She broke NC last night

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

2 weeks and 5 days and she texts.

I told her last time we spoke that I didn't hate her and still cared about her but her indecisiveness about me and her meant that I could not continue.  I told her I was willing to work on things but she said she "doesn't know what she wants "

I told her I understand that and she needs to respect my wish to move on with my life.  I told her we don't work as friends so it's all or nothing.  She said she understood and we said our goodbyes.

Last night she text me out of the blue "I miss you,  been thinking about you a lot"

I did not reply.

[Infern0]

2 weeks and 5 days and she texts.

I told her last time we spoke that I didn't hate her and still cared about her but her indecisiveness about me and her meant that I could not continue.  I told her I was willing to work on things but she said she "doesn't know what she wants "

I told her I understand that and she needs to respect my wish to move on with my life.  I told her we don't work as friends so it's all or nothing.  She said she understood and we said our goodbyes.

Last night she text me out of the blue "I miss you,  been thinking about you a lot"

I did not reply.

[Mister Brightside]

Way to go Infern0 for not replying! It's sad how hypocritical they can be, needing responses from us when they try to feel out the situation like this but don't realize how important reciprocation is when the situation is reversed (when we're the ones wanting to communicate with them).

Way to keep this selfish, toxic person out of your life!

[Infared]

Tough spot to be in inferno. I am guessing that this is not the first time that this has happened. She sounds very immature and you have set a clear boundary that she can not respect and/or take responsibility for her indecisiveness.  Maintaining NC is vital to enforce your stated boundary or the only message you will be sending her is that you do not really have any boundaries and that she can continue to play her immature games with you.

Sorry you are going through this as I know from experience that setting and maintaIning clear adult boundaries can be hard personal work and painful when we care about someone who isn't treating us poorly. Good resolve.

[CloseToFreedom]

Yeah, don't reply. Keep the power in your hands!

[Infern0]

Tough spot to be in inferno. I am guessing that this is not the first time that this has happened. She sounds very immature and you have set a clear boundary that she can not respect and/or take responsibility for her indecisiveness.  Maintaining NC is vital to enforce your stated boundary or the only message you will be sending her is that you do not really have any boundaries and that she can continue to play her immature games with you.

Sorry you are going through this as I know from experience that setting and maintaIning clear adult boundaries can be hard personal work and painful when we care about someone who isn't treating us poorly. Good resolve.

Yes this has happened before many a time. 

I explicitly stated my terms and asked her to confirm her understanding of them. It's frustrating especially as around 6 months ago I offered friendship to her which she couldn't handle and pushed at the boundaries until we were hooking up again. 

At this stage I told her she was to either commit to a relationship with me or leave me alone because I couldn't stand being in purgetory with her hot/cold push/pull.

She had the choice and her answer "my feelings haven't changed I just don't know what I want now"

Like I wasn't even angry really but I was just over it tbh so I asked her to please respect my wishes and allow me to move on and have a chance at happiness.  She agreed and said I deserve to be happy and she's sorry for hurting me.  I said it's OK I hope you are too and left it at that.

I got that text and it's just like 'here we go again"

[Dunder]

Great job, Inferno! She broke NC but you did not, so your streak of NC continues. Stay strong my friend!

[Infared]

Tough spot to be in inferno. I am guessing that this is not the first time that this has happened. She sounds very immature and you have set a clear boundary that she can not respect and/or take responsibility for her indecisiveness.  Maintaining NC is vital to enforce your stated boundary or the only message you will be sending her is that you do not really have any boundaries and that she can continue to play her immature games with you.

Sorry you are going through this as I know from experience that setting and maintaIning clear adult boundaries can be hard personal work and painful when we care about someone who isn't treating us poorly. Good resolve.

Yes this has happened before many a time.  

I explicitly stated my terms and asked her to confirm her understanding of them. It's frustrating especially as around 6 months ago I offered friendship to her which she couldn't handle and pushed at the boundaries until we were hooking up again.  

At this stage I told her she was to either commit to a relationship with me or leave me alone because I couldn't stand being in purgetory with her hot/cold push/pull.

She had the choice and her answer "my feelings haven't changed I just don't know what I want now"

Like I wasn't even angry really but I was just over it tbh so I asked her to please respect my wishes and allow me to move on and have a chance at happiness.  She agreed and said I deserve to be happy and she's sorry for hurting me.  I said it's OK I hope you are too and left it at that.

I got that text and it's just like 'here we go again"

I understand your frustration. pwBPD act extremely immature and do not know about, understand or respect boundaries. It seems that most things in their lives are like a child's game, with no responsibility on their end and no understanding of your feelings or needs. Mine ran out of our home of 5 years with another man (who she lied about always),  and would do drive-byes and stop and say she just wanted to say "hi"?   What was I supposed to do with that? This was a woman in her late 30's.  I just walked away and said nothing... .that was being true to me... .because I literally was speechless when these types of events occurred.

I think that you can move on by maintaining NC and perhaps meet someone who is a little more sure of their feelings.  

[jhkbuzz]

I hope you're holding up - it sounds like you are! 

The lack of boundaries is one of the hallmarks of the disorder - it can be frustrating; it is definitely sad.

Was the text triggering for you?

[Infern0]

I hope you're holding up - it sounds like you are! 

The lack of boundaries is one of the hallmarks of the disorder - it can be frustrating; it is definitely sad.

Was the text triggering for you?

Not as such, it was more frustrating than anything. The thing is I do miss her even just as a friend.  But it's the same story again and again with her.  Tbh I could handle a friendship, I'm kind of seeing someone else now. But she wouldn't be able to stand that.

Like I say,  I'm not going to be a doormat for anyone and that includes her.  She's bringing nothing to the table so it's not worth it to get involved. 

[jhkbuzz]

I hope you're holding up - it sounds like you are! 

The lack of boundaries is one of the hallmarks of the disorder - it can be frustrating; it is definitely sad.

Was the text triggering for you?

Not as such, it was more frustrating than anything. The thing is I do miss her even just as a friend.  But it's the same story again and again with her.  Tbh I could handle a friendship, I'm kind of seeing someone else now. But she wouldn't be able to stand that.

Like I say,  I'm not going to be a doormat for anyone and that includes her.  She's bringing nothing to the table so it's not worth it to get involved. 

Have you considering blocking?  Not suggesting, just wondering... .

[Infern0]

I hope you're holding up - it sounds like you are! 

The lack of boundaries is one of the hallmarks of the disorder - it can be frustrating; it is definitely sad.

Was the text triggering for you?

Not as such, it was more frustrating than anything. The thing is I do miss her even just as a friend.  But it's the same story again and again with her.  Tbh I could handle a friendship, I'm kind of seeing someone else now. But she wouldn't be able to stand that.

Like I say,  I'm not going to be a doormat for anyone and that includes her.  She's bringing nothing to the table so it's not worth it to get involved. 

Have you considering blocking?  Not suggesting, just wondering... .

I've thought about it but she knows where I live and work so it's better to keep an eye on her for the time being to fend off a personal appearance.  It's not causing me pain or anything so no need to go to those lengths

[myself]

She knows what she wants.

That good stuff you have (love, loyalty, friendship).

She just can't live up to her true potential.

It's hard to not respond, because we still care.

Easier not to because we care for ourselves, too.

Too bad we couldn't all just go into something better together.