me tick-if I see her I will CRAVE her, no matter how many walls I put up, those desires will always be there. I am very ashamed of this. But that's probably why I was in it for as long as I was. She was like a drug and damnit I couldn't give it up. I'm scared-REALLY scared of reverting back to being that addict.

Great question, DyingLove.  And boy can I relate to your comments, Vatz.  Before we met, I probably had 5-7 extra pounds on me.  Though I can't say for sure b/c I don't weigh myself.  That quickly came off plus more as I started spending free time with him and obsessing about him (my new drug, yes, Vatz?) instead of food.  Additionally, he liked shoving ADD meds down my throat (I had always wondered if I might have that to a mild degree) which also made me eat less.  So I probably dropped about 15 pounds while we were together. 

I am definitely up those 15 pounds post r/s.  Maybe even a few more.  Part of the gain comes from being sequestered in my house due to his stalking and threats and thus not being out walking the dog.  It was pretty dismal for a while there... .buttoned up so tight with the blinds shut, the alarm on, etc. It sucked.  But mostly it is me eating out of boredom or loneliness or anger or hurt. 

My appetite seems huge these days.  What I have known about myself for years is that I eat when I am angry (like literally shoving those bad feelings down) and don't eat when I am sad.  I don't really want to feel angry or sad about him and, even more so, I would like for my food intake to have nothing to do with my emotional temperature.  Since they really are two different operating systems (physical/emotional). 

I would very much like to lose the extra weight. I'd feel better about dating again if I did.  PLUS, while not mature of me, were I to ever see him again, and I hope I do not b/c I don't trust him to not hurt me, I would like to look hot as ___ as one last F-U to him.  Childish, yes!  True, double yes! 

PS to be totally honest, this food/guy dynamic started LONG before my r/s with my UxBPDbf.  It is an old pattern though it was more pronounced with him. Hell, everything was more pronounced with him.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  Motherf*ucker (said to myself as much as to him)

[rickdeckard]

I'm 6'1, weighed 179 lbs at the beginning. Steady decline through the year together, ended up at 147 lbs. Just didnt have much desire to eat, less when she was around... .my stomach would make the most horrible (somewhat embarrasing) sounds when she was near me.  . In retrospect, I'm thinking one shouldn't feel physically ill when in close proximity to their "soul mate". Meh... .food for thought. 

[ReclaimingMyLife]

I'm 6'1, weighed 179 lbs at the beginning. Steady decline through the year together, ended up at 147 lbs. Just didnt have much desire to eat, less when she was around... .my stomach would make the most horrible (somewhat embarrasing) sounds when she was near me.  . In retrospect, I'm thinking one shouldn't feel physically ill when in close proximity to their "soul mate". Meh... .food for thought. 

I think you are right... . One shouldn't feel physically I'll when around their "soul mate."   Indeed!

Sounds like you are a trim person but also that you got quite thin when y'all were together.   Have the physical symptoms improved?   Have you gained back the weight?   Do you feel better and how long since r/s ended?