A question for those of you who were dumped

[Achaya]

I got a note waiting for me when I got home from work. She said she had to say what she was about to say by note because she didn't want to hurt me, i.e., she couldn't face me when she did. It was a very short note. She gushed for one sentence about how I had supported, encouraged and inspired her, then told me that she now needs "to step out of the relationship." She said "I want more." (More than the other person's entire life, self, heart and mind?) She stated her belief that we had been working on the relationship for years and if we kept trying "we will make each other unhappy."She ended by telling me that she wants me in her life, but not in "this relationship."

I told her later that I didn't think we had ever worked on our relationship, and that had been the biggest disappointment to me, that we couldn't find ways to talk about what was hurting and what to do about it. She didn't acknowledge any of what I said about this, and later repeated statements about how it would be futile to continue to work on the relationship.

I have to say that I was especially affected by her statement that she was stepping out of the relationship. It was like the relationship will go on, like an empty streetcar without her in it. It will be my relationship to maintain, not hers. I knew when I read her statement that letting go of the relationship will be for me like an animal trying to escape from a steel trap, leaving shreds of its flesh as it tears itself out.