Splitting - BPD or could it be DID?

[gah]

My BF seems to be fighting himself to "come back".  He's been in an episode for a month.  He is undiagnosed, but seems pretty textbook BPD from what I read here and other research.

He will be nice in a text, post something that he misses me on Facebook, then when I say thank you, he snarks... .I don't respond to the snarks... .so about 15 min later he'll send something nice.

Tonight, I texted back "I miss you - come back to me" and he said "I can't".  He seems to be on a see-saw... .fighting with himself. (we live together)

Is it possible I've got it wrong and it's not BPD or could it be co-morbid with DID?  Has anyone had the same experience where they seem to fight the "darkside" to come back?

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[Mike-X]

Good question. Can you elaborate on why you are thinking DID?

[Mike-X]

J Trauma Dissociation. 2009;10(3):346-67. doi: 10.1080/15299730902956838.

Dissociation in borderline personality disorder: a detailed look.

Korzekwa MI1, Dell PF, Links PS, Thabane L, Fougere P.

Author information

Abstract

The objective of the present study was to assess in detail the whole spectrum of normal and pathological dissociative experiences and dissociative disorder (DD) diagnoses in borderline personality disorder (BPD) as diagnosed with the Revised Diagnostic Interview for Borderlines. Dissociation was measured comprehensively in 21 BPD outpatients using the Structured Clinical Interview for DSM-IV Dissociative Disorders-Revised, the Multidimensional Inventory of Dissociation (MID), the Dissociative Experiences Scale pathological taxon analysis, and the Somatoform Dissociation Questionnaire. The frequencies of DDs in this BPD sample were as follows: 24% no DD, 29% mild DD (dissociative amnesia and depersonalization disorder), 24% DD Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS), and 24% dissociative identity disorder. With regard to the dissociative experiences endorsed, almost all patients reported identity confusion, unexplained mood changes, and depersonalization. Even those BPD patients with mild DD reported derealization, depersonalization, and dissociative amnesia. BPD patients with DDNOS reported frequent depersonalization, frequent amnesia, and notable experiences of identity alteration. BPD patients with dissociative identity disorder endorsed severe dissociative symptoms in all categories. Analysis of the MID pathological dissociation items revealed that 32% of the items were endorsed at a clinically significant level of frequency by more than 50% of our BPD patients. In conclusion, the frequencies of Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (4th ed.) DDs in these patients with BPD were surprisingly high. Likewise, the "average" BPD patient endorsed a wide variety of recurrent pathological dissociative symptoms.

[gah]

Hi Mike-X,

Thanks so much for the reply.  It would appear that initially when he split he hated me.  Now, when he splits he seems to be cognizant that something is wrong and seems to want to fight the other "persona" to come back.  So BOTH seem to be at play at the same time. 

The data you added is very, very helpful.

This is the worst month I've ever had in a relationship.  I had no idea that he had an issue until we just bought a house a month ago.  Trying to understand, trying to "not make it worse", trying not to walk on eggshells, use validation and SET, and the worst part seems to be how this smart, articulate, brilliant man cannot reason (after research I gave up trying right now while he's still in an episode).   I'm just trying to explore every avenue... .I saw a therapist who obviously knows nothing about BPD, and I'm awaiting a new one.  So Mike-X, I really appreciate your response.

[JohnLove]

Hello gah, the inability to reason with a pwBPD would seem to be the most frustrating and debilitating aspect. It is truly maddening to attempt to be rational with someone with an irrational mind.

I am learning this the hard way.  :'(

[cloudten]

So in reality- although the article didn't say it- up to 76% of pwBPD also have some type of DD to some degree. That is quite a number. 

I know my uBPDbf will go so far as to talk about his other persona. He talks about how cheating and lying satisfies his one persona, while it disgusts his "good" persona... .and he cannot rectify the two personalities. Its sort of scary stuff.  Some people on here have conjectured that it is like a demonic possession... .and sometimes I have certainly wondered that myself.

Gah- sort of interested in your situation and how it unfolds. It seems like many cases on here, once someone is completely painted black, its like a point of no return. I have yet to be painted completely black, but I know that day looms out on the horizon.  It seems like once a pwBPD "has you"... .hook line and sinker... .that then they turn, in some cases immediately.  On these boards you can see time and time again when people say the day they got married, or bought a house, or moved in together, everything changed just as you describe.  I know I would feel the same way you do... .and I am so sorry for what you are going through.

My bf bought a house in November. I have been waiting and waiting for him to move in. Alas- I believe he will actually finally make the move in 2 weeks. He has already asked me to come live with him. But I think I am going to sort of pussy foot around answering him for now... .he seems to be okay with the response "someday". When are you going to move in? Someday. okay.  But I have that dreaded feeling that if I actually move in, he will flip on me. So I think I am going to hold off for a while... .see how (if) he adjusts to moving into the new place and being on his own.

Keep posting and exploring these pages... .I am sure that there is a gem of wisdom somewhere that will help change things.

Most importantly take care of yourself first! Get out of the situation if you have to. Sometimes I feel like in my relationship, the more I take care of myself and spend time away from him doing what I want to do... .the more he is drawn to me. So take care of you! You'll at least feel better. Paint a room, or go to the gym, or have lunch with a friend. do feel good things... .and it will at least help you feel better!

[Achaya]

My pwBPD (just dumped me 2 weeks ago) has 5 or 6 sub personalities at least. They are various ages, and when she is in a negative mood, she usually is in a passive-aggressive child state. There was a really nasty 16 y.o. around for the last few months of our relationship. They weren't fully separate personalities, not like what they describe with DID. She didn't wear different clothes, or totally not recall when one of the others had been out.

I kind of knew about this before I got involved with my ex but I found it interesting, as the parts she showed me then were ones I got along with. I am a very nurturing person, so I thought I could deal with my lover having child parts that are more distinct than the inner child we all have. Problem was, the parts who loved me showed up less and less over the course of our 4.5 years together. The ones who were there for the last 3 years were mostly just takers who drained my energy and contributed little to any aspect of our life together.

Someone on this site referred me to Dr. Jeffrey Young's work on BPD "modes" (Young developed Schema Therapy). The modes he describes are almost exactly what my ex exhibited, although I think she had more than the 5 he describes.

It really helped me to look at most of the parts as "real" with real emotions attached. That is how it feels in the moment to both the BPD and non BPD partner. It got me out of the agony of thinking that the love I felt with my favorite BPD part-selves wasn't real. I think now that the pain of relating to the BPD is not about their lack of capacity to love, but it is about their lack of capacity to sustain that feeling. For my ex, "The thrill is gone, it's gone away for good," and the part of her I fell in love with doesn't come out for me anymore.

[Sunfl0wer]

I find this topic interesting.

Many BPD persons have BPD partly as a result of trauma.  I have cPTSD, as a result of trauma.  DID is mainly thought to be a result of trauma.

Therefore, I find the nuances and similarities/differences interesting to explore.

I have researched a bit on DID, and I recall learning that the "Hollywood" version of DID does not really exist.  Actually, it was a Dr. Phil episode that led me to look at other resources online.  His explanation is that there was this painted picture of DID that therapists learned and therefore patients who actually had DID ended up exhibiting very distinct personalities due to their T teaching them that this is what DID is, however, the natural presentation of DID is not so distinct and compartmentalized as represented on TV and mainstream understanding. That it is rare to find this type, if you do find this type, it is because a therapist helped cultivate it in the patient... .subjecting the patient to an additional trauma.  That true DID is more vague than distinct separate compartmentalized personalities.  (Hopefully I am explaining this well)

So now how this fits in with BPD... .I'm curious?  How can we distinguish the black/white thinking from DID as it does appear to exactly match the understanding of DID?